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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Adults fussing about presents

96 replies

jumperooo · 26/11/2013 09:57

People who make a big fuss about what presents they get (Christmas, Birthday). Making lists for people to choose from. Getting annoyed if they get something they didn't ask for. Choosing expensive things all the time to get their monies worth. Placing value on how many things bought, how much is spent in return. Even making a fuss about bloody Secret Santa at work, because they don't want something silly or £5, they want something good.

God, BORE OFF. It's embarrassing for adults to act like this. Why do they care about having all this bloody stuff?!

It winds me up. Yes I expect I am being unreasonable. Thanks for the rant!

OP posts:
monicalewinski · 26/11/2013 09:59

I agree!

(I am clearly thoroughly unreasonable too).

FanFuckingTastic · 26/11/2013 10:02

I made a list at peoples behest, it was quite fun to do actually, I don't expect anything, so everything is a bonus. We aren't all grabby and stooges.

Iamsparklyknickers · 26/11/2013 10:04

YANBU, firmly with you Jumperoo. If you can't be gracious about (even shit) gifts given to you then it's time to take a look at yourself imho. Thoughtfulness is not a skill everyone has, money is not something everyone has, the fact that someone has given you something should be enough - the thought that counts and all that.

If there's a particular trinket or gadget you covert that badly, get it yourself.

DeWe · 26/11/2013 10:04

Ah! I now know which of my relatives you work with Wink

DiseasesOfTheSheep · 26/11/2013 10:06

Ha! I was all geared up to say YABU - what's he point of celebrating if you don't take care to make sure presents are right when you buy them! But receiving them? Hell no, lists are unacceptable (from adults, other than for family / when requested, with a range of cost items) SS is just a bit of fun and is meant to be silly, and one should be grateful for whatever they get!

redexpat · 26/11/2013 10:07

Well gift giving and acts of service are obviously not two of your strongest love languages, so you will never understand those who express love in these ways.

Original poster
jumperooo · 26/11/2013 10:07

I think it's come from this "pamper" culture that's been peddled over the last few years. Encouraging people to feel entitled, acting like a sodding princess eating cupcakes and whatnot.

OP posts:
ginslinger · 26/11/2013 10:09

Oh i agree with knobs on.

noblegiraffe · 26/11/2013 10:09

People keep asking me what I want for Xmas. I haven't a clue. I suspect they would be happy at being given a list and told to pick something. Preferably something that can be ordered from Amazon.

Iamsparklyknickers · 26/11/2013 10:10

Fan there's a difference between being asked and making a list and not being asked and taking it upon yourself to tell people what you want them to get you.

There's a thread in Chat that illustrates it perfectly - two friends, one asked for a rough idea of what to get the others child, was sent a link for something costing a ridiculous amount of money, said no and now there's huffiness. It sucks any joy out of it when people are grabby and refuse to take others pockets or capabilities into consideration.

I completely bow out of our works secret santa because it gets nasty, we have people employed on wages from £10k - £40k. Imposing a limit of £5 results (every bloody year) in a load of moans about how shit it is without a thought for how crap that's making anyone earning less feel or the pressure they're being put under. It's meant to be something fun and inclusive and without fail gets turned into showboating and foot stamping.

TheRaniOfYawn · 26/11/2013 10:10

I don't think that there's anything wrong with lists. I have friends and relatives who work long hours and don't have a lot of time to think about presents, so I keep a wishlist available for anyone who wants am idea of what I might like. I think that the cheapest thing on the list costs £1.89 so it's not as though I am being excessively demanding, and I'm just as happy to get other stuff too (or just good wishes and no presents). I think of my wishlist add a handy guide to the sort of thing I like for anyone who wants to use it rather than list of demands.

soverylucky · 26/11/2013 10:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
jumperooo · 26/11/2013 10:13

I should add, there's nothing wrong with lists - if you are asked to make a list of suggestions. There's nothing wrong with wanting to give/receive presents either. It's the grabbiness of some adults that I find irritating.

OP posts:
specialsubject · 26/11/2013 10:13

redexpat, there are other ways to express love than giving stupid expensive sparkly tat.

no adult should expect presents. No workplace should do gift giving of any sort - if people have become friends outside work, take the presents outside work.

SomethingkindaOod · 26/11/2013 10:13

MIL asks everyone for a list, from the babies right up to her own husband because she goes out and buys everything in one go and doesn't want to have to go back out so we tend to along with it. Everybody else does surprises, however we don't generally do adult gifts in our families.
Me and DH do have an agreement that for our birthdays we will buy tickets to see a comedian or (cheapish) band that we like. Hence I am currently online buying DH 2 tickets to see Ken Dodd next year... Confused I will not be going with him!
YANBU about the fussing at all, it's ungrateful and rude.

WorraLiberty · 26/11/2013 10:14

YANBU

I really didn't know there were people like this until I joined MN just after Christmas a couple of years ago.

Thankfully I've never experienced this in real life.

Iamsparklyknickers · 26/11/2013 10:16

Do you think expat?

I absolutely subscribe to that love language theory, but there are degrees within those categories.

I could make a gift that would be based on things I know about someone and it would be meant to be meaningful but would also probably be cheap. There are people who I wouldn't even consider giving a homemade gift to because it would be sneered at - they want something branded and expensive. Both fulfill the gift criteria, but one would go down like a cup of cold sick.

Original poster
jumperooo · 26/11/2013 10:18

I'm all for Christmas just being about presents for kids personally. But you can't even escape from it that way. I have now been given a list of things for a baby relative, and at the request of their control freak parents I am apparently not to deviate from the list.

I honestly don't know how people have the front to behave like this!

OP posts:
BaldricksTurnip · 26/11/2013 10:20

Christmas presents are for children imo. I really don't get adults requesting gifts from each other it seems very juvenile. If I need/want something I'll buy it myself. Can't bear my friends and family, most of whom are struggling for enough money just to keep warm, feed their families etc. feeling under pressure and getting into debt because they think they should buy me something. DH and I never buy gifts for each other, but would treat ourselves to a nice take away or day out with the kids if it's a special occasion.

LaurieFairyCake · 26/11/2013 10:20

We love lists but there's never grabbiness, we all just hate waste.

We do Secret Santa for the adults (with lists) and all get together to open them - it's a brilliant day.

CynicalandSmug · 26/11/2013 10:21

Yanbu, it seems Christmas is all about greed whether it's the presents or people stuffing themselves with disgusting amounts of food. I don't do presents now.

Binkyridesagain · 26/11/2013 10:22

I have a SIL that wants the receipt wrapped with every gift she receives, even the gifts she has asked for, so she can take it back and get the money.

wordfactory · 26/11/2013 10:24

I really cannot understand people who can't be gracious.

I mean how can anyone over 13 be disappointed? Does it really matter if those chocoltaes are not their faves? Or they already have some bath oil?

Get A Grip.

Dontletthemgetyoudown · 26/11/2013 10:24

My mother is the worst for this! 58yr old woman who specifically requests things and has a list as long as your arm usually with hard to get and expensive items.

Se decided she wanted a collectible from ebay, admittedly it was a hard to get hold of item, she asked me to bid as no ebay account and my dad would pay for it as part of her xmas present. I was told a maximum amount to bid (already about £15 over the new price but it is no longer avalible to buy) so I put in maximum amount plus a few pennies to increase chances of winning and we were outbid at the last second. I'm informed that she actually cried about not getting it and said that I had been outbid on purpose!!!!

I am a bit bah humbug when it comes to Christmas. I love giving presents and choosing gifts for people I put time and effort into picking something that I hope that they will love. I also quite like receiving gifts, but again hope that its something that they have put thought and effort into and not just demanded a shopping list from me. I don't even mind vouchers as long as again they are ones for somewhere that they know I like and shop in. I might be a bit offended by asda vouchers though Wink

what I dislike about Christmas is the whole forced jollity and you must buy the latest gadget, spend a fortune that it has turned into.

wordfactory · 26/11/2013 10:25

Ogh and when someone asks what I want, I feel a tad disappointed that they're not prepared to use their imagination. I'm sure I'd love whatever they got me!!!