Adults fussing about presents

[jumperooo]

People who make a big fuss about what presents they get (Christmas, Birthday). Making lists for people to choose from. Getting annoyed if they get something they didn't ask for. Choosing expensive things all the time to get their monies worth. Placing value on how many things bought, how much is spent in return. Even making a fuss about bloody Secret Santa at work, because they don't want something silly or £5, they want something good.

God, BORE OFF. It's embarrassing for adults to act like this. Why do they care about having all this bloody stuff?!

It winds me up. Yes I expect I am being unreasonable. Thanks for the rant!

DP's family have a family Secret Santa as the family is so huge it was costing a flippin fortune and the presents were getting crappier and crappier...charity shop perfume anyone? A plastic saucepan?(thanks SIL) a mug? (cheers )

So now we buy for one person, budget £15 - £20 and the kids are thoroughly spoiledd get whatever.

Agreed my cousin always suggests things I could get for her kids, she's told me she does this because she's fed up of the kids getting crap (she claims from other relatives) but I like choosing things and the children are roughly the same ages as mine so I think I know what they will like

I struggle with this. I am not grabby at all and would happily go without gift giving and receiving but...i hate waste. So if you are going to want to buy me something then please make it something I will use or enjoy.

My mum just bought me a purse for my birthday and gave me it saying 'please give it a go, I know it is bigger than you wanted but it was all I could find and it was expensive' the thing is I HATE it. It is just not me at all. Patent plastic 'Guess' with logos and shiny badges everywhere.
Surely better to take it back as I really won't use it. I can try to remember to switch to it when I see her to make her happy but then use one I like at home. But it's such a waste.

YANBU. Massively not. It's one of my pet hates.

Giving someone a list if they have asked for one is fine, but that's it. Otherwise be grateful that someone thought you were worth buying a present for, it's the bloody thought that counts. I hate the assumption that you have to buy anyone a present and that it has to be worth a certain value.

I have one friend, a fully grown adult, who hands out lists unasked for every birthday and Christmas, and who will complain to me if someone else has bought her the wrong thing, not the exact thing on her list. Often she's complaining about something quite pricey ("MIL bought me the wrong colour Fat Face gilet, I'm going to have to ask her for a receipt, it's so annoying as I said exactly what to get me..." )

One year she bought me and her theatre tickets for Christmas, which was absolutely lovely - until she pointed out that she'd spent much more than usual on me, so could she please have X expensive gift in return! I thought that was hugely rude. If she'd had an issue with the cost I'd much rather have gone halves on the tickets between us, not unexpectedly be asked to spent £60 on a present for her...

I think presents should be given only if the giver wants to and should be something they like and think the recipient will like. Presents should be received graciously with thanks, even if you loathe it and will sell/regift/chuck it afterwards.

Yes. This.

I don't give a toss if what you chose for me isn't my thing. I value the fact that you bothered to try more than the thing.

Have just done a load of present wrapping for xmas. Four of the gifts are re-gifts of things people gave me that aren't my taste- but I'm pretty sure the recipient will like and use. TBH I'm pretty grateful that I had something in that would fit the bill without having to go shopping, so in a way it was a present for me in the end- the giver has saved me a dull, frustrating afternoon in the shops!

My in-laws go mad for christmas and everyone has a list, there is much emailing back and forth of 'I'll get X, so-and-so's getting Y blah blah'. I found it kind of weird at first but I'm used to it now. And it does mean that we all get things we want. My family are totally opposite, christmas is nothing special and so every year they go out and buy perfume for everyone - just get a job lot from superdrug. I hate perfume. Every fucking year I get perfume. I have told my dad (at another time of year, not right after opening the present of course) that I don't wear perfume. And yet I still get a bottle of perfume, like clockwork. To me that is a bit rude - I'd rather they didn't spend the money than so obviously disregard people's preferences. So I definitely prefer lists (for family of course, not for general distribution!).

But silverten what if you buy something I don't like and expect to see me using it? This is where I struggle. If smiling and saying thank you how lovely and discretely recycling it to oxfam or the back of the wardrobe was ok then I wouldn't mind so much (although still just such a waste) but if you get something I don't like but are going to be sniffy about never seeing it in use I will be annoyed.

My mum always gets things she likes but I don't. She thinks that despite me never wearing or buying floral print clothing I might like a flowery blouse 'as a nice change'. No. No I would not. I like plain block colours with no pattern. This is what is in my wardrobe. This is what I wear. Because I like it.

I buy her stuff I don't like but think she will. How hard is it?

I don't look out to see if people are using/wearing/displaying presents I've bought them. And I would never ask 'Ooh, where's that purse/scarf/picture I got you?' If they've chucked or hidden them I don't want to know

I simply don't do that.

I'm chuffed if I see someone using something I gave them, or hear that they liked it, but it's not a test!

I do my best- sometimes I get it wrong (as do other people), I don't hold it against myself or anyone else. Not really in the spirit of giving if you put all that pressure on, is it?

Like I said- I value the effort, not the thing.

My in laws bought me a bunch of fake flowers last Christmas.

Every time they stay at mine and are left alone I come back to find them more prominently displayed. Usually somewhere they look bloody awful.

Really MIL bright red flowers against duck egg blue kitchen? Really?

Am I just a miserable and ungrateful cow. Tell me straight.

So you display them, but they get moved?

Quite PA of your MIL, I think.

But probably best to just grin and bear it. or have them meet with an accident as a direct result of being moved to somewhere you didn't want them

Somtimes people are funny about presents - and not just funny peculiar (though that too) but your MIL made me laugh ThinkAboutIt - moving her own plastic flowers to a more prominent position when she comes to stay with you. Haha

I think moving anything in someone else's house is weird and I wouldn't like it.

Having said that, I quite like the sound of red flowers against duck egg blue . But I've probably got no taste.

Yep. I have them on display, though a bit tucked away as it's a bit of a small bunch and I need to get a few more to make them work properly. Then I come home from work and find they have been moved front and centre.

My task before Christmas is to get some more flowers to make it a bit more of a bunch. Then they can go in the centre of the mantelpiece and mil will be happy.

And yes, she has PA down to an art form bless her!

Maybe drop a hint about how you need some more so she'll buy you some this year!

Loving the fake flower story, I hate fake flowers with a passion.
In my family, we buy of children only, so nephews and nieces all included. Grown ups then save their tempers and cash by not buying random oddities for other grown ups. In my own family DP and I do buy for each other. If we visit grown up siblings, we'd take food and drink treats.
Not sure how it would work if not all parties had children but to be honest, we were grateful this plan began, as we used to receive some dreadful, panic bought stuff that often went to charity shops.
Children and teens, I love buying for....so much easier now!

I hate waste, do we have lists in our family, we don't need this for my Mum, she just wants booze.

"money is not something everyone has"

No, it isn't, so why waste it buying something someone doesn't want, or have a chance of getting something you want, wasted?

If it was up to me, tbh, I wouldn't exchange gifts with adults.

I split up with my ex just before last Christmas and not having to buy for his family (knowing I wouldn't get anything that I wanted back) was bliss. I could afford my luxury skin care that I have to normally do without.

I'm with you OP YANBU

I do now make a list for my DH and DDs but it's moré To stop him spending money.

For example a couple of years ago I really wanted a particular CD and DH bought me an iPad. Lovely gift, too bloody expensive though and completely unnecassery. So now he knows I would like a small box of chocolates, a CD and a thermal mug for taking coffee out with me. DDs also know that a Christmas list is not the same as a shopping list, you don't have To buy everything on it.

I cannot believe adults make present lists. I don't know anyone who does this thank God and I wouldn't want to buy for anyone who did.

YADNBU! Grow up, grabby grown-ups yes SiL I AM looking at you

If only I could have MIL understand this thread.

I've actually had her hand a present back to me after unwrapping it, as it was a book she'd already read. This to me is just rude.

She also regularly hassles us for an exact gift for her to buy us as she doesn't want to use her imagination whilst out shopping. Sulks and sighs ensue if we don't give her a precise model, or better still, just buy the bloody thing ourselves.

I hate it. It just reduces the whole thing, which to me should be a nice process motivated by some thought and love, to a transaction.

If that's all it is, I'd rather have cash, or if that isn't a 'proper present'- nothing.

I would like fake flowers because of my hay fever, but if my MIL did what your's does Think I would have To loudly exclamo

'oh, someone's moved the flowers, I'll just put them back where they belong'

YANBU. I don't really like being asked to suggest presents for myself or my DCs. It makes me cringe as I feel grabby suggesting things.

I do choose our presents from my parents though, but that's because they refuse to shop for them so write a cheque instead! Which is nice as it means I can choose something I really love and of course it's much appreciated.

We had a tiny wedding and I felt really uncomfortable when people asked what we'd like as a present. We just said "you being there is a present!" and genuinely meant it.

I'm trying to think of a really good present for my secret Santa at work but if I get given a generic box of chocs or bath stuff or whatever I really don't care, it'll be lovely to have a surprise whatever it is! :)

I have a huuuuge wishlist on amazon (well actually several, in various categories including lists of presents I'm considering getting for DH, DSCs etc) but it's for me to keep track and not to send to anyone else.

DH and I have a personal budget for 'frivoloties' each month (£20 each) which we can use to buy whatever DVDs/games etc we want throughout the year