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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Adults fussing about presents

96 replies

jumperooo · 26/11/2013 09:57

People who make a big fuss about what presents they get (Christmas, Birthday). Making lists for people to choose from. Getting annoyed if they get something they didn't ask for. Choosing expensive things all the time to get their monies worth. Placing value on how many things bought, how much is spent in return. Even making a fuss about bloody Secret Santa at work, because they don't want something silly or £5, they want something good.

God, BORE OFF. It's embarrassing for adults to act like this. Why do they care about having all this bloody stuff?!

It winds me up. Yes I expect I am being unreasonable. Thanks for the rant!

OP posts:

BreakingGood · 26/11/2013 15:15

Not a fan of adult Christmas presents - slowly managed to get it down to a bare minimum now though.

MIL/FIL do the list thing - only if you ask for one though. We may casually ask if there is anything they particularly want/don't want. They say they will think about it...3 minutes later a neatly, well researched, list is produced. What I now find very funny is her attempt to appear less grabby e.g. she will write small picture of x in y shop for £22 or large picture of z in y shop for £68. She knows full well we will get her z even though it is a bit more than we usually spend...

FIL once bought his OWN birthday present from us (without asking us), gave it to us to wrap and asked for the money. I was very - he hasn't done it again!

I guess I have grown to be amused by it! I do find it interesting that they never ask us what we would like. Maybe because MIL knows she wouldn't be able to source it out of the National Trust shop...

Twattyzombiebollocks · 26/11/2013 15:26

I don't know, I used to do a list as I was horse mad and I usually wanted quite specific things for the horse for competing, in a particular size/colour (bloody horse was bright chestnut so colour really was an issue)
I would have some expensive things, some mid price things, and some cheap things on there, and a note at the bottom to say hats gloves and warm socks were always welcome, so if people wanted to get me stuff not on the list then they had a good idea of the sort of stuff I would appreciate.
Of course, if someone decided (like my mother) to buy me hopelessly impractical gifts like tights, in the hope that I would wear a skirt, then I smiled graciously, thanked them and put the item in a drawer to be charity shopped at the earliest opportunity (or in the case of the tights I cut them up and used them to keep shavings out of the horses mane plaits and tail the night before a show. She is still waiting for me to wear a skirt and I hope she's not holding her breath)

fuzzpig · 26/11/2013 15:28

I do think it's important that children don't see that present-wise it's all about them, IYSWIM. So I like exchanging adult gifts. Mind you that's easy for me to say as we have a truly tiny family.

BitOutOfPractice · 26/11/2013 15:30

I love getting presents but I don't make a big song and dance about it.

And I thought the whole point of secret santa was that the presents were a bit shit.

mirry2 · 26/11/2013 15:34

Diseaseofthesheep oh how I agree with you. I just love Christmas because I love buying presents. If all people want is a voucher it takes all the fun out of it for me. It's just stupid when it gets to the point that I buy you a £10 voucher from M&S and you buy me a £10 voucher from Next. Why can't people just graciously accept what they've been given and if necessary, pass it on or donate it to Oxfam.

Golddigger · 26/11/2013 15:38

Thankfully I dont know any grabby people.
Sounds from your op, that it is the people around you in general who are problematic.

DiseasesOfTheSheep · 26/11/2013 15:41

Waves at mirry2 with tinsel in hand and a nice, bright Christmas jumper - hurrah for Christmas cheer!

lookatmycameltoe · 26/11/2013 16:19

My mother ruins Christmas every year with her ridiculous demands and expectations. I have 3DC and they are what Christmas is about.

Every year we have the stress of what to get her, followed by the disappointment or occasion pleasure (rare) and months of whinging and sulking about how thoughtless and rubbish her presents were.

Her whole value a person is decided by the quality (and quantity) of gifts.

My childhood Christmases are punctuated by memories of her reactions on Christmas day.

Nutter. I have no sympathy, no normal adult should behave like that.

JugglingFromHereToThere · 26/11/2013 16:28

I do sympathise look as I'd certainly feel it was more about the children too. But I just wondered how old your DM is? - my DP's grew up during the war and I think pressies just meant more in those days, whereas these days many adults can buy themselves something they really want (if no-one gets it for them first as a pressie)

StealthPolarBear · 26/11/2013 16:41

I hate being nagged for a christmas list. I hate getting more stuff. As a presrnt I want someone to come and take away some of tbe crap that is all ovr our house.

outtolunchagain · 26/11/2013 17:27

Stealth that is exactly how I feel.

AdoraBell · 26/11/2013 17:37

Speaking of regifting un wanted or duplicate gifts, last year a friend gave me a nice gift, naice choc biscuit type things but from a properly naice shop. The box had 'To Friend's family, with our Thanks' printed on it. It was something her DH had been given by a client.

I was not bothered in the slightest. They were not chewed

outtolunchagain · 26/11/2013 18:05

I really struggle with the whole Xmas for adults thing and especially with my MIL,from Sept onwards she calls and calls for ideas for dh and the children and plagues dh with calls about me.On the whole I prefer the no lists options but driven to distraction I now jot things down during the year when I get ideas , we have enough clutter so my lists tend to be practical; subs to a magazine, voucher for garden centre or favourite yarn shop .

All good you would have thought but no our suggestions are never acceptable , they are rejected and further suggestions are requested, she then buys what she was going to in the first place ; hand made shepherds crook for dh ( we live in a modern village house with hens but no sheep!) , piece of a famous aircraft mounted in walnut,odd triangle shaped rucksuck for ds1 aged 20, and so on and so forth.I know she thinks long and hard but it drives me mad now, she spends far more then they can afford on white elephant gifts that no one wants .And why ask just to rubbish the suggestions.

I hate to feel ungrateful but the dread of the presents , which all come with a note about their origins has begun to ruin Xmas .

MiddleAgeMiddleEngland · 26/11/2013 18:49

We have virtually given up presents for adults in our families. DHs family give instead to a charity they support (which has a very important meaning to them and to whom they are are very grateful) so we contribute to that. My own family don't do presents after the age of 18. Except elderly aunt who is happy with a few food-type treats and a bunch of flowers.

DH and I do exchange presents, but they are usually very practical. I don't want to collect more clutter, thank you very much.

I can't imagine issuing a list, but DC know that I'd be pleased with chocolate or a bowl of daffodil bulbs.

Can't imagine some of the lists that some people apparently issue.

thegreylady · 26/11/2013 18:52

I have a secret desire for pretty knickers!I ask every year and people just laugh!Why would an old size 16/18 lady want pretty knickers after all?
I have now gone out and bought some for myself :)

JugglingFromHereToThere · 26/11/2013 19:39

Good for you thegreylady
I'm sure they're lovely and cheer you every morning!

StealthPolarBear · 26/11/2013 19:43

TBH thegrey;ady would you want underwear that someone else has picked out fopr you (other than OH)?Surely it would never be your taste? Good for you for jut treating yourself

thegreylady · 26/11/2013 20:21

Yes if it was dd or my dh.My poor old dh does try but at 77 he gets a bit anxious in underwear departments and confuses pretty [which I want] with sexy[ which I don't]. I am sorted now though.TKMaxx was my friend along with M&S for extras :)

ShatnersBassoon · 26/11/2013 20:30

YANBU at all! It's control freakery gorn mad, and I find it boring and unacceptable.

My dad starts in October and won't stop until he knows exactly who's getting what and what they're giving to everyone else. He's almost apoplectic at the mo because I won't tell him what I've bought his wife. It's a small bloody surprise that will have a gift receipt with it, so no need to run it by pater

kerala · 26/11/2013 21:15

Worst was friend whose mother got her sexy underwear to "keep her husband interested" shudder imagine opening that on Christmas Day!

AdoraBell · 26/11/2013 21:30

outtolunch we had that exact situación with our wedding, ended up writing a list because MIL couldn't accept Two fully independent adults who each had a home wouldn't need everything bought for them. We did a range of prices from a £5 fruit bowl To the expensive things her son wrote down.

2 years after the wedding they presented us with what they had wanted To buy all along. And we still didn't have space for it.

That was the first time I had ever written a list and will never do so again outside of DH and DDs.

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