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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

not to kiss DP when he has a cold sore - he has just stormed out.

125 replies

DoingItForMyself · 26/11/2013 00:49

DP has had a cold sore for a few days, I've tried to avoid kissing him on the lips (we are usually very affectionate so it has been difficult!) but a few times he has forgotten and kissed me. He says they are not contagious once they scab over, NHS says differently.

I feel bad for mentioning it, but I really don't want to start getting them at my age having gone through life unscathed so far!

Today I bought him some of those Compeed patches, sent him a message at lunchtime about something else and mentioned at the end that I'd bought them "so I can kiss you later xx"

He has seen them in the shopping bag, used other things from the same bag but not used the patches. Come bed time he asked if I was up for sexy time, I said "it's weird not being able to kiss you though" and he just 'hmm'ed and then rubbed it with his fingers.

I said that I was also anxious that he kept touching it and would spread the virus to my bits, that perhaps he could wash his hands.

He got really shirty about it, going on about how he'd been really nice to me this evening (I'm a bit stressed about work/money) and this is how I react. He started packing up his stuff and said he was going, I told him he was being ridiculous and he told me to shut the fuck up.

He said he'd come back when his cold sore had gone. I replied that someone who tells me to STFU may not be welcome, cold sore or not.

So basically, am I BU to worry about catching them? Should I have just let him kiss me, use his hands on my nether regions and said nothing so as not to upset him. Or AIBU to stick with a boyfriend who thinks its acceptable to tell me to shut the fuck up?

OP posts:
DoingItForMyself · 27/11/2013 08:34

Thanks for all the responses. I think I know now that IANBU! Still haven't heard from DP so I presume he's not really sorry for being an arse. Sad

I've asked for this thread to be deleted as I've over-shared on the personal details and its a bit identifiable in RL.

OP posts:
themidwife · 27/11/2013 09:53

YANBU of course! I hope the DCs weren't there when he told you to STFU!! I know it's hard - the 95% great guy & the 5% arsehole. Do we cut our losses & hope to find a 100% good guy - do they even exist? Are we 100% great ourselves? I guess it's whether the the 5% shitty bit gradually increases or not.

BlingBang · 27/11/2013 11:00

I got genital herpes from my husband who the startings of a cold sore. It was fucking awful and extremely upsetting and painful. Was quite ill and had to be admitted and then taken to the GUm clinic to be tested and treated. Had an outbreak just as I was due to give birth to my first child which caused some worry. tell him to fuck off and not be so selfish.

velvetmoon · 27/11/2013 11:38

I wouldn't go near my DH if he had a cold sore until it healed. Thankfully this isn't a problem for us but I have had partners who've had them and have made it quite clear that there would be no kissing until they'd gone. Once you've got one it doesn't ever fully go away - not a risk I'd be willing to take. I think he's being very unreasonable.

catgirl1976 · 27/11/2013 13:27

I get coldsores and I never kiss DS or DH when I have them

They hurt, they look gross and I wouldn't wish them on anyone.

HIBU

girlywhirly · 27/11/2013 13:53

I guess you will be thinking hard OP about whether this relationship has a future. Personally I think you deserve better.

DoingItForMyself · 27/11/2013 14:38

Thanks girly, so do I.

He just came round expecting a big discussion and make-up blow job no doubt but I told him he'd crossed a line, totally disrespected my sexual health and me by swearing at me and told him it was over.

He continued to blame me for being so rude for making a big deal of it and implying that he was deliberately trying to infect me, but I said he wasn't deliberately trying NOT to, so as far as I'm concerned he had no regard for my wellbeing.

Tosser. Thanks for possibly preventing me from putting up with this shit for even longer ladies xxx

OP posts:
OddFodd · 27/11/2013 14:44

Think you've done the right thing, Doing - hope you're okay x

MistAllChuckingFrighty · 27/11/2013 15:40

Good for you !

Hissy · 27/11/2013 15:51

what a dick.

with cold sores...

Well rid!

squoosh · 27/11/2013 16:02

Well done lady!

DoingItForMyself · 27/11/2013 16:32

Thank you lovelies! I thought I was all calm about it and then my RL friend said she was proud of me for standing up for myself and I burst into tears!

After being with an EA husband for 14 years I am conditioned to take any crap that is thrown at me and I swore to myself that I would not do that again. I do feel really proud of myself for having boundaries and not letting him overstep them.

OP posts:
bibliomania · 27/11/2013 16:38

Hurray for boundaries and enforcement of them! Well done you. (And no wonder men's rights activists don't like Mn!)

myroomisatip · 27/11/2013 16:44

And another 'well done' from me!! :)

Sillybillybob · 27/11/2013 17:32

High 5!

LindyHemming · 27/11/2013 17:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MistAllChuckingFrighty · 27/11/2013 17:47
Smile
ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 27/11/2013 17:52

Well done.

Gruntfuttock · 27/11/2013 17:57

Another 'Well done!' from me too. Smile

ChasedByBees · 27/11/2013 18:17

Great! He sounded like a wrong 'un. You did the right thing.

Darkesteyes · 27/11/2013 18:26

Been following this thread and was gobsmacked at his monumental selfishness.
Well done Doing I hope you are ok Thanks

CruCru · 27/11/2013 20:14

Excellent. Good work.

Rosieliveson · 27/11/2013 20:32

I get cold sores. Definitely don't expect kisses and won't kiss my DH or DS.

lottiegarbanzo · 27/11/2013 20:52

Ooh, I was not expecting that, not yet. Well done!

So if previous bloke was too tidy and bossy and this one was too messy and careless - maybe the next one will be just right!

Bubbles1066 · 27/11/2013 20:55

YANBU. DH has cold sores and we never kiss etc when he has one, at his insistence. I've never had one and we've been together 10 years so fingers crossed!

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