SIL nightmare

[Littlebear88]

Am I being unreasonable to expect my BIL and SIL to spend Christmas Day with our family (me,DH,DM and DF) after they have spent about 15 years of christmas days with SIL family?

DB has to keep SIL happy it would seem?

You've only got to read some of the anti-MIL threads on here(over utter trivia too) to spot why this sort of stuff happens...

No history, just seems SIL get her own way?

I don't think yabu, it would be nice for your parents to see the DGC on Christmas day too.
But of course, ultimately it is up to them.

Your brother sounds like he may lack gumption.

SIL has been very unreasonable to DM in past, ignoring her and not speaking,

YANBU. Some people get very stuck to their family traditions and won't change them for any reason, which isn't a particularly valid thing to do when you're in a new relationship. Either decide your doing Christmas at yours every year, or share in some way between the two wider families. If your parents haven't been in the country for years than that is pretty unfair of your SIL.

Your DB sounds like he doesn't assert himself much

And SIL sounds a but rude and Hard Work; perhaps your parents are secretly relieved that DB and SIl don't bother with them

I think if a bloke is really happy to let his wife refuse to 'let him' see his folks on xmas day once in 15 years, with no good reason - then he's a doormat. Sorry.

Are you asking your brother why he wont go?

Thanks for the support! I'm sure Christmas Day will be lovely x

Yabu blaming your SIL but yanbu to assume that he would want to see your parents.

Are there any special circumstances surrounding the pil like the fact that they do childcare on a day today basis, your brother lives closer to them than you, you haven't got space to accommodate everyone or they might be elderly or ill?

I think the fact that you have titled this as "SIL Nightmare" and not "DB Nightmare" says it all really.

You obviously don't like your SIL. I don't blame her for not wanting to spend Christmas Day with you, it's probably more relaxing at her family's!

so to check, your Parents live in a different country to DB and SIL. From what you've said, it reads like your parents are the ones whove moved away, is that right or is it your DB? (and which one do you live in, the same country as your parents or your DB?)

Anyway, so for 15 years, seeing your parents hasn't been an option for them, and so DB and SIL have made their own family traditions, which includes seeing her parents. Now your parents are available, they expect DB and SIL to put aside their family traditions and see your Parents and you on Christmas day, is that it or have I got it wrong?

Agree with twinklesparklebling.
Why should she spend xmas with someone who clearly dislikes her? YABU.

littlebear it sounds like you sil does not like you mum at all, do you really think any if them would really have a nice time if they spent the day together?

I agree with dontmind.

Although it is fair to swap families each year they have never had this option so now have their tradition of going to SIL parents.

From your SIL point of view she can't be expected to drop everything just because it now convinces your family.

I do think they should make the effort to see you all over the Christmas period though.

I think YABU to assume it's all your SIL's fault.

Surely your brother has a mouth in his head and can speak for himself?

Conveniences**

Are you on a cost per word plan OP? This is like pulling teeth.

I know for a fact any time DH declines an invite to something from his parents (sometimes he decides on the spot without even telling me about it) that they put it down to me.

I once got accused of "vetoing" something because DH had had a think, checked the calendar and then phoned them back to say it didn't suit. I wasn't even in the house at the time

They are making an effort but just wish we could spend whole day together, thanks for the opinions, will try to be more understanding of SIL as seems I am perhaps in the wrong

try to be more understanding of SIL

Perhaps your brother is more inclined to spend time with his in-laws, whom he sees regularly, rather than his own parents, who buggered off abroad?

I'm not being biased as I am also a SIL, and spend every other Christmas with my in laws although it is not as enjoyable as with my mum and dad

We moved away from home so parents did not 'b-off'

Oh so they are spending some part of the day with the parents and some with her parents?

A good compromise. What's the problem?