aibu to ask you how much you spend on your teenagers at xmas?

[judgejudithjudy]

ds (15) wants the new xbox - i only want to spend £100 on him - aibu to say no? i can afford it but he is an ungrateful shit who expects everything on a plate - flunking at school & always in trouble. dh agrees with me but my family think we should get him one.

We usually spend a lot. But it's all stuff that is needed/wanted and will get a lot of use.

This year DS is getting a PS4 and DD an iPad Air.

Plus various others things.

The total spend will be high, but there will be no waste.

However, I would never spend more than we can afford; no one should ever feel the need to do that!

However, I would never spend more than we can afford; no one should ever feel the need to do that!

this we should just spend what we can afford

I have DS 16 and DS 14.

DS2 wants a mountain bike, DH has given him a budget of £450.

DS1 wants season 8 of "how I met your mother' £20. However, unbeknown to him, we have bought him some Bose Headphones (he always listens to music) and the new Nexus 5 phone that came out a couple of weeks ago oh and an electric shaver as he is now sporting bumfluff on his chin .

They also both have stocking fillers, iTunes giftcards and toiletries and a couple if items of clothing.

We would never reduce what we spend at Christmas or birthdays because of bad behaviour.

DH did say however that next year when DS1 is 17 that he will get less due to us buying him a car and the cost of insurance etc. DS1 will totally understand this. He is not a grabby boy.

Just as a comfort to those who can't spend as much, my Xmas presents as a teen were never over fifty quid....I still enjoyed them and love my parents! I think this has made it easier for me to appreciate the small things. My lovely DH and his brothers had 500ish each and were just overwhelmed with stuff, if they wanted it it was there, if they mentioned they liked knex they got given ten sets, all console games on they day of release etc. I wouldn't have thought it would have made so much difference but two out of the three are total instant gratifiers, think running up huge debts, and even rushing relationships and kids, then regretting. Very jealous if others have things that they would like too, because they were always the first to have everything.
It isn't really an issue of how much you spend as some kids can get loads and be grateful, but I think there is a lot to be said for learning to wait for things or earn things, and just gratitude and attitude.

A present like that in our house would be a birthday present with other contributions from relatives or the child themselves, ds1 got an ipad mini for his birthday this year, we gave him £100 towards it and he didn't have a birthday party

And my nearly 15 year old eldest boy is an absolute delight ( it's all going to turn to shit now I've said that...he'll discover sex ad drugs and rock n roll) so it wouldn't be based on behaviour

£40 each they are 15 and 17, £20 she is 24

It depends on how much money you have to spend, surely? The idea should be to get them something they would love to have but would have no other means of gaining without leaving you short. If you are very rich and they have lots of pocket money generally then that might mean a car, or carbon fibre racing bicycle, or holiday (older teens here). If you have very little then it might be a second hand bike, or a new jumper, or a meal cooked especially for them. There is no right or wrong amount. The key is not to spend more than you can easily afford but to put in some thought.

This has made me remember when the first DS came out. DS already had a second gen battery run machine and the new style games worked in it but you couldn't hook up cables. I remember working out the cost of batteries and realising they would go a looooong towards paying for it so I bought one, the man advised me, told me to charge it up the day before Xmas, etc.

Then when we went inn the shop which was obligatory on Saturdays, DS (about 7 or 8) eyed it up and I gently explained about already having one, some dc not having one at all and father christmas having to weigh up who needed something most and can still see his understanding little face.

The man in the shop came and hovered and caught my eye and had to walk away before DS twigged. It was very sweet. And the best bit was DS telling his best friend (who had everything) that his was even all ready to work when he unwrapped it.

But that must have been 10/11 years ago and because it was an expensive present it birthday and Christmas from mum and dad and the gp's bought a game and some accessories I recall. But I do recall thinking it was ludicrously expensive.

I'm spending around £275 on each of my teens. DS3 is getting a PS4 which is £349. He has sold old toys on ebay and is putting £125 towards it plus trading in his old XBox to buy some games for the new console.

I don't think you are being unreasonable it's your money and your decision what to buy your son not the families. I am a softy though and would buy it, can you imagine waking up and not getting what you wanted.

also the amount you spend is irrelevant too everyone spends different amounts. my oldest two dds are preteens and have cost me an absolute fortune this year if I had to get into debt to do it or couldn't afford it I would cut back immensely.

to me the most important thing is appreciation and to spend £500+ on an xbox it should certainly be appreciated!!

Somehow I missed that an XBox is 500. What the hell?

the new one is growler, the xbox one

someone up yhread said there on ebay for upwards of £600

Good grief I just looked on Ebay, they're going for 660.

Unbelievable.

Oh. Like you said, threemyself :-) cross post.

I spend about £175 altogether on my 17 year old and 8 year old, all presents included, and then another ~£95 on my eldest, her husband and both my grandchildren (who are both under 2). So £250 for all 6 of the immediate family. It's a lot and I have to really save for it, but I can manage it and it's certainly not more than I can afford. I would never consider going into any debt for christmas or giving up anything essential/important to afford it.

For my kids, I am trying to explain splitting money, but my 17 year old (learning disability, FASD and many other issues) doesn't understand money and works on what she can see not what she's been told - so I don't actually spend the money evenly on them both. I split the presents evenly instead. They have nearly the same number of presents and no one has anything huge to themselves - eg. if I'm buying some train track as a main present and it comes in a big box, I'll mark it for them both, not just for DS, even though he's the one who'll actually use it most of the time, just because 17 year old can't cope with seeing someone else get a massive (in size terms) present, even if she's surrounded by load of smaller ones. So this year I'm doing the same, I won't split the money exactly evenly, but on the day no one will be able to say "she/he has way more presents than me/bigger presents than me"

As for the xbox - no flipping way, as others have said, the pre-orders have already sold out so you'd be spending like £5-600+ on it, and that, in my opinion, is absolutely insane.

£270 not £250

NeartheWindmill - I read that as

This reminds me of when ds first came out"

£50 was and still is the amount my parents spent on me. I think anything more than £75/£100 is unnecessary and I think you'd be daft to spend that much money on anything when he's so ungrateful

We probably will spend about £200 each on our DC aged 14 and 11. They are extremely ungrasping (is that a word?) children and rarely ask for anything they know we'd struggle to afford. Most expensive year was probably when DS got his XBox and DD got a Wii as a comparable present, but they're both still going strong and are very well used. I don't agree with spending fortunes just because you can - where's the value in getting everything you ask for with no thought or effort?