aibu to ask you how much you spend on your teenagers at xmas?

[judgejudithjudy]

ds (15) wants the new xbox - i only want to spend £100 on him - aibu to say no? i can afford it but he is an ungrateful shit who expects everything on a plate - flunking at school & always in trouble. dh agrees with me but my family think we should get him one.

Are your teens well-behaved Int? I wouldn't call my teen a shit in rl but on internet I would if I needed to let off steam.

I'd guess we probably spend 3-400 dollars on our two, depending on what they want/need. Last year we gave ds a netbook and dd an ipod, and they had small birthday presents. It was a bit of a cheat though as ds needed his netbook for school (he is dyslexic). this year I think we are going for a dock for dd and a new ipod for ds (he has dd's old one now). I tend to find it's the bits and bobs that add up though.

What ds really wants is a gaming PC, but that's too much for Christmas IMO and we'd like him to earn some money towards it too. I'm all for setting them targets - ds 'earned' his original xbox from really working hard one summer.

I think that dh will probably buy the PS4 for himself at some point, so essentially the kids just have to hang on and they'll have a new console regardless.

About £200 each on main presents plus stockings. Ds wants a iPod touch but that will have to wait till his birthday in January.we also have dd1s birthday in December so it makes for an expensive couple of months!

Well obviously it will vary depending on what the family can afford.

Could you say that you will give him £100 towards his x-box and that he will have to pay the rest? We have done this (combining money from the GP's too) before now when they have wanted something that cost a lot but wasn't "needed" IYSWIM - I think it's what we did when DS got his x-box, to make him realise the value.

I think in general, about £100 each. But it depends on what the main present is. This year will be considerably more as DD needs a laptop and DS needs a new road bike. I would rather get something they need/want than just buy stuff for the sake of getting something.

OP your family sound like mine! DD is 9 and when she mentioned she'd like a laptop or a tablet my Mum was all "Oh get her one!" and I said "Well...I can't afford it! There's not enough money!"

SHe simply can't understand that...she's always had credit but I made that mistake once at Christmas and NEVER again!

Dd is 17 and I have spent varying amounts on her over the years. One year she had a camera which cost 60 quid or something, the next year she had a laptop which was obviously a lot more.

Her birthday is just before Christmas (bloody terrible timing) and although when she was little I was very strict on keeping birthday and Christmas separate, as see has got older she has had combined birthday and Christmas gifts.

I think I am just buying her some jeans and a coat this Christmas, even though it's her 18th that's all she wants. I have to think of something nice for her birthday, I can't just give her a pair of jeans which she will wreck. Her boyfriend is buying her a pandora bracelet (yuk).

The last two years have been relatively expensive, 16 she had a moped and 17 she had a car. But I only have one child, I can afford it and I never get into debt for Christmas.

When she was younger I was skint and she had hardly any money spent on her, she never minded. I think it's all relative.

Agree with Getorf. It does vary as they get older and DS too got a car last year but it was also his 18th and it falls on Christmas Day. He didn't know and he cried so I don't think he's spoilt. This year DD (15) is getting "don't know" - still wondering how to wrap it up.

I still feel guilty about his first Christmas when he came a bit early and didn't have a present - although me and DH did .

I was never offered cash or presents for gcse results; parents told me I was doing it for myself and my future, not for rewards.

Also dreading my kids being teens if this is what their peers will be getting... Madness, the poster whose sister spends £1000 plus more when he strops. Now that's what I'd call an ungrateful shit.

The bit that annoys me is when my mum buys them a pile of tat so they have lots to open. She does it every year and for years now they roll their eyes when the bags arrive - in trepid anticipation of finding a glove warmer or a beaded purse . And I really don't mean that to sound ungrateful.

Nearthewindmill- I'm perfectly sure a baby a few hours old does not give a shiny shit if he has a present or not!! Madness I tell ya

Nearthewindmill that's lovely.

Dd is in the doesn't know category, in the end she's having a room makeover!
Ds is getting FIFA and a cheaper game for his xbox.

Last year was a bit more, kindle fire and bike.

I don't like spending for the sake of it.

Their stocking fillers come to about £50 each. It sounds a lot, but there are books, DVDs, nice smellies etc, so far 12 presents each ( I keep it fair)

I don't add up how much we spend.

We spend what we can afford and buy what people would like, rather than to make up numbers.

I'm due to have our third probably on Christmas day (or thereabouts!) argh!

I'm sure like a pp we'll try hard not to combine gifts but then as he or she gets older, I'm sure if a big expensive present is desired, they'd be happy to combine!

After adding every little item including advent calendar and token Christmas Eve gift box it all comes to £250 for 13yo ds. His 10 yo brother has the same but that is purely coincidental.
I don't feel comfortable giving advice on teen behaviour so I won't. I do have sympathy though as my 13yo is autistic and dyspraxic so he loses expensive items like his 3DS quite a lot. He also accidentally breaks them too and I find it infuriating how he simply asks for another one like it's nothing. Its not great to realise that £100 of games has just vanished without any kind of explanation or reaction from my ds. He has lost his 3DS again and he will now be responsible for saving his own pocket money to replace it. I refuse to give in to tantrums this time or buy one just to make him happy at Christmas. It'll be much better to teach him how to save so perhaps he'll take better care of his things.

Like others said- it's about what you can afford. I won't be spending anything like £100 on either of my teens, but then they know money is a bit tight and that I am saving up for their university interviews/auditions etc; also, we have a large extended family that we are close to, so in a sense I suppose the money that I am spending elsewhere, on presents for various cousins and uncles, is a kind of investment in their happiness too.

I like this from bunchoffives: "Only spend what you can give without feeling resentful OP." Christmas is not just about giving, but about enjoying giving.

Say you'll give him£100 towards his xbox and ask for money for him from everyone else too.

Windmill that is a lovely story about your son.

I was so pleased actually I bought dd a car. I haven't been able to drive for months due to meds I am on and she has carted me here there and everywhere without grumbling.

Also she reciprocates, I don't know if we are just generous or just profligate idiots but she saved her wages to take me out to a wonderful restaurant for my birthday which cost her a lot, and she bought me a le Creuset buffet pan for no reason this year (thrilled isn't the word) so this is the kind of the which suits our family. Each family is different and there are no hard and fast rules.

100 quid towards the x box is a really good idea, hopefully it will encourage him to save the rest.

I don't know how much I have spent on my teens, probably £500 each. DS1 has a £100 pair of shoes, several £35 t-shirts, £60 hoodies and a Kindle and bits and bobs. DS2 has similar, but less the shoes but is getting a £250 birthday present on Christmas Eve.

DS1's birthday is the 14th December, doesn't know what he wants so it'll probably be money.

It's all relative. We don't buy hardly anything through the year, they are very, very good and work/worked hard at school. We can afford it and don't get into debt for it.

And I barely buy presents for anyone else, no other adults apart from stepson and MIL, a few children in the family, that's it. So I don't have a large Christmas present burden really.

I always think birthdays are more important but because my daughter is a December baby and we have combined presents for years it always looks like I am extravagant.

DP and I don't exchange presents at Christmas, but we do for birthdays.

IMO Christmas is more about the fairy lights and all that FOOD rather than gifts.

I don't add it up but instead buy them what they want so long as we can afford it.

DD1 (16) is getting an ipad mini and her provisional driving licence, along with some make up and smellies for her stocking.

DD2 is still a lot younger and so is happy with whatever we choose but she's got skylanders, games and toys.

We don't do presents for anyone else either. DH and I do exchange gifts, but that'll be in January or maybe February this Christmas because he will be away.

DH's and my siblings don't buy for our DC, only their grandparents (they give money) so they don't get loads from anyone else.

why dont all your family give him money then if theyw ant him to have the xbox isn't the new one £400 or something i cant afford to spend that on one child I spend about £250 on dds i get the thing they want then just bits and bobs after that dd2 is having an IPod as her main present, it realy is up to you how much you spend,

We don't do punishments or rewards. I don't think that Christmas gifts should be tied to how much you 'like' your kid's/behavior. I think that if you show unconditional love and consistently model good behavior, they'll do what you do. But I'm not having a pop op, I understand where you are coming from, and I know it's difficult in practice.

Dss is our only teen, we usually spend about £150 on him, his mum spends a lot more (she's got a lot more money), then grandparents etc. Last year we were pretty skint so we spent a lot less. Interestingly, he brought it up a couple of weeks ago and told me that he'd loved everything we'd gotten him last year because it felt like we'd really thought about what he liked, in contrast to his mum, who'd spent probably 3 times as much, but who he didn't feel took much interest in what he liked. He's a sensitive kind of guy!

I don't think any amount is too little or too much, it just depends what you can afford. I like having a lot of toys for the kids, they get a lot of use out of them, so I spend as much as I can afford. If you approve of the thing itself, can afford it, and believe it will make him happy, don't not buy it to punish him, it's manipulative and not in the spirit of Christmas!

I don't do punishment/reward either I just don't see the point I never did if you are a good X you will get Christmas,

For a teenager I'd get them involved (as noted above) and contribute 100 towards it and encourage them to look on Ebay.

I have an 11 year old and I probably spend around 200 on him I think? I certainly would not feel bad about 100.