aibu to ask you how much you spend on your teenagers at xmas?

[judgejudithjudy]

ds (15) wants the new xbox - i only want to spend £100 on him - aibu to say no? i can afford it but he is an ungrateful shit who expects everything on a plate - flunking at school & always in trouble. dh agrees with me but my family think we should get him one.

Ds, 7, gets about £500 spent on him but there's just the two of us, no other kids or partner for me to buy for. I'd probably spend less if there were more people to buy for.

£250 maximum spend. Probably a lot less depends on behaviour moodiness etc. he hasnt asked for anything in particular this year. I have 4 dc and I try and be fair with them but the dds aged 7 and 4 don't need anyway near that much for a decent pile. Ds1 (7) had been asking for an iPad mini but she's changed her mind and wants a furby!

I know it's an interesting thread to read and I can see why the OP wants advice (though I think calling her son "an ungrateful shit" is really awful) but I wonder how it feels for so many people on MN who can't buy these things for their children and who know their children will have to face other children over Christmas who've had so much spent on them.

DS has asked for some good quality headphones this year. He's almost 19. About £300. His birthday is also on Xmas Day. He'll be given money by his grandma's and will spend it on clothes. He's not too much trouble though.

DD hasn't asked for anything and so far I have bought her: v nice pyjamas, hat scarf and glove set, nice bra and knicker set, handbag and will probably buy her some earrings. She will also get something nice form each of her grandmas but I still have the £75 from one from her birthday in the summer because she hasn't wanted anything. She has, however wittered about a better flute but I'm not sure I can bring myself to make that a Christmas present.

14 year old nephew wants ps4 for xmas but sis can't afford it so theyve come to an agreement that he gives all his bday money towards it. he is happy with that and think it's fair. teenagers who are ungrateful shouldn't be handed things on a plate Xmas or not.

OP £100 is absoloutly fine. if he wants one he can get a little job at 16 and save up

Imperial it probably doesn't feel great, and I've been there, however not everyone doesn't give these sort of presents because they can't. I know various parents who could afford such thing but don't choose to give them. I could afford more but don't go crazy but then I know parents who stretch themselves or go into debt to give masses more than I give my DC. They might even prioritise fancy presents over eating decent food throughout the year.

We'll spend about £150 on our 14 yo ds. Can only afford that because I used vouchers to buy most of my younger 2 dss presents.

Mine all get £150 each this year.

I have five children and just started a new job but don't get paid until jan.

The older three want Xbox games, it really doesn't go far when the presents they want are more expensive so they will have very little to open on the day.

£100 - £120ish.

op, the way you talk about your ds I would suggest spending some time with him, not money on him.

I shit you not. My sister spends over a thousand on her 13 year old son. When he throws a fit on Christmas day that he hasn't got this or that, off they go on boxing day to get his "missing" presents. She is a single parent but works. All her money goes on him. Madness.
I do very much love my nephew though.

To add, every xmas she gives him one coins in a sack which equals a 100 pounds. Apparently it's a fun tradition.

That made no sense. 100 pounds in coins in a sack.

Holy shit puddings

£1000 and still asks/strops for more .

Although I don't suppose you can blame the child if that's what he's used to.

puddings, I know its your family but that's awful and she's daft!

stropping and getting MORE stuff as a reward? OMG! mine would be getting what they HAD confiscated if they showed ANY ingratitude.

he is an ungrateful shit who expects everything on a plate - flunking at school & always in trouble

It doesn't sound as though you have any respect for your DS and that is probably why he is going off the rails

We talk in tens rather than hundreds.
If they want something expensive, they know they can ask for money contributions for birthday and Christmas and save up.
Sometimes, when it is equipment they need for a hobby, then we spend more if it's something that's going to last them - so, for example as my ds does a lot of camping, hiking and other outdoor stuff, it's worth spending more on some better quality waterproofs, sleeping bag, rucksack, etc, so on the occasions he's had something like that, it will be more than the general run of things, but will be better 'value for money' in the long run, and isn't just something that will be replaced by the next 'gadget' the following year.

grandtit - I don't think you've got any idea just how much a badly behaved teen can wind parents up!

Only spend what you can give without feeling resentful OP. But also bear in mind your teen's behaviour will get better eventually. This too shall pass.

• intitgrand

100 is too much. Tell him you will pay completely if he studies for x hours per week by Easter?

I have 3 teens of my own bunchoffives and wouldn't dream of calling them shits

actually I have 2 teens and a 12.5 yo

100 max per child (5 DC) although have also got them a new TV for each shared room as theirs was not very good. If they wanted x box 1 etc then they would have to add to it with relatives money etc.

DD2 is getting a £200 nexus, but her sister is after an iphone for Christmas and her 16th. birthday. She is happy to wait until the autumn when her contract runs out. I haven't reminded her she'll have GCSE results by then. If she gets a B for English she can have the phone.

It is also DD2's also her birthday after Christmas and she wont get anything as expensive then. Also teens don't demand huge whole class parties, sleepover and a DVD is way cheaper.

Only lap tops come over the £400 mark normally, consoles are shared.