Why are some parent OTT?

[Mittensonkittens]

Most people I know with children talk about their children in glowing terms and describe them as 'forward' 'advanced' 'very able' ' extremely bright' etc.
I adore my ds (4) but I'm well aware that he's most likely broadly average. He's happy and chatty and great fun though. It kind of stresses me out when other parents go on about how bright their child is. I wonder if mine is actually behind. I have to keep reminding myself to get a grip and it doesn't really even matter what level they are at at 4. And how someone else's child is has no impact on my own.

I think what has brought it home is several parents on the reception playground talking about how far their children had come since starting school and how they were 'reading fluently' and how advanced they were. This stressed me out until they mentioned specific levels and they were either the same or slightly behind my ds. Yet I'd never go on about him like they were. Although tbh even if he were reading lord of the rings I'd probably keep it to myself on the playground.

I wonder if it's because I am a teacher so I sort of know what falls under usual development and what really is a bit in front. I feel stupidly disloyal to my ds because I don't feel comfortable talking about his academic ability to anyone really which is mad isn't it?

I just don't understand why so many parents speak like this? Surely they must realise that most children fall mainly into the average bracket? That's why it's average! And also that other things are more important.
I just feel like motherhood is a constant competition between parents. Although I appreciate that is my own personal feeling and I should just ignore it.

However Aibu to find the constant 'my child is so advanced' annoying? Even in the supermarket yesterday the lady on the checkout was telling me about her dd and how she's 'forward' and 'advanced'. I seem to find most people I encounter can't mentioned their children without using these terms! I'm a misery aren't I?!

Whoops! Not sure why that's in bold.

My DD didnt start walking til 16 months, did it when she was ready, i didnt walk til 20 months.

The funniest thing about this thread is not that people have said UABU or UANBU but have boasted about how bright their children are!

Sorry . I didn't post to brag. I posted to point out how bloody embarrassing it is if you do have a child who does things out of the ordinary because you can't talk about it without sounding horribly PFB while others can feel free to marvel at the freak.

I included the comment about her teaching herself to read to stall anyone who inferred that I'd hothoused her.

The bragging about their kids doesn't bother me so much it's the parents who constantly boast about their perfect parenting that irritate the hell out of, a few of my friends who I love face to face really really annoy me on facebook with constant photos of taking their kids to the park, cakes they made, how they're having local organic homemade burgers for dinner and how their kids hardly ever watch tv blah blah and there's the ones who assume their child's early speech or whatever is due entirely to their fantastic parenting.

I know what you mean Goldmandra.

Bragging is annoying and Fakebook just enables and encourages this thoughtless me me me behaviour
Also I'm old enough to remember when this sort of behaviour was thought of as being " American" and something "modest Brits " would never do.... How times change...

My dd is utterly brilliant at IT and, specifically, graphic design. This is to the point that she has actually shown her tutors a few things. I am very proud of her, as she has found something she loves and works hard at. And she's coping with a recent diagnosis of Aspergers.

If you'd asked last year I would have been proclaiming my despair at her poor performance in her A level courses though because she did as little work as possible.

Of course lots of people think their kids are advanced. The difference is, and where YANBU, it is really bad form to go shouting about it in public.

Ds is not advanced at all. He has severe ASD. I'm proud of him for managing his behaviour better and trying so many new things this year.

I am proud of my ds.If that irritates anyone then I am sorry but my ds is prob the person I talk about most as I spend most of my life with him so I cant really help but tell people about him.If he struggles with something I talk about that too,I bet people at work are sick of hearing about how hard potty training was and how he hates meat....

I think the boasting is hilarious. Clearly born out of insecurity and a desperate need to be validated. I have never spoken to another school mum about anything to do with my DS's abilities. I won't here, even, but draw your own conclusions

I find it hard to be irritated by proud parents. I'm a firm believer in the philosophy that every child needs parents who believe they're special and who support a culture of excellence, thereby creating a self-fulfilling belief. IME it's very difficult to be even a moderately bright child in this country (private education and leafy areas of London and the SE excepted) and attitudes that goes towards countering the general lean towards mediocrity are a good thing.

If parents are going on and on about their DC to the point of boring their audience, or being ridiculously competitive then they obviously have poor social skills and are to be gently avoided. I can overlook a few parent-goggle exaggerrations and embellishments.

I sometimes wonder if my friends think my DC are 'behind' as I never mention academic achievements and am more likely to affectionately rib the DC than wax on about how amazing they are.
I cringe for my friends when they do it about their children as I'm sure they don't realise how they sound.

I always think of a girl who was my best friend when we were very little. I knew her from the age of about 18 months and she was at the same school as me until we were 16. She was always top at everything. She could read before I could, draw certain shapes before I could, her maths was better, she was a better dancer, better at sport.... She was even taller It must have been horrible for my mum because she was brilliant at everything and her mum was super smug about it, whilst I was very average.

But then suddenly aged around 10 or 11 it all stopped. She got as good as she was going to and I kept going. When it came to secondary school I suddenly was better at everything and ended up with better GCSEs, A Levels, degree and eventually job. And I'm 6 inches taller lol. My mum always says it proves nothing and she wishes she hadn't spent all those years comparing and worrying about me.

I have to say my MIL was positively nauseating about her first GC. She proclaimed to all who would listen - deadly serious - that he was ''definitely going to be a dentist, like his mother'', because he was ''so incredibly bright and would obviously want to do what his mother is doing''. This was when he was aged about 3. She genuinely harbored grave concerns about his nursery, as they were not 'stretching him'.

It's forgivable in a GP though, somehow

(thankfully she has stopped all that. (he's 5, nearly 6 now) the boy is a lovely lad, but/and is perfectly and happily average. plus, he now has cousins to prove it)

I think that human development is truly astonishing and, particularly in the first few years, children are just amazing in the way that they learn to do things. Some parents mistake their child's amazing development as being 'gifted' when actually they are just developing at a normal rate for a human.

I have been a teacher for 6 years in a very good school and have taught over 300 kids in that time (2 form entry school). In that time, I have taught lots of very bright children, and some of them have made it onto the 'g&t' register. However there is only one child I can think of who was exceptionally gifted and talented, to the point that I thought 'yes, that is unusual'. It was for maths, he was on the bright side of average for everything else.

Please excuse my terrible English in my last post - I am obviously not gifted at proof reading!

Fluffy are an accepted exception imo

GP's I mean!!

YANBU. In my generous moments, I think such bragging is endearing, as it shows that parents are very proud of their children. Learning to walk, to speak, to read can seem pretty miraculous to doting parents even when it happens on an average time scale. So it's rather sweet when people think their own PFB is off the charts exceptional, even when the child is actually just progressing at a normal rate.

But in my less generous moments, I find this sort of insistence on giftedness really irritating. In my neck of the woods, competition among parents has become ridiculous. IMO, very few children are genuinely gifted. Some may be accelerated learners or slightly ahead of their peers, but only a tiny minority are so advanced that they belong to a separate category. But some parents fall all over themselves to pronounce their offspring the most exceptional creatures who ever walked the earth. It is cringe worthy, especially when it is something like "My 7-year-old reads at a 9-year-old level." Well, it's lovely that your child is reading well, but that isn't what I'd call gifted. It's far more important that he enjoys reading, loves learning, works hard, etc.

I have 6 kids and just "knew" they were advanced. Don't think I bragged though - I'm quite shy. Otherwise.....

Life teaches you though. Now they are aged between 32 and 19. Those with high IQs struggle with mental health issues. One other has had such serious health issues we thought we might lose him this year.

These days if they are kind, thoughtful, hold down a job ( if that is possible for them), help others if they have a chance, I'm happy.

In fact, sometimes I've been happy and proud if they're still breathing in and out.

I post on FB when I've managed to do something remotely proper person/parent like. It's not intended to be an I'm a better parent than you kind of thing. It's more look I'm not actually as bad as everyone says I am. It's a reaction to being called the worst mother in the history of all mothers.

As for my DC dd1 took forever to start walking and dd2 can't speak yet. Maybe they actually are right and I am the worst mother ever .

I seem to have a few of these around me at the moment , but thankfully none that I actually speak to , more that I've overheard . Fortunately we moved schools as in my DS's old school , his best friend's mother was competive beyond all sense . As in looking through DS's communications book from the school to check his reading levels , how many multiplication stars he'd got , you name it . I know she did , because the day after he'd been , she'd casually mention something related . It got to the point that I'd intercept his school bag before he visited . And then we'd have the ' X read six chapters of Doestovsky before breakfast ' 'He can paint in watercolour perfectly well , but we think its a bit limiting'. X was 8 . It used to wind her up immensely that I was always non commital , because I knew her point was to make me feel inferior . No chance lady .

All I know , is that X was exceptionally talented in leaving the Worlds Biggest Poo in my loo , and not flushing .

Ignore-they are insecure.

Agree that people who do this may be insecure but of course it plays to every other parent's fears that their child might not be as good at something, particularly in the first couple of years when there are specific milestones to reach. OP try not to take it personally and compare. Mind you I do wonder where all these boastful parents are. Most people I know are quite deprecating about their children even the parents of quite advanced kids.

You do not need to worry. Mine are adults now and children often don't turn out anything like you expect! In my experience those with the truly advanced children are very modest and don't mention it. It is those who want very advanced children that make the most noise. It is at its worst from birth to about 7yrs.

Bergholt you have nailed it.. It's not that a parent being proud of their children is annoying its because they assume their DC are so brilliant because of their brilliant parenting! So those people are basically commenting negatively on other people's parenting....