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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel guilty about this?

115 replies

Babysealion · 23/11/2013 18:34

I unexpectedly fell pregnant in May and my grandparents have been so good to us. when me and DP moved in together in September they basically took me to Dunelm Mill and bought us everything we needed. We got a sofa second-hand for free from one of DP's mum's colleagues.
My grandparents have always done a lot for me growing up and I have a very special relationship with them.
They've bought so many baby things, clothes, helped me out with all my clothes, my nana takes me for my hair, feet and nails doing every 6 weeks. I go out for the day with them once a week and they always send me home with bags of stuff. Because of all their help, me and DP have been able to build up a considerable savings pot for a mortgage and a rainy day fund.
the springs in our sofa have gone so last night we went to Dfs and found one in the sale for £600. We put down a £200 deposit and applied for 3 years interest free finance to pay off the rest. Our finance has been declined as we are not on the electoral roll register.
I rang my nana to ask if she'd put it in her name and we'd set up the standing order for the amount of finance every month to go into her account (so essentially we pay it, her and my grandad just have their names on it).
My nana said no I will pay for it upfront and you give me bits of money towards it every so often.
I feel awful and guilty that she's doing this for us so close to Christmas. AIBU and should I insist on her doing the finance, or let her pay and then we give it her back?

OP posts:

HallyWhy · 23/11/2013 19:57

Again, why aren't you on the electoral register?

Not being registered will stop you from getting credit and you are required by law to fill in the electoral census that was sent out recently.

cate16 · 23/11/2013 19:59

My mum/dad do this all the time with the grandchildren, and my brother and I sometimes.
As she points out- although not rich they have no money worries. More importantly she would rather see us enjoying little luxuries now, rather than getting a cash lump some when they die.

RhondaJean · 23/11/2013 19:59

Re the electoral register, they only moved in in September.

McBinkers · 23/11/2013 20:01

From a purely practical point of view, register on Electoral role and open the finance and pay it yourself so that your credit rating increases in time for your mortgage application.

Also it would be good not to be as reliant on your grandparents

elskovs · 23/11/2013 20:02

Just read the replies, I don't know why people are being so mean!

I think its lovely that they help you out so much. I got married at 21 and my Granma gave us £200,000 as a wedding present, which meant we could buy our first place outright. We sold it and moved up the ladder but even 8 years later we still only have a tiny mortgage.

Is that any different?? Would all the people calling OP a baby if she had accepted a one off cash gift?

thistlelicker · 23/11/2013 20:03

September still means plenty time to be registered

HallyWhy · 23/11/2013 20:05

OP, all of this aside you need to get registered or you won't be able to get a mortgage.

Optimist1 · 23/11/2013 20:15

So what's the "rainy day" pot for OP? I would have thought a new sofa would be a good reason for using this.

You don't seem to realise how your grandparents are spoiling you, but they are obviously happy to do so. Don't take advantage, though.

unlucky83 · 23/11/2013 20:27

I have this - I'm in my late 40s. If my parents come to visit my dad pays for everything. If we eat out he pays, or refunds me if I pay by card etc...
My DU (now dead) used to give me petrol money or the train fare when I went to visit my parents.
DP and I don't need to worry about money - we could pay but my Dad insists (as did my DU, who didn't have children). Not taking it would cause an argument - and would seem ungrateful. My DM buys coats etc for my DDs. They are comfortable and can afford it and want to.
As my DM says she can't take money with her and she would rather see us enjoy and appreciate things while she is alive, we will get it when she is dead anyway and she won't get the pleasure...
It makes me a little uncomfortable - I become aware of how much things are costing and worry more than if I was paying myself...
So if OP's nana wants to help her out and she appreciates how lucky she is I don't see a problem. Hopefully she will be careful with money and be in a position to do the same for her grandchildren. As I am aiming to do.
I would however suggest not to get a sofa from DFS - no such thing as interest free credit - you are paying more for something than it is worth to cover the cost of the credit (and others' bad debts).

Use your savings (or even your Nana's savings) to buy a sofa outright from somewhere like Ikea or second hand. And put the £17 a month into your savings account (or repay your Nana).

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 23/11/2013 22:34

McBinkers is right, Babysealion - you need to get onto the electoral register and start building up a good credit rating - otherwise you might struggle to get a mortgage (or might not get the best deals).

pulcinella · 23/11/2013 23:30

One practical point: if you or your nana have the money to pay the whole price outright, ask the salesman what kind o deal they'll do you on the price.

Interest-free credit costs them money, so if you are prepared to pay up front it is better for them.

I think you're possibly quite young, and asking for a discount takes a bit of nerve, but if you don't try you'll never know. You might surprise yourself! Good luck.

MistAllChuckingFrighty · 23/11/2013 23:37

You won't get a mortgage without being on the electoral roll

Tell us again why you aren't on the electoral roll

oh, you didn't

KingCrimson · 24/11/2013 02:51

As pulcinella says, there's no such thing as interest-free finance - the interest is included in the price. So if you do decide to pay upfront, you should get a large discount.

Pearlsaplenty · 24/11/2013 08:58

I think people are being a bit too harsh.

Nana offered. She probably didn't want to take on a finance payment plan.

Maybe op you should offer to pay 300 in advance and then repay £30 a month for the next 10 months just so nana is repaid faster than previously planned.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 24/11/2013 10:27

On one level, I can easily imagine being a grandparent, with plenty of disposable cash, with a grandchild who is struggling to furnish their first home and save for a mortgage at the same time - and taking them to somewhere like Dunelm Mill, to buy a big, one-off present of things for the house - it would be a lovely gift, and hard for me, as the grandparent, to resist doing.

On the other hand, I am not sure that the regular mani-pedi and hair appointment is as easily understandable. In a way, it is reducing Babysealion to a child, being taken out for a 'treat' by Grandma. She isn't being allowed to be an adult who sometimes takes Grandma out for a treat. If it were me, I would be saying to Grandma that I love going out with her and spending that time together, but that I want to take my turn at paying for the treat (or for a different treat - because two mani-pedis and hairdos must run to at least £100, and maybe the OP couldn't afford that) - and that if I am not going to be allowed to treat Grandma, and do my fair share, then the regular treats might have to stop.

It is lovely that the OP is getting to spend this time with her grandma on a regular basis - but there are lots of things they could do together that wouldn't be as expensive, so the OP could take her turn at paying.

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