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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel guilty about this?

115 replies

Babysealion · 23/11/2013 18:34

I unexpectedly fell pregnant in May and my grandparents have been so good to us. when me and DP moved in together in September they basically took me to Dunelm Mill and bought us everything we needed. We got a sofa second-hand for free from one of DP's mum's colleagues.
My grandparents have always done a lot for me growing up and I have a very special relationship with them.
They've bought so many baby things, clothes, helped me out with all my clothes, my nana takes me for my hair, feet and nails doing every 6 weeks. I go out for the day with them once a week and they always send me home with bags of stuff. Because of all their help, me and DP have been able to build up a considerable savings pot for a mortgage and a rainy day fund.
the springs in our sofa have gone so last night we went to Dfs and found one in the sale for £600. We put down a £200 deposit and applied for 3 years interest free finance to pay off the rest. Our finance has been declined as we are not on the electoral roll register.
I rang my nana to ask if she'd put it in her name and we'd set up the standing order for the amount of finance every month to go into her account (so essentially we pay it, her and my grandad just have their names on it).
My nana said no I will pay for it upfront and you give me bits of money towards it every so often.
I feel awful and guilty that she's doing this for us so close to Christmas. AIBU and should I insist on her doing the finance, or let her pay and then we give it her back?

OP posts:

Original poster

Babysealion · 23/11/2013 18:52

I'm not relying on anyone to bail us out at all. I asked if they could put a finance agreement in their name and we will pay it every single month.
I will use my savings, like I already said.
I am most definitely not 'spoilt'. I don't expect anything and I'm extremely appreciative of the things that they do for me. I've moved to a new area, I don't know anyone here, I have no friends here as all my old ones have gone off to uni, my nana and grandad come and take me out sometimes on my days off. How is that spoilt?

OP posts:

Original poster

Babysealion · 23/11/2013 18:54

I'm not trying to be a 'grasping freeloader' at all!

OP posts:

thistlelicker · 23/11/2013 18:54

Sometimes just say no otherwise u will come to expect u!

I don't understand why u even asked them when you have been clear enough in saying you have the savings

thistlelicker · 23/11/2013 18:54

Or even simpler put finance in own name

TheGreatWizardQuiQuaeQuod · 23/11/2013 18:55

Things like replacing broken furniture is what rainy day money is for. It's certainly better, if you have the money, to pay up front than to pay a massive amount on top of the value of the furniture for the 'benefit' of paying weekly.

Buy the furniture yourself and the money you would have paid your grandparents over the next year can be paid back into your rainy day fund.

It's important to be independent. It's lovely that your grandparents want to help you out. You're lucky and it's great to know that if you genuinely needed help, they'd willingly give it.

But not so you can keep your own rainy day fund in the bank. That's not fair.

Don't feel awful about it, you don't sound like a terrible person, but you did ask for opinions. And the fact that you feel guilty means you already know it's the wrong thing.

Feminine · 23/11/2013 18:55

Wow! spoilt much?

Too many people have been bailing you out young lady!

sort it all yourselves

BearsInMotion · 23/11/2013 18:55

Do they know about your savings?

Original poster

Babysealion · 23/11/2013 18:56

Because I would rather spread the payments out over a period of time than pay it all in one go then we have the savings for back up.
I will repeat myself. I did not ask anyone to pay upfront for me or give me the money for it. I asked my nana to put the finance agreement in her name. She has always told us if we need any help with anything like that we can ask her. I didn't expect her to offer to pay for it all upfront either.

OP posts:

Pancakeflipper · 23/11/2013 18:56

Dear OP
You are incredibly lucky to have such lovely grandparents.
Think about how much you "take" from them. If you think it's great and fine then you will continue as you are.
If you think that you and your partner are now grown-up then rethink how much "taking" you do.

I am not saying they cannot help or treat you. But it seems excessive and I cannot work out if you are subconsciously turning to them each time you need something in the hope they will bail you out.

Doing and sorting stuff out yourself also is good.

Original poster

Babysealion · 23/11/2013 18:57

Yes they know about my savings, they have encouraged us to build them up and told us how important it is that we get a decent amount put away for a mortgage so we have the security of owning our own house.

OP posts:

youmakemydreams · 23/11/2013 18:58

Essentially I agree with what others are saying. If you have savings then use them. But part of me thinks of my gran when she was still alive. In her later years she had very little in terms of her own needs. She had treated herself to a large fancy telly and American fridge freezer thing, it was as big as my kitchen. She had a good pension and she had paid off her own funeral.
As a family all bar her brother were happy she was treating herself and enjoying her comforts in her old age. That transferred onto all of us though. She would often send sums of money to one of us every now and then for some job or other we had done for her when we visited. She had always enjoyed giving gifts and seeing the recipients enjoyment of them and this to her was the same. She wasn't able to go out much by herself so gave money instead. She would get very upset and offended if you tried to refuse and would find a way to get it to you anyway.
I'm not sure how I would feel accepting such a large sum as in the op but I also know that my gran would have tried to do the same when she was alive. She had the money and was in a position to treat and was still alive to enjoy your enjoyment of it.

thistlelicker · 23/11/2013 18:58

And I will repeat what myself and a few have done.... Apple for own finance

RhondaJean · 23/11/2013 18:58

I think what other posters are trying to say is that they could not possibly accept this level of financial support as being an adult means paying your own way.

I accept it's very kind of them and you do not mean to take advantage but don't you find it humiliating that they are effectively subsiding you, your partner and your baby? Doesn't he? And if not why not (particularly reference to him there).

ShatnersBazoolium · 23/11/2013 18:59

You're being disingenuous. If course you know it's wrong to ask for help when you don't need it, and of course you know taking out a credit agreement isn't a simple favour. Stop taking advantage of your Nan's kind nature.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 23/11/2013 18:59

Spreading the payments is all well and good, but it does end up costing you more, because of the interest you are paying.

TheGreatWizardQuiQuaeQuod · 23/11/2013 19:00

you sound like my eldest son. He wants to have all the computer games and latest toys yet he doesn't want to take his money out of the bank to pay for them.

I tell him that he can't have both. It's an important lesson to learn. He's 14. Money is saved in order to buy things and in order to have something behind you. You can't keep all your money and get everything you want and need.

I repeat, I don't think you are a horrible person, and I actually think people are being rather too blunt with you here, I just think you are perhaps a little naive or blinkered and focused on making sure your fund stays intact.

RhondaJean · 23/11/2013 19:00

Btw if you really don't want to dip your savings you can get a very nice second hand sofa for £200.

picnicbasketcase · 23/11/2013 19:01

I think people are being quite harsh on the OP, she's already changed her mind and said she's using the savings instead.

Original poster

Babysealion · 23/11/2013 19:01

It's an interest free payment plan, we wouldn't have looked into it otherwise. I think we will just go and look for a cheap second hand sofa, or go and buy this one upfront with our savings.

OP posts:

AgentZigzag · 23/11/2013 19:01

'Obviously made the wrong decision posting on AIBU.'

You've set up the dilemma in the opening post detailing just how much they do for you, we wouldn't have know that if you hadn't said.

I can't understand why you'd involve them at all in your decision to buy anything, if you want to spread the payments out you have to find a way round it yourself.

It's harsh, but you must have taking it to them you must have known they'd say they'd pay.

You must have expected it, even I would after just reading your OP and I don't know them!

Chippednailvarnish · 23/11/2013 19:02

The savings that her grandparents gave her.

You're an adult OP start behaving like one and pay your own way.

thistlelicker · 23/11/2013 19:04

Or wait until Boxing Day sales if ure that precious over savings

TheGinLushMinion · 23/11/2013 19:05

AIBU is harsh, it is also very honest-sometimes the truth hurts.

Glad you've decided to use your savings as this is precisely what savings are for.

You have lovely GP who already do enough for you, but you already knew that right?

PolkaDotParty · 23/11/2013 19:08

Why do you feel guilty about this especially? I'd have been feeling guilty months ago when they bought you half of Dunelm Mill for a start. I think you knew,she'd offer.

catgirl1976 · 23/11/2013 19:09

Why did you want something on finance when you could afford to buy it up front?

I genuinely don't understand that part.

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