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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to ask in what way have I harmed my baby by not bf?

223 replies

LostMarbles99 · 22/11/2013 23:55

Before my baby arrived I decided I was going to ff. Ds is 10 months now and I still get little pangs of regret that I didn't try to bf.

There have been lots of threads on here recently about bf/ff and one person said how they felt so sad the baby didn't even get the first feed from its mother.

I totally get that some people cant bf but I didn't even try. Was this really wrong of me? Be honest?

OP posts:
BaronessBomburst · 23/11/2013 01:11

My MIL would eat the lemon curd. And arise with renewed energy from all the sugar, protein and vitamins. :(

elfycat · 23/11/2013 01:13

Sad Baroness

What about a vat of marmite?

Goldmandra · 23/11/2013 01:13

There are vitamins in lemon curd? Shock

SunriseSurprise · 23/11/2013 01:15

What about diet of mum? Surely some mums who have pretty crap/unhealthy diets would be doing better for their baby by ff? Anyone know anything factual on this angle?

BaronessBomburst · 23/11/2013 01:17

What about a vat of marmite?

I'm not wasting perfectly good marmite on MIL!

Of course there's vitamins. Made with lemons, innit. Must be in marmalade too. And wine......

AgentZigzag · 23/11/2013 01:17

One of your five a day Gold Wink

My MIL's crap, but not even on the third rung of the ladder of stories I've read on here Shock Plus she hasn't visited since she forgot DD1s birthday last year

BlingBang · 23/11/2013 01:20

My Mil is lovely - that might be too controversial for Mn though.

BaronessBomburst · 23/11/2013 01:20

SunriseSurprise Do you seriously want linkies?

Basically, the composition of BM is pretty much the same, whatever you eat, and how much or little, as it draws from the stores in the woman's own body.

elfycat · 23/11/2013 01:22

MIL sent a generic card for DD2's 3rd birthday this week. From a multipack. Of course I can't complain as I don't send cards (only gifts). She gave DH a card to give to our niece but luckily DD2 tore it up so that saved us the bother.

It's possibly a passive aggressive card that was sent to DD2.

notundermyfoof · 23/11/2013 01:24

What is with all the bf/ff threads on here atm?! You made your choice and your dc is fit and well so theres no point worrying about it now. The cost of formula is eye watering though - £10 per week for 10 months is £400! That was enough to convince me to give bf a try.

BaronessBomburst · 23/11/2013 01:25

here's one for a start

elfycat · 23/11/2013 01:35

Unless you are taking certain medications, illegal drugs or excessive alcohol I'm sure BM is nutritionally sound.

I still maintain that a less-stressed mother is beneficial in her own right. Better to ff than to bf and have issues from: resenting it/hate it/pain/that weird raynaulds white nipple thing/sleep deprivation/never go out DD2 wouldn't take a bottle until 11 months /biting down/teething.

I did it, I don't regret it but I was a hint jealous of the freedom of ff.

SunriseSurprise · 23/11/2013 01:35

Thanks Baroness for the link. Yes, I understand all that but I suppose I was being too vague about crap diets. Mums who heavily smoke/drink would be better ff than bf.

AgentZigzag · 23/11/2013 01:38

Don't you mean your MIL has been lovely to you so far Bling? (nearly put sews Grin)

Mwahahahaha

BlingBang · 23/11/2013 01:41

Well, it's only been 18 years! But there was that time...

BlueLagoonz · 23/11/2013 01:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BaronessBomburst · 23/11/2013 01:47

smoking

drinking at 'normal' levels

But let's face it, if a mother is drinking heavily, FF is the last of anyone's worries. :(

loveolives · 23/11/2013 07:08

IMHO you are unreasonable to not even try, yes. Even if you can give some colostrum.

You wouldn't have harmed your baby but if he has any health related difficulties they could have been less severe had you breastfed - does that make sense?

whatshallwedo · 23/11/2013 07:49

Caitlin17 ever thought that might be because your son was bf for 2 months?

whatshallwedo · 23/11/2013 07:49

Caitlin17 ever thought that might be because your son was bf for 2 months?

msmoss · 23/11/2013 07:54

Agent I think that is the first time a BF/FF thread has raised a smile from me, thank you Smile

Minifingers · 23/11/2013 08:02

Well - you asked a specific question, so here's a specific answer:

Your baby may have slightly less white matter in his brain, according to this latest piece of research listed by UNICEF:

"Breastfeeding and early white matter development in the brain

This study compared the amount of white matter, which facilitates the rapid and synchronised brain messaging required for higher-order cognitive functions, in the brains of 133 healthy children from 10 months to 4 years of age using magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) scanning, and compared the results of infants who were:

exclusively breastfed for three months
exclusively formula-fed
mixed fed with breastmilk and formula.

In addition they examined the relationship between breastfeeding duration and white matter microstructure.

Results of this study describe some of the earliest changes in human white matter development, including an association between early exclusive breastfeeding and improved developmental growth in the late maturing white matter regions of the brain. This area of the brain is associated with higher-order cognition such as planning, social-emotional functioning and language.

Extended breastfeeding was positively associated with improved white matter structure and cognitive performance, including language performance, visual reception and motor control.

Whilst the mechanism remains unclear, breastmilk is rich in long chain fatty acids found in breastmilk (docosahexaenoic (DHA) and arachidonic (AA) acids) which promote neural growth and white matter development. Formula and weaning foods only contain the precursors to these.

In conclusion, the authors state that this study provides further support for the hypothesis that breastmilk promotes healthy neural growth and white matter development.

Deoni SCL, Dean DC, Piryatinsky I et al (2013) Breastfeeding and early white matter development: A cross-sectional study. Neurolmage. 82. 77-86."

IneedAsockamnesty · 23/11/2013 08:24

*According to my DD, lemon curd makes a passable substitute for ketchup when you've run out of the red stuff. Good with sausages apparently.

Should I try it on my bacon earnie in the morning*

She's quite correct.

Its also very good directly from a teaspoon or dumped unceremoniously on top of hot sponge cake.

Minifingers · 23/11/2013 08:24

Can I add - no point having a wobble about this now. Stable door open. Horse bolted.

And rest assured that very few of our lifestyle or diet choices actually make differences to our children which are VISIBLE to the individual.

Hence the need for MRI scanning in the study below.

I've been thinking about this in relation to my friend telling me her 6 year old eats no vegetables at all, including potatoes. You'd never know it to look at him (well, he's very overweight, but so are the whole family so I doubt that's just about the lack of veg in his diet).

Children and babies are very robust, thank goodness. Grin

Thants · 23/11/2013 08:31

I can't imagine why anyone wouldn't want to try. Entirely out of curiosity! Even if I'd decided to ff I'd wanna bf just once just to see what it feels like. Gots boobs I wanna try them out Grin