Are we raising a generation of helpless kids?

[YouTheCat]

Interesting article in the Huffington Post about if we (generally) are doing too much for our kids, letting them get away with things and not letting them take the consequences.

I have to say I find a lot of it quite true, though obviously not about every parent but in a general way. I see a lot of this at school. Parents descending full of violent indignation that their child has been reprimanded or hasn't got a place in an after school club, where I had never seen this behaviour when I was at school (bloody ages ago).

My own dd (18) has some funny idea that she will waltz into a fantastic job after college when, in reality, she will probably have to work in Asda and gain some experience first.

And it's for that reason that dd chose not to bother with uni and to go to college instead, taking a vocational type course that has a decent chance of leading to a job.

It is crap, no matter your age though.

I tend to agree with the op; I'm no less of a culprit though.
At my dds age (8), I walked to a school and back in any weather a mile each way, packed my own lunch, chose my own clothes every morning (no uniforms in those days!) and generally got on with it. By 10 I was making my own doctors appointments and shopping for groceries. By 12 I was competenetly controlling my own bank account and travelling across the city an hour each way for school. I was responsible for making my own lunches and often dinner, my own laundry, my own bedding. We were 5 children and our parents were very busy. We made our own meals and ran the house.
my dds can barely cross the road without me

Oh I am with you there Mrs D, about "interning". It's all bollocks. I do think there is more nepotism about now, too, and it's expected that people will help their teenage kids get a foot in the door (if they are in that position)and parents are more involved in all that stuff.
Sucks if the young person doesn;t have those connections..

thats quite hard at 12. what decade was this if you don't mind me asking.

Internships are very unfair, only those with rich parents can do them.

she was 23 and did not really understand that she needed to work to get paid and it was not pocket money.

It took me until after roughly 6 months in work at 18 to realise that people were paying me for my time rather than giving me pocket money.

Even after that I have to admit that at 23 and well after that I still rarely turned up on time.

Sometimes when I did I was still a bit pissed from the night before.

I think the difference between 19 and 23 is that I didn't go to university and she did.

Oh My God. How awful.

I imagine that wherever your 23-year-old is, she's holding down a job.

I would hope so YouTheCat but if my in-laws are anything to go by the parents will actively encourage their offspring to remain reliant.

My Mum has two fantastic examples of adults being parented.
The first is a 23 year old girl she works with. They work on a checkout in a garage, the girl has a headache and phones her Mum. The Mum drives to the shop, buys a pack of paracetamols and a bottle of water FROM her Daughter, gives her 2 paracetamols and opens the bottle of water for her!

The second is her hairdressers step daughters. The hairdresser is telling Mum how their Mother is remarrying and wants to move to a city miles away and the girls are so upset and don't know what they will do. Mum was feeling sorry for them until she asked their ages, they are 30 and 27!

Limited well I wasn't like that at work at all. But maybe you are much younger than me. I would have been sacked if I had behaved like that

jellybabiesanyone- 90's

I was never like that at work either. And that 'pocket money' was for my rent and food, once I'd left home.

Notso, that just beggars belief!

Now I am just off to make dd a coffee. (I am making one for me and dp too though and she will probably bring me and dp one up in the morning).

I was super independent, but mostly because my parents weren't very interested.

With my boys they are definitely more coddled. I know that ndependece is important but am doing it at their own pace not mine. DS1 still gets driven to school despite being in year 8, he isn't ready. But I encourage him with small encouragements so he is now mostly walking hme (about 30 minutes). His little brother is already independent, organised and no doubt will be walking to secondary next year.

I'm in my late 40s grennie

People who can do my job don't get sacked.

We're not surgeons or pilots.

Are you?

gosh sheradaze I imagined it being the 60s.

I think yabu

The friends/aquaintences who had very involved/mollycoddling parents seem to have very very nice grown up lives and are still very close to their parents even now. The overinvolvment seemed to have sheltered these dc from a lot of mistakes/poor choices.

I think that children who have very involved parents are very blessed :)

sheradaze I'd class that as bordering on neglect

I would just like to say that I'm 18 and nothing like this. I'm married, run my own household, due any day with my first DC and had my first (full-time) job at 16, never mind the 6 years of volunteering experience I have behind me. I am completely independent. We're not all completely hopeless.

Yes we are!!

I was pretty tough with my dd growing up. There was only me and her then but she is very respectf

Ahh trapped nerve in back!!!!!

She is very respectful and I made her get a Saturday job to understand how long you have to work to earn money. She is 18 now and extremely independent .

A relation of mine carries her 5 year son in to her bed every morning for breakfast in bed - then brushes his teeth and dresses him while he watches tv!!!!! What a husband he is going to be!

I live in Germany and it is completely normal to see 5 and 6 year olds take themselves off to Kindergarten (preschool/nursery) and school, walking in the dark and crossing roads.

There is a big emphasis on independence here, parents don't generally give their children lifts and rides to activities, the kids are usually expected to ride their bikes or take public transport. However, at the other end it can take them a long time to get through university because the system is somewhat different here and they can end up being at home while they study for years.

Our kids are embarrassed because their dad will not let them walk around the neighborhood day or night alone. They are 13, 10 and 7. He is a paranoid American.

YANBU and this is something I feel strongly about. I was walking 2 miles home from primary school home alone from aged 8. I would get the bus around London on my own at 12. But this generation are denied that independence. I rarely see young children out on their own and when I see them I instinctively look for their parent.

It's a sad state of affairs but I have to confess I wouldn't let 8 year old DD walk alone to the shop where we live or anywhere out of my sight.

But on the other hand I want DD to grown up to be independent. I see young people at work who at the age of 24 still live at home and have never used a washing machine or cooked a meal, or who look aghast at the idea that I left home at 18, or just act as though they are in their teens. I find it odd to think I was only a few years older than them when I became a parent. My boss has 2 children in their 20's living at home. She actually organised and paid for her sons travel insurance recently. I couldn't fathom it. She pays for both 'children's' cars and treats them like teens.

I don't know what the answer is other than to instill as much independence as possible within the home. Responsibilities for house work tasks etc. But the fact is the environment is now different. Children don't roam around learning street skills in the way they did so how do you teach that. My children are young so I just don't know.

I think that the whole thing about kids walking places and crossing roads alone at a young age is a bit of a red herring tbh. I did it, very young, but there were about half as many cars on the roads then. Also, and this is no small thing, cars were much lower. It's true-so many people have these massive tall mini van type cars now. I have got ds to stand behind one of them (unoccupied) and shown him that the people driving them can't see him out of the windows, and that he has to remember that. In the 80's, when I was his age cars were just smaller, and children could be seen. Also, in our neighbourhood, not everyone had a car. We used to sit and play games on the curbs. You couldn't do that now as streets are so heavily parked, and it is much less safe. I don't worry about stranger danger, I worry about the twats pounding down my street in their giant vehicles designed to keep their kids nice and safe, but flatten mine without even noticing.
It's a different world now.
Although, when we lived on an estate all the kids played out -poor area, not so many cars.

I left home with no life skills whatsoever, as my mum did everything for me and siblings. All very nice at the time - but what a shock when I left home and found I couldnt meal plan, much less cook. I also found keeping the house tidy a real battlefield - Id never had to think about it before, my mum did all the housework. I had to learn the hard way. My DDs are aged 19 and 18 and I taught them to cook, and do household chores, from a young age. Im so glad, as eldest is away at Uni now and has no problems whatsoever with cooking and looking after herself; she's actually teaching 2 of her housemates to cook at the moment. Youngest is still at home..I work Sundays and come home to a Sunday dinner cooked by her. She does her allocated chores in the week, no complaints at all. I agree with hillyhilly that parents who do everything for their children are failing them. Not equipping your child with basic and necessary lifeskills is so wrong.

limited: So the other life lesson I learned was that squeaky wheels get the most attention.
Yes they might get immediate attention but they are Ann utter PITA and irritate everyone.

an

I indulge 11 yr old DS way too much in terms of running after him with HW, PE kits and bits of paper.

Now I started working again, so I simply can't!

Just in time for both DS and myself.

He hates being in trouble, and he is my PFB. I admit it...

I am too soft! In my mind he is still a little boy.