To feel that my hair colour should be my choice?

[Nyssalina]

I'm 31 and unfortunately going rather noticeably grey. It started when I was 25ish and I began dying it the same colour as my natural hair, occasionally with some highlights.

For various reasons it's been about 5 months since my last 'do', and unfortunately my roots are significant, 2-3inches, and the grey is obvious! But having not seen my own hair in years, and being as it costs upward of £60 for a salon cut & colour, I'd rather like to let it be. My only concern is that I'll look weird whilst it's growing out, and I'm also worried I'll look old, so I thought I'd ask DH's opinion, essentially to get reassurance that I was fine to leave it be.

But when I asked DH (who is also going as grey as I am at 30), in short he said that he thought as I was only 31 I should dye it as I'm a bit young to be going grey. I said that I didn't really care what the general public thought, but that I minded what he thought, and he said he thought it looked nice when I dyed it. But, said I, being as I don't really want to dye it, and it costs as much as it does, then why should I have to pay for it? And he said that he thought I took money for hair out of the joint account, and if I didn't, I should, he didn't mind.

I asked how he'd feel if I said I didn't like his going grey and tactfully left some Just for Men out, and he said hadn't asked me what I thought of his...

Right. So when I get my hair dyed, I now don't have to pay for it from my personal pennies (it'll be a house 'expense'), and my DH has made it clear that he likes it dyed, so am I being unreasonable if I still don't want to, mainly on the principle that I should be able to do what I like with my own hair?

I'm v late 30s and am very grey. I dye. I have often thought about growing it out to see what it looks like, but I don't routinely wear make up/am generally a bit scruffy so personally I think it would make me look a bit rough. Also my eyebrows are still very dark so it might look a bit odd.

There should be cheaper alternatives to a £60 salon visit though. You could try home dye, although they never really cover my grey very well. I have a fab mobile hairdresser who is really cheap and does it really nicely. But I do need roots covering about every 4 weeks.

If you do decide to grow out your colour, you can get colour strippers, but I think that these can be quite harsh on your hair so you might want to go to a salon to get it done properly.

'The women on here judging you for daring to have grey hair says as it all really.'

'It's other women who hate it and ask me why I do not dye it.'

'It would be nice if women had the option of going about their business just having their normal hair without dye in it/normal faces without make up on etc without people sucking their teeth and tut tutting about how they're letting themselves go and they should make the effort etc.'

I started going grey in my mid-twenties, long black hair with a vivid Mallen streak. Didn't bother me, and I'm still happy not dyeing my hair now I'm in my mid-fifties. Good haircut, I'm still reasonably fit and active and I smile a lot.
It is indeed other women who struggle with my decision. Do I care?
Not at all.

And yes, in this house if you ask for an opinion, you get an honest one. So if you don't want to know the truth, you just don't ask.

I'm nearly 50 with (mainly) dark brown, just past the shoulder length hair.

I'm aiming for this

YABU, if you didn't want his opinion then you shouldn't have asked for it.

It is your hair & you should do as you wish with it, I don't have any grey as yet but I do colour mine just for something a bit fresher, it's a dull brown naturally If you want to leave it then go for it.

I've a Mallon streak too . I'm 39 & my hair is steadily greying. I go to the hairdressers every 5 weeks or so, but am stopping . Shop bought dyes dont work any more, and my hair is becoming more resistant to the colour at the hairdressers. I've my hair short. My mum is the same, she still colours (63) but regrets it, my aunt is 54 and has just grown all the dye out - she looks fab.

OP- if you didn't want to know what DH really thought you shouldn't have asked.

On the other hand the Judgement and criticsm of women in this thread is outrageous. And the worst of it is the insidious, "you can do this.... Providing you don't let any other aspect of yourself 'go' ". Which is the worst of it IMHO.

Women: Don't be happy.

OP-Yanbu to do what you want with your hair.

If your husband thinks that you are too young to be going grey-he'll be dying his then, won't he-or only if you do??

Shame he couldn't have been more tactful!

My husband couldn't give a shit about my hair & I couldn't about his-not sure if that's good or bad!!

I have hair similar to yours OP - dark with every 5th hair or so grey. It was like that at 32 (probably with slightly lower proportion of grey at that point) - I'm now 40. I've only dyed it once which was when I got married at 32 (ie, therefore I can remember that I did have grey hairs at that age!) I was persuaded to do that by my bridesmaids!

So I think its perfectly possible and reasonable to go round with your head held up high with "salt and pepper hair". And I wouldn't be expecting anyone to judge me AT ALL. (If they do I must just be missing out on friendships with shallow people!!)

Also... worse things than grey hairs can happen to your hair. Last year a lot of my hair fell out due to an illness; I had to have it cut short as it was too thin and straggly to be in a longer style. Which I hate, and its taking for ever to re-grow. I couldn't dye it now even if I wanted to as my scalp is still too sensitive due to the illness.

SO If you've got a nice head of thick salt and pepper hair, then that = glamorous in my book! (putting it up for a while might help with the roots?)

Yes you could get a semi-permanent and do it every few weeks. I remember Shaders & Toners! They only lasted 1-2 washes though.

There is a mum at our school who used to dye her long hair dark, but obviously decided a year or so ago that she'd go natural. Her hair now looks silver grey with dip dye black ends, but it's actually just the ends growing out.

She looks WAY cool and still young with grey hair, because she dresses like the young cool person she is. I have something of a girl crush on her can you tell. I would love to do what she has done but a) am not grey yet and b) am not trendy enough to pull it off.

Yabu. Grey hair on a young woman looks terribly ageing & unattractive. Likewise on a 31 yo man.

Why don't you care if you look old (when you're not) to other people? That sounds a bit arrogant. Why wouldn't you want to make an effort with your appearance?

Your 31, I'm sorry I think you should dye your hair, I'm siding with your husband, 31 is young, go grey gracefully when your 70. I have my hair done it doesn't cost £60, £38 max

There is nothing more ageing than fake dyed hair... MyMIL

All you lot doing it, convinced it looks natural -think again! it looks fake!

Especially when the sun shines through leaving a block of colour-yuck!

I'm actually quite angry that females are encouraged to dye away a very natural thing.

I agree that if none of us did it, it wouldn't look half so out of place.

Dark hair dye is bad for your health anyway.

I don't need to dye it yet, I asked DH what I should do wouldn't do dye anyway and he has told me to leave it alone :)

op your hair-YOUR choice.

Anyway, it might be a lovely colour and suit you better than No3 clairol!

'That sounds a bit arrogant. Why wouldn't you want to make an effort with your appearance?'

I suppose I can't be judgy about this as I feel the same way about people with shallow, flabby and uninteresting conversation. 'Why don't you make an effort to expand your thinking and be a more interesting person?'
So they look at me and see a person with grey hair, and I look at them and see a suet pudding instead of a curious and diverse mind.

I started going grey in my 20s. It is a right pain but ooh I think being grey young is ageing.

I am in my 40s now and can get away with semi perms so not too harsh.

I wouldn't want to go natural tbh.

I wish our household budget would run to regularly highlights for me (just spent a boring hour fiddling around with Loreal for less than ten quid). It's your choice but grey hair will make you look plain and older. My sister is in her early fifties and has allowed hers to go grey and while I respect her decision, she looks about 65. It shouldn't matter and it doesn't matter. There are more important things in life. But if you can afford to make your hair look nicer, why not?

Wow, this thread is a dark moment for feminism.

I was just coming on to say do whatever you like OP. Your DH may have given his preference but that's just it, a preference. I'm sure your marriage won't crumble because your hair is a different colour. FWIW I'm 24 and about 1/6th grey, could not give a shiny shit and neither could my DH.

"But if you can afford to make your hair look nicer, why not?"

How is dyed hair "nicer" than natural?

I am 35 and decided to not bother dying my grey anymore last year.

I got an inch or two of grey and tbh it made me look as though I had just given up on life.

I saw myself in a photo and then went & bought hair dye.

Dyeing it is not expensive, I home dye it every 8ish weeks, costs a fiver.

dyed hair is nicer because grey hair is ageing imo. I am fair skinned and my grey hair is around my fringe etc and I know it would look dreadful.

I have a young face and people think I am younger than my age. If i went grey i would probably look 10 years' older.

also I think my hair is less greasy and has more body with colour in and easier to style.

It's your hair so do what you want with it but don't sit there moaning when you've asked your husbands opinion and don't like his answer because it's not what you want

My sister is 44, and gone from grey to white. It looks stunning. A good hair cut and good skin and posture.

On the other hand, mine is just patchy and doesn't have the same effect. I had it expensively highlighted for years, then went on to home dye. This has not done my long, fine hair any favours, so am now growing it out, using semi-permanent.

If it is grey enough, I will go for long grey shiny curls (with a good cut from my hairdresser). There are lighteners to keep it bright and shiney and you can have highlights too. Endless fun.

Grey hair only looks old if the rest of you behaves old.

I think it is important to remember that just because you leave your hair natural , does not mean you "give up on it" a good hair style is vital.

Keep it well conditioned etc...

I agree with those sympathising with your husband - You asked his opinion, he gave it. He's not saying you HAVE to dye your hair, is he?

Life is short - Wear your hair however you like it. It's nobody else's business.

My mother always whines on about preferring me with 'more natural' dark brown hair (my hair is actually mousey naturally), but I feel like a plain jane with dark hair so I will stay blonde until I see fit, regardless of comments about me not suiting it. So there. Haha :)

of course it's your own hair, you can do what you want, but he answered you honestly. Would you have preferred him to lie?

And colour on roots does not need to cost £60, try a junior at a local salon or a decent home colourant, nowhere near £60.