That MIL hasn't kept my pregnancy secret?

[superlambanana]

I am 8wks pregnant. We have told parents, siblings and a few close friends. My work also knows as I've been really ill with morning sickness.

MIL is one of five close siblings, who we have yet to tell until I've had my scan and we know everything is okay. My grandparents don't know yet either (partly as my grandma can't keep a secret bless her). I was worried MIL wouldn't keep it from her siblings but DH told me she can be absolutely trustworthy and wouldn't if we asked them to promise not to.

Apparently DH's aunt asked MIL straight out and MIL didn't feel she could lie. I haven't made a big deal at all - haven't really said anything as ILs are generally nice and have been very helpful, but we do have massive differences of opinion on things sometimes which can make things difficult. However I am really upset about it, firstly because I think it was rude of the aunt to even ask (surely she'd realise that if we wanted to tell we would?!), I'm hurt that MIL broke her promise, I feel bad that DH's aunt knows and my lovely grandparents don't, and also I'm upset because it was our news and it has taken the shine off a bit.

It's our first, and I'm already stressing about things going wrong, which is why we decided not to tell in case I MC'd. DH has a big, close family and I now suspect that the others will find out and we won't have anyone left to tell.

AIBU? Is it just the pregnancy hormones? Or am I right to be upset about this?

Yanbu to be upset. My MIL does this too. It is upsetting, not only because you naturally want to keep things quiet until after scan, but also because you maybe wanted to share the news yourselves. Maybe get your DH to have a word with her to explain how you feel so she doesn't tell the world.
Good luck with your pregnancy.

If the aunt really did ask straight out I think YABU. A lot of people don't like to lie.

Aunt only asked because MIL had told her I've been ill for three weeks. Why she had to say that I've no idea because we rarely see them. I've deliberately not told people I'm ill if they haven't needed to know (including my GPs).

I am pregnant too but think YABU. It is a baby of the family so actually I think your MIL should get to tell her siblings- you get to tell everyone else.

Yes it is unfortunate the aunt asked outright but I don't think it's rude- she's family! You cant expect people to lie on your behalf.

I can understand you feeling bad about your grandparents but it is your choice not to tell them.

I think YANBU

If you rarely see them then why does it matter? Your MIL may have been trying to encourage her sister to ask which is a bit naughty but MIL is probably excited and desperate to tell people.

You told way too many people for it to remain a secret for long.

The more people you told the more likely it would get out.

Next time, tell no one, if there is a next time.

DM did this to me and I was really annoyed. I felt a total fool ringing people to tell them my news (1st DC) and they already knew. I was really worried as had had bleeding in early pregnancy so didn't want to tell anyone until knew all was okay after scan.

Agree with TEE. And if the aunt asked she might've worried about being unconvincing and having people gossip amongst themselves, coming to their own conclusions. Before you know it you'd have half the table at Christmas dinner peering in your glass and asking pointed questions over why you're not partaking in the non-pasteurised cheese selection. At least she can try and convince the sister not to tell anyone else!

You shouldnt have told her!

I think it's just the fact that she has broken her promise. It's a very personal thing - I actually only wanted to tell parents and not siblings, but MIL said that SIL would feel left out I think it should be up to us who we tell and when. I wish we hadn't told anyone now

Several of my best friends have MC'd and I've seen the effect it has had on them. I'm worried enough without having to tell DH's entire (huge) family if something goes wrong - I don't think I could stand the 'are you okay?' I know that sounds ungrateful, and I don't mean it to, I just didn't want the possibility of having to deal with it.

Plus my scan is just before Christmas and we wanted it to be a nice Christmas surprise!

You have told both sets of parents plus close friends. If it is a secret then tell no one until you are ready to share. In the nicest possible way you are being precious.

I agree with Tee I'm afraid. Did you really plan on individually calling each aunt and uncle too- I thought that was generally left to the GPs.

Mind you, by no 2 I hated telling people and outsourced all I could.

I kind of agree with Teeardis to be honest. DH and I told no one at all.

However MIL should have kept her mouth shut. Not her secret and all that. But now that she didn't, for the sake of your own sanity and family harmony, I would let her know it upset you, and then move on.

Considering you wanted to keep it quiet you told an awful lot of people about it.

I don't think it's that big a deal. Try not get stressed about it. It's done now.

I don't think it's unreasonable to expect our own parents to keep a secret that is very important to us!! Everybody else has!

We DEFINITELY won't be telling them next time. I will tell my mum and that will be it, because my mum wouldn't tell anyone something she promised not to, and never has.

Yabu.

You sound about 5 with 'you promised' whining.

Well it would have been ridiculous for the aunt to ask your mil and she say you're not pregnant, then a month later say that you are. They are adults.

If you really wanted this a secret don't tell anyone. Yabu.

Also (and this will not go down well), my sister and I are so close that when people tell me "don't tell anyone" I don't really count mentioning to her as "telling"..... Unless said person says "not even DTwin", then I actually listen. Most of the time. If MIL and her sis are very close I can easily see how she saw telling her as somehow "different". I can see why you're annoyed and if it were me I'd be apologising.

Since she didn't seek anyone out to tell them, but was directly asked, I think you are being a bit harsh. I'm 11 weeks pregnant and have only told my parents, one of my sisters and my best friend. But if anyone asked them outright I wouldn't expect them to lie.

I told two friends who are / have been pregnant, because I needed support and was stressing about little things, and the doctor was being supremely unhelpful and not giving me the first clue about booking appt / scan etc which my friends helped me with. Work needed to know because I've been off for three weeks. We told siblings because SIL lives with PIL and we thought it was unfair to expect them to keep it secret while living with her (we ignored the 'left out' comment!).

Am I just hopelessly naive because I'd never dream of telling anyone something like this if I'd promised not to?!

I didn't expect her to lie and say no, just something along the lines of 'I'm sure they'll say if that's the case' to give the hint to not ask any more would have done.

I must add that I haven't said anything at all to MIL about it beyond asking her to not tell anyone else. She doesn't even know I'm upset (hence the rant on here as I'm venting!).

Also, the aunt was worried that you had been ill for 3 weeks. If MIL had denied you were pregnant then they may have been worrying what was wrong with you. Perhaps MIL thought she was putting her mind at rest. Do you really think MIL should have lied to her sister and let her worry about some mystery 'illness'?

Are you a good liar then OP? Being askes directly is different from offering up the news. Just give her a strict warning not to slip up again and move on.