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Fucking fizzing after children's party.

999 replies

SugarHut · 17/11/2013 16:14

Ok...this will probably be quite ranty as I've literally just walked through the door. DS until this September was at a super naice private school, started age 3.5, now age 5.5. Impeccably behaved. Had his own birthday parties and the children were a delight to have, been to all of the other children's parties both with me present and without, never ever had a problem..with him, or any other child. The school then jacked up it's fees, and an astonishing amount of children left, resulting in DS being the only child in his year. I didn't see this as a suitable social environment, so took him out and put him in a pretty good local village primary. Since September, he's been involved in a number of fights...and he always gets the bad press, because other children have "started" on him for being the new boy, and DS is quite a strong little tike, and tends to "finish" things. Which I have drummed into him is not the correct behaviour, but (and not being snobby, just factual) some of these children at this school are just badly behaved fighty oiks who pick on/hit DS then go sobbing crocodile tears because they get a bigger punch back. DS and I have never encountered children like this before, and quite frankly, he's doing his best to just run off and tell and adult every time, but realistically, he's a 5yr old boy, and sometimes he inevitably will just windmill back.

So, I take him to his first party at from this new school. The mother is lovely, very welcoming. There are only about 8 other boys there. All other parents have left their DS there, apart from one, the mother of "Fred" who has stayed. My parents live about 45 seconds from the party venue, so I leave DS and my number, saying that if there's any problems (as he's not socialised out of school with any of them yet), I'm literally right there. I pick him up 2 hours later. He's crying, someone has punched him and he's fallen off the bouncy castle. I'm quite no nonsense, had a quick look at him, he was fine, told him "chin up" and he stopped his fuss, he was more just tired. The mother of the party boy said thank you for coming that he had been fine, DS and the party boy shook hands which was super sweet, DS went round saying bye to everyone. As I leave "Fred's" mother comes up to me. "Just so you know, he's been terribly behaved." Then stands there waiting for my reaction. "Er, has he?" "Yes" Waits for more reaction. "Ok, sorry about that?" "He's been punching, kicking, we've had to pull him off loads of children." "Oh my god!!! Really??" "Yes." Stands there again. "Um, I'll speak to him when we get home" She then pulls a face at me like she's the Queen. I left. On quizzing DS, as per usual, they had been playing rough and tumble type games, and generally "battling" and "Fred" had hit DS a number of times, DS had then put him in his place so to speak, and Fred's mother had hauled my DS off, sat him down and told him he wasn't allowed back on the bouncy castle until she said. I then discover it was Fred that punched DS in the head causing him to fall off the bouncy castle. DS doesn't lie...he is honest to a fault. He openly admits that he punched back. "But they kept battling me Mummy!!" He said that Freds' mother was basically just on his case the entire time, telling him he was a badly behaved little boy, and lots of "you never EVER do that again" and Fred didn't get told off at all.

I'm fuming. I know I should have stayed, but I didn't want to look all precious. I know I need to calm down. Do I speak to the party boy's mother on Monday and ask how DS actually was, or just go straight to this woman and tell her that she "never EVER" speaks to my fucking DS like that again. Or do I leave it. Sorry for this being so long. Didn't want to drip feed.

OP posts:
JackShit · 17/11/2013 18:25

Irrelevant.

HettiePetal · 17/11/2013 18:26

She thinks state educated children are lower class

Does she? Did you pick that up psychically, because she certainly didn't say that.

She was talking about one particular group - you'll note her use of the word "some".

And oik doesn't just mean "lower class" - it can also mean ignorant or uncouth.

BoosterBondageSapphire · 17/11/2013 18:27

Oh darling you should have kept him in private education. Hmm

Oiks indeed.

My Ds has been privately educated since per-nursery and has managed to socalise at least one a week with state educated "oiks" without incident. That's because he doesn't think he is better than anyone else or "likes to finish things" he's just a nice kid so other kids like him.

Your DS is the problem and you sound like a snob.

JinglingRexManningDay · 17/11/2013 18:28

OP you said your ds is a wind up merchant and not in a nice way (mean way?) So do you know that these boys haven't been the victim of his wind ups?

diagnosticnomansland · 17/11/2013 18:30

Oh good God...

And even if he is a wind-up merchant, how is it ok to physically attack someone?

There's a lot of double standards going on on this thread.

Canthisonebeused · 17/11/2013 18:31

Your language makes you sound like a snob. However I see where your coming from. Don't respond to people like Fred's mum one bit as they get their am from polite or awkward apologies, don't giver her it. If you want reply just say well as there are always two side to a story I'll find out ds's at home thanks.

My nephew had similar issues to your ds, he will react, other kids know the buttons and away they go. Patents talk, never see wrong in their own little Fred's. I think sadly ds has had a rough time settling in.

Any problems at school if I were you just communicate with school. Outside school just ignore ignore ignore and carry on as you are doing to help ds mature and correct his responses.

SugarHut · 17/11/2013 18:32

I think I have to accept Fred's mother, is, well just a bit of a twat. And leave it there. If she says anything else, I know I won't be able to help myself and she will get a full on verbal annihilation. But not a peep unless she approaches me in that ridiculous way again.

I'm 50/50 as to whether to speak to party boy's mother. Will that actually achieve anything? Or should I, in case I do indeed owe her some kind of apology because even if it was retaliation, he did not behave well.

I have not decided the problem is other people's children. The problem is the way DS reacts as a direct result of certain children in this new environment. That's not really up for misinterpretation...it's just the bare facts of the matter. And he doesn't react all the time. But he does sometimes, and he really knows he shouldn't at all. And yes, he does admit EVERY time when he's done wrong. His teacher said she'd never quite met a child quite like it. I find it quite normal because all the children at his old school were the same. "Did you break that?" Yes, sorry." "Did you poke her first?" "Yes, sorry." "Did you say that naughty word?" "Yes, sorry." They were all like that, DS was the rule, not the exception.

OP posts:
diagnosticnomansland · 17/11/2013 18:34

And seriously, booster....nice kids never get picked on/taunted/hit....no?

The generalisations going on here...

There is a 5 year old boy who, for whatever reason, is having a bad time at school and it needs sorting. Isn't that the most important thing here?

usualsuspect · 17/11/2013 18:35

What, not one child tried to wriggle out of admitting they had done wrong?

Nah,not having that.

usualsuspect · 17/11/2013 18:35

Private education doesn't turn 5 year old children into saints.

HairyGrotter · 17/11/2013 18:37

Dudley Dursley thing going on in my head, right now

SugarHut · 17/11/2013 18:38

Ah, and here is Usual, arguing with everything I write, on every one of my threads. Getting a little bit old.

OP posts:
IamInvisible · 17/11/2013 18:39

My oiks state educated boys have been to 4 and 6 schools respectively, due to being Forces children but in all that time have never, ever hit or got in an fight with another child.

I do think you should calm down and make an appointment with the school to find out exactly what is going on.

Am I the only one wondering why the children are in the playground at the end of the school day when the OP does pick up? Doesn't the teacher usually hand them out from the class room to the parent?

LEMisafucker · 17/11/2013 18:39

"I think I have to accept Fred's mother, is, well just a bit of a twat. And leave it there. If she says anything else, I know I won't be able to help myself and she will get a full on verbal annihilation" Wow!

Seriously lady, if you react that way you are going to be pretty much shunned in the playground, sadly, so will your DS.

I am assuming you have quite a good job as you could afford school fees, don't you have to practise self control at work?

SugarHut · 17/11/2013 18:41

They are in the playground, with a teacher at each exit, and each child is only allowed to exit if they are with their designated adult. Never from the classroom. Was the same at his old school.

OP posts:
Canthisonebeused · 17/11/2013 18:41

I would ask party mum it may be that she did not feel what happened was worthy of any special mention to you. But by asking her maybe it will give you a good perspective of how ds behaved and maybe help build at least one allie in the school.

usualsuspect · 17/11/2013 18:41

I've only ever seen one of your threads before.

diagnosticnomansland · 17/11/2013 18:42

Invisible...I have to say at our school it's pretty much a playground-free-for-all at the end of the day...

IamInvisible · 17/11/2013 18:44

I've never know that diagnostic.

Floggingmolly · 17/11/2013 18:45

How are your other children adapting to state school, op?

SugarHut · 17/11/2013 18:45

Canthis... I might just do exactly that, although how do I say it without it sounding like I'm having a go at her, like I'm blaming her for not calling me.

As you can see I have the tact and diplomacy of Perez Hilton.

OP posts:
diagnosticnomansland · 17/11/2013 18:46

Sounds nice! We're at a primary and yes, the teachers bring out the kids, but a lot of them end up running around the playground until parent/guardian claims them...2 teachers on the gate making sure no child leaves playground without a suitable adult....

LEMisafucker · 17/11/2013 18:47

You would have got a far more sympathetic hearing on your thread if you had left out your first paragraph.

I know its difficult but you need to look at WHY your DS is having problems, seriously - you are not helping him one little bit with this, "he doesn't put a step wrong" attitude. Whatever they taught him at that other school, they clearly didn't teach him social skills and sadly, as a result of this he is struggling to fit in with his new peers. You need to address this NOW! I can tell you, my mum thought we were oh so much better than everyone else and i was bullied thorughout my school life because looking back, i was a stuck up little madam. I can see it in one of DDs school friends, competitive mummy, little girl thinks the world revolves around her, ironically it does - like a centrifuge, and we all knows what happens on one of those!

diagnosticnomansland · 17/11/2013 18:48

Sugar...you approach her and say that you'd been told that DS had been less than great at the party and you are so sorry, should have stayed...etc etc etc..and to please tell you what went on so you can address the issue and solve the problem...and then apologise some more if she offers information for you....

LEMisafucker · 17/11/2013 18:48

Who is Perez Hilton? Hmm having no tact is not sometihng to be proud of actually