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Fucking fizzing after children's party.

999 replies

SugarHut · 17/11/2013 16:14

Ok...this will probably be quite ranty as I've literally just walked through the door. DS until this September was at a super naice private school, started age 3.5, now age 5.5. Impeccably behaved. Had his own birthday parties and the children were a delight to have, been to all of the other children's parties both with me present and without, never ever had a problem..with him, or any other child. The school then jacked up it's fees, and an astonishing amount of children left, resulting in DS being the only child in his year. I didn't see this as a suitable social environment, so took him out and put him in a pretty good local village primary. Since September, he's been involved in a number of fights...and he always gets the bad press, because other children have "started" on him for being the new boy, and DS is quite a strong little tike, and tends to "finish" things. Which I have drummed into him is not the correct behaviour, but (and not being snobby, just factual) some of these children at this school are just badly behaved fighty oiks who pick on/hit DS then go sobbing crocodile tears because they get a bigger punch back. DS and I have never encountered children like this before, and quite frankly, he's doing his best to just run off and tell and adult every time, but realistically, he's a 5yr old boy, and sometimes he inevitably will just windmill back.

So, I take him to his first party at from this new school. The mother is lovely, very welcoming. There are only about 8 other boys there. All other parents have left their DS there, apart from one, the mother of "Fred" who has stayed. My parents live about 45 seconds from the party venue, so I leave DS and my number, saying that if there's any problems (as he's not socialised out of school with any of them yet), I'm literally right there. I pick him up 2 hours later. He's crying, someone has punched him and he's fallen off the bouncy castle. I'm quite no nonsense, had a quick look at him, he was fine, told him "chin up" and he stopped his fuss, he was more just tired. The mother of the party boy said thank you for coming that he had been fine, DS and the party boy shook hands which was super sweet, DS went round saying bye to everyone. As I leave "Fred's" mother comes up to me. "Just so you know, he's been terribly behaved." Then stands there waiting for my reaction. "Er, has he?" "Yes" Waits for more reaction. "Ok, sorry about that?" "He's been punching, kicking, we've had to pull him off loads of children." "Oh my god!!! Really??" "Yes." Stands there again. "Um, I'll speak to him when we get home" She then pulls a face at me like she's the Queen. I left. On quizzing DS, as per usual, they had been playing rough and tumble type games, and generally "battling" and "Fred" had hit DS a number of times, DS had then put him in his place so to speak, and Fred's mother had hauled my DS off, sat him down and told him he wasn't allowed back on the bouncy castle until she said. I then discover it was Fred that punched DS in the head causing him to fall off the bouncy castle. DS doesn't lie...he is honest to a fault. He openly admits that he punched back. "But they kept battling me Mummy!!" He said that Freds' mother was basically just on his case the entire time, telling him he was a badly behaved little boy, and lots of "you never EVER do that again" and Fred didn't get told off at all.

I'm fuming. I know I should have stayed, but I didn't want to look all precious. I know I need to calm down. Do I speak to the party boy's mother on Monday and ask how DS actually was, or just go straight to this woman and tell her that she "never EVER" speaks to my fucking DS like that again. Or do I leave it. Sorry for this being so long. Didn't want to drip feed.

OP posts:
Buddhagirl · 21/11/2013 21:02

What a thread. I wanna pms

kotinka · 21/11/2013 21:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Heartbrokenmum73 · 21/11/2013 21:03

I do not want pms!

IorekByrnisonsArmour · 21/11/2013 21:11

Can't PM on my phone

PM please, I wanna know Confused

MarmiteNotVegemite · 21/11/2013 21:15

And what about all the advocating of revenge against Fred's Mum earlier

Yes that too was appalling. Although I did think those posters were joking. But not everyone can recognize humor on a messageboard on the internet.

I think it's possible to understand the difficult situation in which the OP has found herself, without "sucking up" to her. I'm not the one asking for a PM to tell me her identity. I'm really not interested in who the OP is IRL. She had a really difficult issue, and sought advice and responses.

She was very accepting of advice, and veryopen about the circumstances of her life which may have an effect on the way people treat her and deal with her I didn't see boasting from her; I saw matter-of-fact statement of the circumstances which may have had an effect on the way Fred's mum treated her & her son. FFS have you had other people's husband's googling you?

Posters might have a little empathy, even if sympathy is too much to ask.

sj257 · 21/11/2013 21:21

well I've just read all 38 pages...that's 40 mins of my life I'm never getting back....
still none the bloody wiser! ;)

suebfg · 21/11/2013 21:24

I feel sorry for Fred's Dad actually. Poor guy was probably just googling because he didn't have a clue who she was ....

usualsuspect · 21/11/2013 21:27

He should have just come on MN and asked for a PM.

Which I still haven't got.Sad

ShylaMcCall · 21/11/2013 21:28

usual Grin

tombakerscarf · 21/11/2013 21:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mirpuppet · 21/11/2013 21:40

If there is a PM please send me one.

I am so Confused

perfectstorm · 21/11/2013 21:40

And what about all the advocating of revenge against Fred's Mum earlier? And calling her a fucking cunt? By a bunch of posters who were solely interested in sucking up to the OP because she reckons she's a bit famous? Can you please justify that playground behaviour?

Okay, given you're talking playgrounds yourself: would you rather your child:

A) Supports another child complaining about an unknown third party's supposed transgressions by jokily suggesting fantasy forms of revenge s/he might employ to get his or her own back?

B) Attacks that child in person in every way they possibly could, in an effort to distress, belittle and undermine, as part of a group in a concerted attack that lasts several days?

Tell me, which would you regard as the truly unacceptable and unkind behaviour? And if it were your child thus targeted, which reaction would make you angry on their behalf?

For the record, I've done neither, though snarking at an unnamed, unknown figure mentioned in an OP is 1) very common and 2) light years away from attacking someone on the fucking thread and here to see and read and be upset by it. If you can't see the distinction, then I would suggest you pause and think about it for oh, perhaps a milisecond. Hmm And do you accept "well they're just as bad!" and "look what they did to meeeee!" from your kids when they're vile, or do you point out that they're responsible for what exits their own mouths, and not someone else's? If you can't defend your own posting other than by pretending that there's a moral equivalence in jokey suggestions of revenge against a figure in an OP's situation on the one hand, and naked bullying from posters here towards an OP on the other, then I would venture to suggest that you actually can't defend your posting at all. The proffered defence is a blatant fig leaf. So why not just back up, accept you got carried away, that not liking an OP is no justification for bullying, and step the hell off?

I couldn't give a flying fuck if the OP is Samantha Fox or Angelina Jolie. I don't want a PM telling me who she is because I care so little, I'm in a care deficit, and frankly I'd not recognise a WAG z-lister's name anyway (no offence, OP, I'm just not into that stuff). I don't give a shit if people want to think this is down to "sycophancy" because actually, the mere suggestion is faintly comical and I don't really give a crap what women posting as some have here think of me in any way. I care that adult women think this sort of thing is okay. It's not: it's shitty and horrible. It's got no possible justification. How can you post that way, then justify it by reference to your opinion of the OP's personality as displayed on MN? What about what your own personality looks like right now? Am I to assume that's all you are, and that you in turn are undeserving of any kindness, consideration, or even basic human empathy? That's nuts. Nobody deserves crap like that.

The miserable thing is that some of you posting I very much like in other contexts. What the hell are you thinking?! How can you justify doing this? Seriously, how can you offer warmth and kindness and thoughtful support to some people, then treat someone else whom you find aggravating as though she's Myra fucking Hindley?

I love Mumsnet. It's offered me amazing support when things have been tough. It's made me laugh more times than I can count. I've seen extraordinary acts of kindness and support and compassion from women here to very vulnerable people. Which makes things like this thread all the harder to stomach - does it matter, if you don't like someone? Do you really think anyone, ever, under any circumstances should be on the recieving end of this? Mumsnet is better than this - you posters are better than this.

Please, just stop.

suebfg · 21/11/2013 21:46

I think you're right perfectstorm.

usualsuspect · 21/11/2013 21:53

She posted blatant lies about me on this thread which were deleted.

She will get no support from me,ever.

suebfg · 21/11/2013 21:58

Maybe so but regardless of how much 'front' (excuse the pun) that people may display on here, we're all human beings and no one really knows what's going on under the surface. So perhaps best to just let things lie :)

perfectstorm · 21/11/2013 22:02

Then that's shitty too, usual, and I wouldn't support that behaviour for a second (hope you know enough of me to know that I wouldn't. If I'd seen it, I'd have said something and reported it, too). But it doesn't justify what's been doled out to her here by most, I'm sorry. You have every right to be incandescently pissed off, and others to say that's unacceptable behaviour on her part towards you. But what has happened to her here goes way, way beyond normal online self-modded censure.

LimitedEditionLady · 21/11/2013 22:26

I got pm from someone who has been banned due to this thread.Kinda gone a bit OTT.

usualsuspect · 21/11/2013 22:35

Really,who?

LimitedEditionLady · 21/11/2013 22:39

Doesnt matter really they arent here.Its a bit sad it has got to the point where people have been banned over this.

sosotiredagain123 · 21/11/2013 22:40

ooh who is she

ShylaMcCall · 21/11/2013 22:43

Banned or suspended? How could they send a PM?

lifeisajumprope · 21/11/2013 22:46

Ive seen sonera names on this thread that I previously respected...and I have completely lost respect for them because if their conduct on this thread. Hypocrisy has been given a new definition.

IamInvisible · 21/11/2013 22:47

OMG! Someone has been banned because of this thread!Shock.

I'd like a PM if there are any going.

HollaAtMeBaby · 21/11/2013 22:51

God, some people on this thread really need to get out more. Giggling, pisstaking, and asking for PMs to out someone who, regardless of what you think of her posts, has repeatedly said that MN has been amazing for her because it's the only place where she can be honest about her feelings and the struggles she's had as a parent. You make me sick. Am reporting the thread and I hope all of you pathetic schoolgirls get banned. This is not what MN should be about.

Golddigger · 21/11/2013 22:52

But mumsnet would only ban or suspend if the poster concerned received emails for other dodgy posts as well?