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AIBU?

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Fucking fizzing after children's party.

999 replies

SugarHut · 17/11/2013 16:14

Ok...this will probably be quite ranty as I've literally just walked through the door. DS until this September was at a super naice private school, started age 3.5, now age 5.5. Impeccably behaved. Had his own birthday parties and the children were a delight to have, been to all of the other children's parties both with me present and without, never ever had a problem..with him, or any other child. The school then jacked up it's fees, and an astonishing amount of children left, resulting in DS being the only child in his year. I didn't see this as a suitable social environment, so took him out and put him in a pretty good local village primary. Since September, he's been involved in a number of fights...and he always gets the bad press, because other children have "started" on him for being the new boy, and DS is quite a strong little tike, and tends to "finish" things. Which I have drummed into him is not the correct behaviour, but (and not being snobby, just factual) some of these children at this school are just badly behaved fighty oiks who pick on/hit DS then go sobbing crocodile tears because they get a bigger punch back. DS and I have never encountered children like this before, and quite frankly, he's doing his best to just run off and tell and adult every time, but realistically, he's a 5yr old boy, and sometimes he inevitably will just windmill back.

So, I take him to his first party at from this new school. The mother is lovely, very welcoming. There are only about 8 other boys there. All other parents have left their DS there, apart from one, the mother of "Fred" who has stayed. My parents live about 45 seconds from the party venue, so I leave DS and my number, saying that if there's any problems (as he's not socialised out of school with any of them yet), I'm literally right there. I pick him up 2 hours later. He's crying, someone has punched him and he's fallen off the bouncy castle. I'm quite no nonsense, had a quick look at him, he was fine, told him "chin up" and he stopped his fuss, he was more just tired. The mother of the party boy said thank you for coming that he had been fine, DS and the party boy shook hands which was super sweet, DS went round saying bye to everyone. As I leave "Fred's" mother comes up to me. "Just so you know, he's been terribly behaved." Then stands there waiting for my reaction. "Er, has he?" "Yes" Waits for more reaction. "Ok, sorry about that?" "He's been punching, kicking, we've had to pull him off loads of children." "Oh my god!!! Really??" "Yes." Stands there again. "Um, I'll speak to him when we get home" She then pulls a face at me like she's the Queen. I left. On quizzing DS, as per usual, they had been playing rough and tumble type games, and generally "battling" and "Fred" had hit DS a number of times, DS had then put him in his place so to speak, and Fred's mother had hauled my DS off, sat him down and told him he wasn't allowed back on the bouncy castle until she said. I then discover it was Fred that punched DS in the head causing him to fall off the bouncy castle. DS doesn't lie...he is honest to a fault. He openly admits that he punched back. "But they kept battling me Mummy!!" He said that Freds' mother was basically just on his case the entire time, telling him he was a badly behaved little boy, and lots of "you never EVER do that again" and Fred didn't get told off at all.

I'm fuming. I know I should have stayed, but I didn't want to look all precious. I know I need to calm down. Do I speak to the party boy's mother on Monday and ask how DS actually was, or just go straight to this woman and tell her that she "never EVER" speaks to my fucking DS like that again. Or do I leave it. Sorry for this being so long. Didn't want to drip feed.

OP posts:
Dogonabeanbag · 20/11/2013 14:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Beeyump · 20/11/2013 14:56

figrus yes, that's a wonderful idea.

suebfg · 20/11/2013 16:35

Trust you were joking figrus

figrus · 20/11/2013 17:07

I'm only half joking. Fred's mum, due to her own insecurities re her husband, has put op through days of needless worry and soul searching (and abuse from posters here). Pay back is a bitch.

On the other hand, Fred's mum has inadvertently done op a favour. She caused her indirectly to reach out and make potential friends with the other mums in the playground.

Fred's mum Achilles' tendon is probably her dh. If I was being a real bitch, I would advise op to pull a 'Wendy' on Fred's mum!. ;)

suebfg · 20/11/2013 17:14

Deliberately provoking trouble between a husband and wife is only going to end disastrously but hopefully OP wouldn't be so silly. no idea what pull a Wendy means - can you enlighten me?

tracypenisbeaker · 20/11/2013 17:43

to be fair, SugarHut didn't force the hubby to Google her, so it looks like there's already trouble between the husband and wife without her even needing to try

figrus · 20/11/2013 17:47

Subgroup, no I dint have time to enlighten you. JFGI.

usualsuspect · 20/11/2013 17:51

There's enough bitching going on at the school gates by the sounds of it.

Are you seriously suggesting the OP stirs up even more trouble?

friday16 · 20/11/2013 17:51

Fred's mum Achilles' tendon is probably her dh.

Now there's a marvellously mixed metaphor. Perhaps she should stretch after running?

Sparklymommy · 20/11/2013 18:02

Glad you spoke to some of the other mums sugar.

Wrt fredsmum: I would still advocate the kill her with kindness technique. It's not your fault she has insecurities where her dh is concerned. It's not your fault she appears to have a preconceived idea about you that may be very wrong. However you could make an effort to change that opinion of you by proving her wrong.

suebfg · 20/11/2013 18:26

Was referring to figrus 'advice'. Ps had already googled it but still no clearer. Never mind, probably not worth knowing anyway!

LovesBeingHereAgain · 20/11/2013 18:42

Blimey just caught up with tge thread, what tge chuff happened Confused

Op well done on approaching them, I need to do the same but it's hard when I work ft.

Dilidali · 20/11/2013 19:45

sugar, that's a brilliant explanation, burst into laughter out loud! Brilliant.

I am really pleased you took initiative and organised something. Fab. Now, just behave on your playdate Grin.

perfectstorm · 20/11/2013 20:19

A "Wendy" is a Mumsnet term for a woman who is introduced to a group by someone, then sets about becoming queen bee of that group by isolating the person who introduced her, and then engineering her exclusion. It was a thread on chat which has now gone poof (they do after 3 months) but it chimed a real chord with a lot of other women, and so the term passed into Mumsnet lingo. The fake name the OP of that thread gave the psycho in her relating of the story was "Wendy" and it stuck as a generic term.

Obviously suggesting the OP does that is a joke, as with the flirting with the husband, but it's an entertaining fantasy, all the same! Hard to feel too much sympathy with a woman who takes her marital angst out on a very small boy. To borrow an appropriate playground phrase, she needs to pick on someone her own size.

Valdeeves · 20/11/2013 20:25

Sugarhut, if someone's hubby is googling you I am guessing you are a bit of a babe - can you get onto Style and Beauty and drop some tips! Feeling pretty unglamorous today!

I kind of get what you are saying - good luck making friends and hope your DS settles x

oldclothcat · 20/11/2013 20:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

clam · 20/11/2013 20:56

Mr Fred was googling you? Grin Grin Grin Hilarious!

jeansthatfit · 20/11/2013 22:14

OP, I would seriously think about getting this thread deleted, and namechange if you post again. I'm sorry, but I've worked out who you are, and I'm not even that 'up' on the whole wife and girlfriend thing. People have been recognised on here before even without the celebrity thing - you are very unlikely to be the only mum from your child's school here, and it really really isn't going to help you or your child if they work out it's you.

lurkerspeaks · 20/11/2013 22:36

Ok. The thread has moved on a bit but I've been crystallising my thoughts.

I think a lot of people pre-judged you and your son before they met you. There is probably a bit of kudos involved in bollocking your child. BUT most parents/ responsible adults don't tell kids off for no reason.

There seems to be a lot of fighting going on. You don't actually know why it is starting - you have already said your son is mentally more agile. I know a little boy who very rarely gets invited to things anymore I've heard more than one Mum breathe a huge sigh of relief that whole class parties are over (they are now 7) so he doesn't have to be invited. He is very bright and eccentric with a quirky sense of humour. I really enjoy spending 1:1 time with him but when he is with other children he is a nightmare. He provokes them verbally, they can't keep up, so they lash out at him physically and then it all ends in tears.

He is also hindered by having a mother who refuses to see his behaviour for what it is and constantly complains about other children bullying him (completely ignoring the fact he has been verbally taunting them usually for hours) and who when he behaves badly is the queen of the empty threat so he just blissfully carries on misbehaving as there are no consequences. Interestingly when he is being looked after by people who carry through on threats he does behave better….

I have also helped out at a few children's parties in my time (I have a LOT of ungodly children) and I would never dream of NOT disciplining a child who I saw misbehave if their parent wasn't there. Takes a village to raise a child and all that. I generally wouldn't mention it to the parents afterwards unless I felt that they kid was going to present some untruthful account or the behaviour was really terrible. Maybe Fredsmum felt this might be the case. Maybe she feels threatened by you?

Don't delude yourself that naice private school kids don't behave like this. The little boy I am talking about above goes to a very nice school as do his friends and it all still carries on.

I can appreciate why you don't want people in your house but really don't think this will be helping the perceptions of you. One of the school mums at another friends kids school is very much in the public eye and her refusal to have kids home on playdates is widely commented on in a negative manner. On the other hand the kid I talked about above has a classmate with famous parents and a very, very famous grandmother - they hosted his birthday party at home and just pitch up to stuff if they are around. It can be slightly disconcerting when discover who the person buying stuff at the next table at the Christmas fete is.

This is not meant to be a boast-a-thon but I appreciate it is sounding like one. I just think you should stop to think about the impression you are creating - presumably you already have friends but your son needs some!

arfishy · 20/11/2013 22:50

Your instinct was spot on. Well done on approaching the other mums and for getting to the bottom of the Fred's mum issue. I think it's appalling that she took her anger at her DH for googling you out on your son and you. Says more about her than you, that's for sure.

One mum I knew went absolutely psycho about the fact that I was planning to send DD to a private school. She has three girls and it was out of her reach - I am an expat and would have to pay for state or private, so went private. She was absolutely horrible to both of us about it, really ranty. I never exposed DD to her again, obviously.

BrianTheMole · 21/11/2013 00:23

Grin Thats funny. Well done sugarhut. A good outcome!

walterwhiteswife · 21/11/2013 08:20

wow im impressed why or how anybody would want to figure out who you are!! Here's me just thinking you were a mum with a child who needed advice! !!!! sad that people practically hero worship people just because they have been on tv!!! gone are the days were we looked up to someone in the public eye who had actually done something worthwhile in life!!!

deXavia · 21/11/2013 09:06

Good for you and for 'getting your head out of your own arse' but have to agree with Jeansthatfit . I know you've said you dont want to hide who you are on here and that's great but you and your DS need to focus on making friends and fitting in even if to start you fit in as "you know the celeb and the posh boy, they're ok once you get to know them" And this thread won't do you any favours if it starts doing the rounds at school.

As for Fred's mum let it go - don't keep digging, she's not worth it. Focus on you and DS

SugarHut · 21/11/2013 10:33

Lol at figrus :) yes, the child in me would love to do that...The reality is, if I do so much as to politely smile at another woman's husband, I usually get daggers shot at me...and if he smiles back you can see how much trouble he's going to be in! I can't even be friendly... I'm sort of damned if I do, damned if I don't :)

I am going to be very smiley to her though.

And just a final note to say that I am a little overwhelmed by the support and kindness that is being shown on private messages. And that it's disgusting that some have even apologised for sending a private message because they felt they would be bullied and ridiculed if they spoke their mind on this thread.

I hope one woman won't mind that I repeat something very important she said: " clearly you are used to nasty people, and I admire how you manage to ignore it, you must be so resilient, I wouldn't be able to cope with that"

And that's a fucking important point. Some people, just judgy nasty delights, might think it's terribly amusing to say such things about someone. Probably it's how they make themselves feel good. And think it's ok, because I get it all the time, so it's free reign to be as nasty as you like. The next time you choose to spit bile at someone, maybe it will be someone like her. Who might be reduced to tears. Who might be suffering from depression. Who might be crushed by such behaviour.

I hope that's food for thought. Shameful, utterly shameful.

OP posts:
Fecklessdizzy · 21/11/2013 10:52

Oh God, 35 pages, now my eyes hurt ...

Hurrah! All sorted though!

Closure ... Must work ... ( total procrastination icon ) Good luck with the charm offensive OP Grin

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