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AIBU?

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Fucking fizzing after children's party.

999 replies

SugarHut · 17/11/2013 16:14

Ok...this will probably be quite ranty as I've literally just walked through the door. DS until this September was at a super naice private school, started age 3.5, now age 5.5. Impeccably behaved. Had his own birthday parties and the children were a delight to have, been to all of the other children's parties both with me present and without, never ever had a problem..with him, or any other child. The school then jacked up it's fees, and an astonishing amount of children left, resulting in DS being the only child in his year. I didn't see this as a suitable social environment, so took him out and put him in a pretty good local village primary. Since September, he's been involved in a number of fights...and he always gets the bad press, because other children have "started" on him for being the new boy, and DS is quite a strong little tike, and tends to "finish" things. Which I have drummed into him is not the correct behaviour, but (and not being snobby, just factual) some of these children at this school are just badly behaved fighty oiks who pick on/hit DS then go sobbing crocodile tears because they get a bigger punch back. DS and I have never encountered children like this before, and quite frankly, he's doing his best to just run off and tell and adult every time, but realistically, he's a 5yr old boy, and sometimes he inevitably will just windmill back.

So, I take him to his first party at from this new school. The mother is lovely, very welcoming. There are only about 8 other boys there. All other parents have left their DS there, apart from one, the mother of "Fred" who has stayed. My parents live about 45 seconds from the party venue, so I leave DS and my number, saying that if there's any problems (as he's not socialised out of school with any of them yet), I'm literally right there. I pick him up 2 hours later. He's crying, someone has punched him and he's fallen off the bouncy castle. I'm quite no nonsense, had a quick look at him, he was fine, told him "chin up" and he stopped his fuss, he was more just tired. The mother of the party boy said thank you for coming that he had been fine, DS and the party boy shook hands which was super sweet, DS went round saying bye to everyone. As I leave "Fred's" mother comes up to me. "Just so you know, he's been terribly behaved." Then stands there waiting for my reaction. "Er, has he?" "Yes" Waits for more reaction. "Ok, sorry about that?" "He's been punching, kicking, we've had to pull him off loads of children." "Oh my god!!! Really??" "Yes." Stands there again. "Um, I'll speak to him when we get home" She then pulls a face at me like she's the Queen. I left. On quizzing DS, as per usual, they had been playing rough and tumble type games, and generally "battling" and "Fred" had hit DS a number of times, DS had then put him in his place so to speak, and Fred's mother had hauled my DS off, sat him down and told him he wasn't allowed back on the bouncy castle until she said. I then discover it was Fred that punched DS in the head causing him to fall off the bouncy castle. DS doesn't lie...he is honest to a fault. He openly admits that he punched back. "But they kept battling me Mummy!!" He said that Freds' mother was basically just on his case the entire time, telling him he was a badly behaved little boy, and lots of "you never EVER do that again" and Fred didn't get told off at all.

I'm fuming. I know I should have stayed, but I didn't want to look all precious. I know I need to calm down. Do I speak to the party boy's mother on Monday and ask how DS actually was, or just go straight to this woman and tell her that she "never EVER" speaks to my fucking DS like that again. Or do I leave it. Sorry for this being so long. Didn't want to drip feed.

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 19/11/2013 23:11

There is that,limited.

brandyandsummergloves · 19/11/2013 23:15

limited that had also occurred to me.

TheDoctrineOfWho · 19/11/2013 23:23

Maryz, you didn't miss anything that's good for the blood pressure....

Rhinosaurus · 20/11/2013 01:15

and I say again, fine years emotional neglect is not wiped out in two months, not without professional help.

OP Again - I suggest you spend some of your well publicised income on family therapy to address the attachment issues between you and your son.

perfectstorm · 20/11/2013 02:05

This is one of the nastiest threads I've ever read on Mumsnet. I don't give a shit if you don't like another poster: ganging up to jeer and belittle this way is downright horrible. You're mothers, for crying out loud, grown women - how would you react if you saw your kids subjected to this on Facebook? It's straightforward bullying, and it doesn't matter if you think the target is "annoying" or "weird" or "lying". The OP is under no obligation to take any advice and I don't give a crap whether she's invented a life story, is real with her life story, any of it. I don't care. It doesn't justify or excuse the behaviour on display here for one second. Don't like someone? Move on! It's not hard.

A lot of people on this thread should be ashamed of themselves.

SecretWitch · 20/11/2013 02:06

Clam, I like your name

Sparkletshirt · 20/11/2013 02:35

Have whizzed through the thread so may have missed a bit. Did OP speak to party Mum?

Sugar you sound very proud that ds can stick up for himself (by punching children that pick on him very hard, strength of an ox was it? great strength, something like that). And it is good he can fight back. But do you think that may be encouraging children to pick on him, because the child that can win against him/takes him on anyway will have kudos?

LimitedEditionLady · 20/11/2013 07:04

I think we have been through the ashamed bit already,that is what we were discussing.I do think in my honest mind that if you post like the op does and has repeatedly a wordly wise person will understand they will get a reaction.I guess best way to put it is that this aint disney land.

BornThisCrazy · 20/11/2013 08:33

Rhino speaks sense.

fromparistoberlin · 20/11/2013 08:50

perfectstorm

hear hear!!!!!

have a Wine

oldclothcat · 20/11/2013 09:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ubik1 · 20/11/2013 09:47

if a child's original attachment is compromised for any reason then the child will have difficulties, especially with transitions

Where do you get that from? Just interested as I studied attachment theory and far as I understood it, much of it is up for debate, much of it is overstated and psychologists say attachment disorders are actually very rare.

Golddigger · 20/11/2013 09:49

This poster does not fit the mumsnet "norm".
Hence some posters dont know what to do about her.

She doesnt fit the norm beacuse
There may be slight bragging about her wealth
She fights back, but not with a great heap of pas
She has an "alternative" background
She is not afraid to get things wrong in what she says
And yet she is not afraid to ask for help, even knowing she will get flak

That however does not mean she is a troll or goading. The hunting of which are probably both not allowed on mumsnet.

imo, I think posters need to realise that there is a whole big world out there. And some of it is coming in here.
And posters need to learn how to cope with that.

ScarletWomanoftheVillage · 20/11/2013 09:50

My post was deleted, that's a first for me. I was speaking up against the unkindness on this thread.

Agree with Perfectstorm totally

AmberLeaf · 20/11/2013 10:59

Good post Golddigger.

suebfg · 20/11/2013 11:08

Slight bragging ? Has OP mentioned yet that she is a model, beautiful, only dates rich men and everyone is jealous of her as she has it all? That tends to crop up.

Floggingmolly · 20/11/2013 11:26

A model, WAG, stripper, and... a chartered accountant. Mmm...

Golddigger · 20/11/2013 11:28

sue and Flogging. Did she say that on here, or have others taken that from her other threads?

suebfg · 20/11/2013 11:32

Certainly has cropped up before on numerous occasions ... Haven't read all the posts on this thread as came to it late.

AmberLeaf · 20/11/2013 11:39

If she mentioned that she worked in sainsburys would that be bragging?

Is it only 'glamourous' jobs that aren't to be mentioned in case people think you are bragging?

It would seem that some things shouldn't be mentioned because people will judge you, whos issue is that?

This site is full of people who mention what they do and what qualifications they have, even when it isn't particularly relevant to the discussion. Most of them are not accused of bragging, although other than to give an idea of what sort of person they are and how they should be 'ranked' why do they do it?

I haven't posted much on this thread, but I have read several of the OPs other threads/posts. I do actually think that some of this is because of what she does for a job, as in the attitudes of some of the mothers towards her.

I get the impression that she lives in a fairly small place, the sort where people take an 'interest' in what others do and gossip.

The OP is not perfect [who is] and does have a somewhat brusque manner, but from this and other threads where she was dealing with difficult subject matter, while defensive, she is taking on board what people have said.

SkullyAndBones · 20/11/2013 11:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AmberLeaf · 20/11/2013 11:43

A model, WAG, stripper, and... a chartered accountant. Mmm

Why the Mmm?

From the OPs posts it is evident that she is intelligent, is a stripper, in your opinion, not intelligent enough to be an accountant?

Were you expecting txt spk and hun xxx

suebfg · 20/11/2013 11:54

I think you just picked up on one aspect there Amberleaf. Of course simply mentioning your career in a thread does not itself constitute bragging but taken with the other examples (of which I mentioned a few), it certainly comes across that way.

AmberLeaf · 20/11/2013 12:03

Again, people talk on here about all sorts of fabulous things that they and their families do.

Most would not be deemed bragging.

The fact that many find the things the OP talked about 'tacky' is not lost on me and there lies the difference IMO.

I expect that she is judged in real life, I do get the impression that she doesn't give a fuck though [good for her] and that probably gets backs up even more.

lifeisajumprope · 20/11/2013 12:10

AMber - there are hints right through this thread that she is continually judged - the most telling to me was the fact that a poster was accused of sucking up to her and Sugar then mentioned that IRL her friends are judged as being hangers-on and that she feels that many think that people she does regard as friends actually have ulterior motives for being her friend. To me, that kind of constant judgement would take a particularly strong character to continually brush off, to continually have to say to yourself "No, I have human attributes that people do genuinely like about me, I'm not just a meal ticket to people." Perhaps that is why Sugar can take some mis-steps when it comes to engaging with others here - because yes, she can most certainly be brusque and offensive to the point that it even riles the most forgiving and mild mannered people - that and the fact that she moves in circles where judgement on the most shallow of attributes is rife - you have to be tough to weather that all the time I'm sure.