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Fucking fizzing after children's party.

999 replies

SugarHut · 17/11/2013 16:14

Ok...this will probably be quite ranty as I've literally just walked through the door. DS until this September was at a super naice private school, started age 3.5, now age 5.5. Impeccably behaved. Had his own birthday parties and the children were a delight to have, been to all of the other children's parties both with me present and without, never ever had a problem..with him, or any other child. The school then jacked up it's fees, and an astonishing amount of children left, resulting in DS being the only child in his year. I didn't see this as a suitable social environment, so took him out and put him in a pretty good local village primary. Since September, he's been involved in a number of fights...and he always gets the bad press, because other children have "started" on him for being the new boy, and DS is quite a strong little tike, and tends to "finish" things. Which I have drummed into him is not the correct behaviour, but (and not being snobby, just factual) some of these children at this school are just badly behaved fighty oiks who pick on/hit DS then go sobbing crocodile tears because they get a bigger punch back. DS and I have never encountered children like this before, and quite frankly, he's doing his best to just run off and tell and adult every time, but realistically, he's a 5yr old boy, and sometimes he inevitably will just windmill back.

So, I take him to his first party at from this new school. The mother is lovely, very welcoming. There are only about 8 other boys there. All other parents have left their DS there, apart from one, the mother of "Fred" who has stayed. My parents live about 45 seconds from the party venue, so I leave DS and my number, saying that if there's any problems (as he's not socialised out of school with any of them yet), I'm literally right there. I pick him up 2 hours later. He's crying, someone has punched him and he's fallen off the bouncy castle. I'm quite no nonsense, had a quick look at him, he was fine, told him "chin up" and he stopped his fuss, he was more just tired. The mother of the party boy said thank you for coming that he had been fine, DS and the party boy shook hands which was super sweet, DS went round saying bye to everyone. As I leave "Fred's" mother comes up to me. "Just so you know, he's been terribly behaved." Then stands there waiting for my reaction. "Er, has he?" "Yes" Waits for more reaction. "Ok, sorry about that?" "He's been punching, kicking, we've had to pull him off loads of children." "Oh my god!!! Really??" "Yes." Stands there again. "Um, I'll speak to him when we get home" She then pulls a face at me like she's the Queen. I left. On quizzing DS, as per usual, they had been playing rough and tumble type games, and generally "battling" and "Fred" had hit DS a number of times, DS had then put him in his place so to speak, and Fred's mother had hauled my DS off, sat him down and told him he wasn't allowed back on the bouncy castle until she said. I then discover it was Fred that punched DS in the head causing him to fall off the bouncy castle. DS doesn't lie...he is honest to a fault. He openly admits that he punched back. "But they kept battling me Mummy!!" He said that Freds' mother was basically just on his case the entire time, telling him he was a badly behaved little boy, and lots of "you never EVER do that again" and Fred didn't get told off at all.

I'm fuming. I know I should have stayed, but I didn't want to look all precious. I know I need to calm down. Do I speak to the party boy's mother on Monday and ask how DS actually was, or just go straight to this woman and tell her that she "never EVER" speaks to my fucking DS like that again. Or do I leave it. Sorry for this being so long. Didn't want to drip feed.

OP posts:
suebfg · 19/11/2013 21:26

Yes, there clearly have been issues but it is a bit below the belt to keep referring to that.

clam · 19/11/2013 21:35

I would agree, if the OP had not acknowledged it and said she doesn't have a problem with it.

LimitedEditionLady · 19/11/2013 21:36

No clam i havent read that,should i?or would it make me mad???I dont want to be mad,should i avoid?I have never searched anyones posts.
Ok fair enough,no i guess sugarhut may not be a saint but the reactions on here were kind of shocking that is all I was saying.I am sure everyone has a reason for their feelings.

suebfg · 19/11/2013 21:40

I think she needs some real life help tbh

LimitedEditionLady · 19/11/2013 21:40

Oh dear

YoureAllABunchOfBastards · 19/11/2013 21:42

Pity Me is a right shithole

clam · 19/11/2013 21:52

Limited, I'm not sure that it affects the basic issue here of a lad struggling with his peers at a new school, which needs sorting out. Who are we to say whether his home life and family dynamics have a bearing on his current problems?
But it does shed light on the strong feelings expressed on posts on here by people who have come across the OP before. She's clear she doesn't intend to name-change, as she stands by all she's said.

I didn't get mad, only sad.

usualsuspect · 19/11/2013 21:53

Is it? It looked quite nice on Google

RussianBlu · 19/11/2013 22:11

How exactly does one fizz?

UptheChimney · 19/11/2013 22:19

I don't think SugarHut's original post did much to help her cause really

Oh, I don't know -- I've found SugarHut's posts to be very open, accepting of criticism, and actually quite engaging. She's said "Yes" to a lot of quite tough comment & advice. I think she'd be a good friend. She seems to have had to put up with a lot of rubbish about people's pre-conceptions & assumptions about her.

clam · 19/11/2013 22:21

I certainly think she's more than capable of sticking up for herself.

BornThisCrazy · 19/11/2013 22:22

Just read the whole thread, and the OP's old thread which has been mentioned a few times on here. (Too much time on my hands clearly).

Those saying old thread is not relevant really do need to read it.. its not years old but fairly recent, and surely if the OP wanted to distance herself from it could easily have name-changed since. Its pretty disturbing to say the least, and I never get emotional reading posts in here but THAT had me fighting back tears. For the OP but mainly for her DS. Imagine never in the 5 years of your child's life sitting down and playing with your dc? Sad Material things are NOT important, and mountains of toys, or naice food, or luxurious holidays can in no way compensate for a parent's interaction, or love and affection. If my DS (4) is given the choice of 15 minutes on the ipad (games which he is obsessed with) or 15 minutes cuddling up to me and playing with his trains (which he does all time) he will choose the latter hands down. I really hope OP, you get the help you desperately need and can connect with your dc emotionally before its too late. I have two dsons and would not change a thing about them because I love them for who they are - tantrums and all - not my idea of how I want them to be. Your obsession for a DD is not healthy, and I hope you get to the root of the problem what may have caused this.

The intense love a mother feels for her child is like no other feeling in the world, and my heart breaks for you that you have never got to feel this with your ds Sad Compared to the all the nice feelings we have in the early days of falling in love, or the deep love we have for our parents etc, well times it by 100, and that may be it.

In your posts you mention several times about many other women being seemingly jealous of you, and bitchy towards you because of your job/looks/whatever. Seriously?? Perhaps a handful are, but I dont think you are giving them half a chance to get to know you or prove themselves to be friendship material. You are judging them in the same way they are supposedly judging you. I am sure you are a nice enough person but if you come across in real life as you do here, (self absorbed, defensive and a tad snobby), then sorry but I doubt the entire blame hardly lies with them and their envy.

UptheChimney · 19/11/2013 22:27

I wouldn't be too sure about that. Have you read her thread about "the boy?"

But would someone who wasn't passionate about her child's welfare admit such a taboo thing even in an anonymous internet forum?

There are mostly girl in three generations of my family -- I must admit when I had a boy I was a bit hmmmm about it. But, I'd never have admitted it at the time (he's in his 20s now so I've really gotten used to it, sand I love the bones of him, still!) you know, you eventually get over things. And the OP had the guts to ask & talk about it.

LimitedEditionLady · 19/11/2013 22:27

Ive read a bit of it but couldnt read anymore because I cannot relate to her feelings in it so I didnt want to continue to read about feelings that I cannot understand.I know of PND but I have never read someones feelings quite like that.I dont even know what to say to be honest.It makes me think a little differently.

clam · 19/11/2013 22:29

Bornthiscrazy bear in mind that many posts were deleted from that thread, not least from the OP herself, due to her being extremely rude and scathing about the perceived quality of advice given.

She hasn't done that on this thread, which is good.

LimitedEditionLady · 19/11/2013 22:29

Id like to say though,its pretty brave to admit that.I dont think I would admit to those feeling although as I say I cannot relate to it and I wouldnt pretend to understand.

LimitedEditionLady · 19/11/2013 22:31

Im kind of thinking of my ds know and feeling a little sad?I cant imagine not feeling the way I do about him.

clam · 19/11/2013 22:34

I just don't know, upthechimney. I've pondered that thread over and over since I read it yesterday - it's one of the most disturbing ones I've seen in a long time.
I was torn between awe (and a grudging admiration for her honesty), pity (for them both, but mainly for her poor, poor son) and disgust (for her shallow, materialistic values and for the damage she is knowingly inflicting on him)

Maryz · 19/11/2013 22:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

clam · 19/11/2013 22:36

And as well, I was conflicted between being charmed by her sometimes humorous and self-deprecating posting style, and appalled by her rudeness and dismissive manner towards people who were trying to help.

BornThisCrazy · 19/11/2013 23:00

I agree. It does take guts to bring up these feelings (or lack of). But to wait 5 years? I am not sure I could have played the loving mother charade for that long before realising something is seriously not right here and needed some serious help.

OP comes across a very strong character, lucky in life, intelligent, is well educated and has a lovely supportive family. Perhaps it is due to her strong character, and a factor of other things - such as always being in control of a situation but not in the case her feelings towards her ds, of denial; her opinion that she could never be in the wrong and unwillingness to admit this to herself, and possibly that she is so used to always getting her way and what she wants but it did not happen in this case of 'the boy' being a boy.. however I am happy she is receiving counselling though I do wish she had sought help sooner for her ds sake.

usualsuspect · 19/11/2013 23:03

She was vile to some posters on that thread.

It's no wonder posters were reluctant to give her advice on this one.

usualsuspect · 19/11/2013 23:03

She was vile to some posters on that thread.

It's no wonder posters were reluctant to give her advice on this one.

ninah · 19/11/2013 23:06

oiks? wtf?

limitedperiodonly · 19/11/2013 23:08

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