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AIBU?

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Fucking fizzing after children's party.

999 replies

SugarHut · 17/11/2013 16:14

Ok...this will probably be quite ranty as I've literally just walked through the door. DS until this September was at a super naice private school, started age 3.5, now age 5.5. Impeccably behaved. Had his own birthday parties and the children were a delight to have, been to all of the other children's parties both with me present and without, never ever had a problem..with him, or any other child. The school then jacked up it's fees, and an astonishing amount of children left, resulting in DS being the only child in his year. I didn't see this as a suitable social environment, so took him out and put him in a pretty good local village primary. Since September, he's been involved in a number of fights...and he always gets the bad press, because other children have "started" on him for being the new boy, and DS is quite a strong little tike, and tends to "finish" things. Which I have drummed into him is not the correct behaviour, but (and not being snobby, just factual) some of these children at this school are just badly behaved fighty oiks who pick on/hit DS then go sobbing crocodile tears because they get a bigger punch back. DS and I have never encountered children like this before, and quite frankly, he's doing his best to just run off and tell and adult every time, but realistically, he's a 5yr old boy, and sometimes he inevitably will just windmill back.

So, I take him to his first party at from this new school. The mother is lovely, very welcoming. There are only about 8 other boys there. All other parents have left their DS there, apart from one, the mother of "Fred" who has stayed. My parents live about 45 seconds from the party venue, so I leave DS and my number, saying that if there's any problems (as he's not socialised out of school with any of them yet), I'm literally right there. I pick him up 2 hours later. He's crying, someone has punched him and he's fallen off the bouncy castle. I'm quite no nonsense, had a quick look at him, he was fine, told him "chin up" and he stopped his fuss, he was more just tired. The mother of the party boy said thank you for coming that he had been fine, DS and the party boy shook hands which was super sweet, DS went round saying bye to everyone. As I leave "Fred's" mother comes up to me. "Just so you know, he's been terribly behaved." Then stands there waiting for my reaction. "Er, has he?" "Yes" Waits for more reaction. "Ok, sorry about that?" "He's been punching, kicking, we've had to pull him off loads of children." "Oh my god!!! Really??" "Yes." Stands there again. "Um, I'll speak to him when we get home" She then pulls a face at me like she's the Queen. I left. On quizzing DS, as per usual, they had been playing rough and tumble type games, and generally "battling" and "Fred" had hit DS a number of times, DS had then put him in his place so to speak, and Fred's mother had hauled my DS off, sat him down and told him he wasn't allowed back on the bouncy castle until she said. I then discover it was Fred that punched DS in the head causing him to fall off the bouncy castle. DS doesn't lie...he is honest to a fault. He openly admits that he punched back. "But they kept battling me Mummy!!" He said that Freds' mother was basically just on his case the entire time, telling him he was a badly behaved little boy, and lots of "you never EVER do that again" and Fred didn't get told off at all.

I'm fuming. I know I should have stayed, but I didn't want to look all precious. I know I need to calm down. Do I speak to the party boy's mother on Monday and ask how DS actually was, or just go straight to this woman and tell her that she "never EVER" speaks to my fucking DS like that again. Or do I leave it. Sorry for this being so long. Didn't want to drip feed.

OP posts:
Balaboosta · 19/11/2013 09:41

diagnostic you can get all preachy but this OP has ignored good advice, used offensive language and repeatedly made everything about her and very little about her poor boy. Hardly mumsnet at its worst.

fromparistoberlin · 19/11/2013 09:52

Ooooooh that Mumsnet crime

"ignoring good advice"

such a sin!!!! really allows people the opoen the floodgates of vitriol

right, so that justifies people searching her old thread and bringing up "old personal" shit does it???

SkullyAndBones · 19/11/2013 10:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sparklymommy · 19/11/2013 10:20

Is there no distinguishment between taking advice and not acting on it and ignoring advice? Just a question, as I'm not convinced the op has "ignored" advice, just because she hasn't necessarily used it.

At the end of the day there is a child who is clearly struggling with some changes. This is the first time I have come across op and I am shocked at some of the vitriol being thrown at her.

I am not saying that she has necessarily endeared herself to people but then some of you are being quite unpleasant.

diagnosticnomansland · 19/11/2013 10:21

How do you know she's ignored the advice? How? And if you feel that she's made it all about her (note I remain neutral on that point), how is tearing a strip off her, poking sticks at her and encouraging her to re-engage in playground tactics going to help her little boy?

NOW I'm being preachy Grin

LEMisafucker · 19/11/2013 10:31

This thread is barking - you're all mad,mad I tell ya!!

ExcuseTypos · 19/11/2013 10:40

I agree LEM.

It's getting a lot of people fighting amongst themselves.

It's really not worth it. Everyone just chillax

The Op has had lots of advice, it's up to her now to sort things out with the school, to ensure her DS gets the support he needs.

Apocolipstick · 19/11/2013 12:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Apocolipstick · 19/11/2013 12:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MintyChops · 19/11/2013 12:22

Jesus there's a lot of plain nastiness flying round here. OP, sorry to hear what is going on with your DS. Did you speak to party boy's mum to sound her out regarding your DS's behaviour at the party? When are you meeting the school?

Golddigger · 19/11/2013 13:02

SugarHut. I was on one of your other threads once upon a time. And I think I advised you then, and would offer advice now, that you do have the option of name changing when or if you want to.
Then, unless you say the same things as before, or unless people recognise you, posters cannot bring up past things about you.

LimitedEditionLady · 19/11/2013 13:20

I keep reading a bit of this thread and others but this one feels like a confused war in comparison to others.

suebfg · 19/11/2013 18:22

mmm ... I don't think SugarHut's original post did much to help her cause really ...

LimitedEditionLady · 19/11/2013 19:19

Has she a " cause" to help?I think it went a bit extreme from her asking should she speak to the woman. If the was the question peoole answered it would not have been so nasty in bits.

captainBeaky · 19/11/2013 20:08

nasty school girl bitchiness! Good luck OP. You have had some good advice and some scathing ridiculousness thrown at you. Mumsnet can be great, but god help you if you have money, are attractive, make mistakes! I hope your situation improves and your son settles in.

captainBeaky · 19/11/2013 20:13

Oh, and I initially didn't like you, from your first post, but you have grown on me. Some people just read/hear what they want and just judge on face value. The extreme bitchiness is uncalled for. There is a quote (not sure who said it) along the lines of - "everyone has their own inner turmoil, be kind... kinder than is necessary". Some of you should remember that!

PinkSnowAndStars · 19/11/2013 20:20

OP - I think they things you are doing are right.... there is alot of bitchiness going on here, but absolute best of luck in getting it sorted, and I hope things become happier for both you and your little boy. x

suebfg · 19/11/2013 20:22

Er, well yes OP posted for help. Given the tone of the original post, no surprise it ended up the way it did - that's all some people will read after all.

LimitedEditionLady · 19/11/2013 20:33

Yes she posted for advice.She didnt post to be drawn into an argument I think she was genuinely looking for some friendly advice from someone.Can anyone actually say that the nastiness didnt escalate a bit too far?

suebfg · 19/11/2013 20:40

Referring to other kids as oiks was never going to go down well was it?

Shakey1500 · 19/11/2013 20:42

SugarHut I am absolutely loving your post on Sunday 17/11 at 20.27 Grin Grin Grin

YANBU by the way.

flatwhite · 19/11/2013 20:57

I have been following this thread on and off.
I must say that the level of bullying and maligning that has gone on has made me feel quite uncomfortable. If anything I have utter respect for OP for being able to rise above the many snides and smirks directed at her and her child (I haven't read more recent posts so it is possible she has felt pressured to say something by now)
I know I will think Twice about posting a predicament on mumsnet in the future. What if I were to use mockworthy language without realising it? We all make mistakes sometimes. It is also so easy to misunderstand the context of a post.
And as other posters have so rightly pointed out there is a distressed child at the centre of all this who at times seems to have been forgotten amidst all the judging and bitching and that has taken place.

LimitedEditionLady · 19/11/2013 21:06

Well some people reacted by name calling her child too didnt they?Cannot see how that was helpful.She is passionate about her childs welfare,like any mother,Im sure many people can relate to the feeling.

usualsuspect · 19/11/2013 21:09

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clam · 19/11/2013 21:21

LimitedEditionLady "She is passionate about her childs welfare,like any mother"
I wouldn't be too sure about that. Have you read her thread about "the boy?" (OP has already said on here that she's not worried about people connecting her to that thread).

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