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Fucking fizzing after children's party.

999 replies

SugarHut · 17/11/2013 16:14

Ok...this will probably be quite ranty as I've literally just walked through the door. DS until this September was at a super naice private school, started age 3.5, now age 5.5. Impeccably behaved. Had his own birthday parties and the children were a delight to have, been to all of the other children's parties both with me present and without, never ever had a problem..with him, or any other child. The school then jacked up it's fees, and an astonishing amount of children left, resulting in DS being the only child in his year. I didn't see this as a suitable social environment, so took him out and put him in a pretty good local village primary. Since September, he's been involved in a number of fights...and he always gets the bad press, because other children have "started" on him for being the new boy, and DS is quite a strong little tike, and tends to "finish" things. Which I have drummed into him is not the correct behaviour, but (and not being snobby, just factual) some of these children at this school are just badly behaved fighty oiks who pick on/hit DS then go sobbing crocodile tears because they get a bigger punch back. DS and I have never encountered children like this before, and quite frankly, he's doing his best to just run off and tell and adult every time, but realistically, he's a 5yr old boy, and sometimes he inevitably will just windmill back.

So, I take him to his first party at from this new school. The mother is lovely, very welcoming. There are only about 8 other boys there. All other parents have left their DS there, apart from one, the mother of "Fred" who has stayed. My parents live about 45 seconds from the party venue, so I leave DS and my number, saying that if there's any problems (as he's not socialised out of school with any of them yet), I'm literally right there. I pick him up 2 hours later. He's crying, someone has punched him and he's fallen off the bouncy castle. I'm quite no nonsense, had a quick look at him, he was fine, told him "chin up" and he stopped his fuss, he was more just tired. The mother of the party boy said thank you for coming that he had been fine, DS and the party boy shook hands which was super sweet, DS went round saying bye to everyone. As I leave "Fred's" mother comes up to me. "Just so you know, he's been terribly behaved." Then stands there waiting for my reaction. "Er, has he?" "Yes" Waits for more reaction. "Ok, sorry about that?" "He's been punching, kicking, we've had to pull him off loads of children." "Oh my god!!! Really??" "Yes." Stands there again. "Um, I'll speak to him when we get home" She then pulls a face at me like she's the Queen. I left. On quizzing DS, as per usual, they had been playing rough and tumble type games, and generally "battling" and "Fred" had hit DS a number of times, DS had then put him in his place so to speak, and Fred's mother had hauled my DS off, sat him down and told him he wasn't allowed back on the bouncy castle until she said. I then discover it was Fred that punched DS in the head causing him to fall off the bouncy castle. DS doesn't lie...he is honest to a fault. He openly admits that he punched back. "But they kept battling me Mummy!!" He said that Freds' mother was basically just on his case the entire time, telling him he was a badly behaved little boy, and lots of "you never EVER do that again" and Fred didn't get told off at all.

I'm fuming. I know I should have stayed, but I didn't want to look all precious. I know I need to calm down. Do I speak to the party boy's mother on Monday and ask how DS actually was, or just go straight to this woman and tell her that she "never EVER" speaks to my fucking DS like that again. Or do I leave it. Sorry for this being so long. Didn't want to drip feed.

OP posts:
AmberLeaf · 18/11/2013 22:39

Someone cast aspersions over how many children the OP had mentioned. She has posted about her EXs older children, so maybe that is what has caused confusion/doubt.

paulagil · 18/11/2013 22:40

There are premiership sports stars kids at my kids's school. I'd forgotten about them TBH until I read this thread. They just muck in like the rest of us. Anyway, enougqh about them. What about me? I haven 't been on a private jet but I've been to Nice. And the Isles of Greece. And I've made love on a yacht. And... Bugger, forgotten the rest of it but do you know what, ladies? I've never been to me.

And that's a true story.

kotinka · 18/11/2013 22:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SecretWitch · 18/11/2013 22:43

Paulagil, it's I've drank champagne on a yacht, moved like Harlow in Monte Carlo and showed 'em what I've got..so weird, I was just thinking of that song the other day...

neunundneunzigluftballons · 18/11/2013 22:44

Sugar just read that the meeting didn't go great with the teacher that is a pity but don't let the matter drop. Anymore bullying keep on them. I don't think the teacher was inappropriate about Fred's mum you did lead her. Anyway you definitely seem to have had your suspicions validated about her but personally I would leave that to one side if you can. You can always deal with her later once things settle down.

I am not sure what is up with the other posts here not for the first time I have appeared to have missed something but I hope things improve for you and your son soon.

clam · 18/11/2013 22:49

There's a lot of extraneous shit that's clouding the main issue here.
A small boy has recently changed schools and is having trouble settling in.
A number of boys appear to be provoking him to fisticuffs.
Some (or just the one?) parents seems to be hostile to the OP and her son.
Leaving aside the rest of the nonsense, what would people advise?

Lambzig · 18/11/2013 22:51

Oh no paulagil that hideous song stays in my head for days, days.... Dreadful. It haunts my life way more than it should, heaven knows why but it just sticks there.

I've been undressed by kings and seen some things that a woman don't ought to see.

usualsuspect · 18/11/2013 22:52

Lots of people have given the OP advice already.

kotinka · 18/11/2013 22:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

clam · 18/11/2013 22:53

Charlene!

clam · 18/11/2013 22:57

OK, that's good from the logistical side, but how can the OP help to smooth her ds's path through school at the moment?

There were some good suggestions earlier today (think the swimming idea was ditched, however!). Hope they didn't get lost in all the deletions.

oldclothcat · 18/11/2013 22:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ev1lEdna · 18/11/2013 22:59

Leaving aside the rest of the nonsense, what would people advise?

People HAVE advised, going into the school (which the OP is doing) - Rhino (can't recall the rest of your name sorry - has given a really useful list including reading up on bullying policy of the school, keeping an incident list etc.

Organising play dates so both of them can socialise more, perhaps going low key and accessible - OP is open to this but outside the house.

Thinking about what other things may be the cause at home or why they might be fitting in - OP is not open to this, or at least it seems like that to me - I could be wrong.

Some have suggested moving school - OP doesn't want to (and that seems quite right at this stage, but could be revised depending on the school's approach to all this).

Some have suggested the OP talk it through with her child - not sure about the response to this.

There has been advice. Lots of advice.

Ev1lEdna · 18/11/2013 23:02

Someone suggested using one of those pottery places as a play date. Soft play was advised against becasue of the potential for rough play. I suggested pizza and ice cream and games at her house but she would rather not open her home up until she trusts people. Is there a farm nearby where animals could be visited. Ideally a place where the kids are able to socialise and where the potential for fighting is limited and where the adults can also get to know one another.

starlight1234 · 18/11/2013 23:08

I find it shocking you have left your son in school been bullied with no plan of action...

My son 6 told me he was been bullied one morning..I spoke to teacher before he went in and she phoned me morning break and I had a meeting after school....

If there was no plan of action and it continued he would of not been returned to that school till I knew he was safe.

I also would not leave him at a party if I thought he was been bullied.

I also suggest nieve to believe your child doesn't lie...

When I had something that couldn't wait that needed discussing with the head which was an issue of safety for my DS..I spoke to secretary and waited until head was free to see me...

good luck but I am sure I would be doing something much more proactive than posting on this thread

Caitlin17 · 18/11/2013 23:11

I'd forgotten Sugar's previous posts about being a stripper but not a sex worker and distinguishing between clean and dirty dancers.

She's had very good advice about how to raise this with the school and/or how to tactfully raise it with party boy's mum, all of which she ignored and instead set off trying to get a teacher to side with her against Fred's mum.

As many of you have said getting back at Fred's mum is irrelevant.

paulagil · 18/11/2013 23:12

WHAT??? secretwitch you mean that I've been recreating this song in real life and now you say it's CHAMPAGNE??? Oh bloody hell.

Anyway, back to me. Where is Me and has anyone ever found it on the map?

usualsuspect · 18/11/2013 23:16

There's village called Pity Me in Durham

SecretWitch · 18/11/2013 23:40

Paulagil..I have double googled to be sure..champers on a yacht it is!!

ExcuseTypos · 18/11/2013 23:41

I absolutely love that song and I don't know why.

Nerfmother · 19/11/2013 07:31

I read kotinka's post just after lambzigs and for a weird moment thought she was advising lambzigs to keep a log of incidents. Monday, undressed by kings. Tuesday, seen some things.
Sorry for brief derail. .

fromparistoberlin · 19/11/2013 08:57

I know the phrase "mumsnet at its worth" is a phrase oft repeated, but this thread really is!

someone posted that her son was being bullied, correct? am I missing something?

and yet some people seem to think its completely OK to take the "moral highground", and in parallel:

make personal comments
bring up previous threads

so on the hand hand they are casting moral aspersions at someone , yet in parallel they are doing their own "detective work" to read their old threads and bring up personal shit, and maybe I am wropng but I thought some "rooms" were safe to post. clearly not

Its just leaves a really nasty taste in my mouth

why oh why OH FUCKING WHY do people think its OK to write 1 sentance bitchy posts at people? is having an opinion and venting it more important than the feelings of a complete stranger

kotinka · 19/11/2013 09:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

diagnosticnomansland · 19/11/2013 09:13

Because the internet gives anonymity so it's easier (and safer) to lash out? I don't know, but I've found this thread pretty disturbing...it's not the first time.

I do think Rhino had a valid point bring up a previous thread though because there is history there that could help to give some clue as to the dynamics of what could be going on with the OP's DS and I believe was noted with the intention to help him.

MarmiteNotVegemite · 19/11/2013 09:31

TBH, I;m really somewhat Shock at the vitriol and mocking the OP has received on this thread. And the way that a number of posters haven't actually read the OP's posts, and are accusing her of not taking action.

Here is her post from up the thread -- she has gone to see the school. :

I have spoken to the teacher. And the headmaster. Who have both told me that my DS is getting physically picked on, and that he has sent several children flying as a result. I have asked why these children all seem to start on him, and they look at me baffled. They say they don't know why

THe school seems to be pretty incompetent -- I wonder if they too are in the sort of reverse snobbery so evident on this thread?

I so undertstand the OP's situation and her son's. As I've said -- I was that child. And believe me, at 5 or 6 you have NO idea of the sort of class snobbery posters are attributing to a 5 year old. You are just going about your usual business, playing & talking as you always have. But to some envious people, being oneself is unacceptable, and you need to be "taught a lesson" or "taken down a peg or two."

The display of that behaviour on this thread is really unappealing and I suspect is exactly the way a number of the parents at the OP's son's school are also behaving.

I just feel so for this little boy, who is being taught that being himself is unacceptable & will lead to him being beaten up. Good luck, OP. Give your boy a hug from me. Or tell him there's a complete stranger on the internet who'll talk to him about dinosaurs and blow raspberries with him!

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