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Fucking fizzing after children's party.

999 replies

SugarHut · 17/11/2013 16:14

Ok...this will probably be quite ranty as I've literally just walked through the door. DS until this September was at a super naice private school, started age 3.5, now age 5.5. Impeccably behaved. Had his own birthday parties and the children were a delight to have, been to all of the other children's parties both with me present and without, never ever had a problem..with him, or any other child. The school then jacked up it's fees, and an astonishing amount of children left, resulting in DS being the only child in his year. I didn't see this as a suitable social environment, so took him out and put him in a pretty good local village primary. Since September, he's been involved in a number of fights...and he always gets the bad press, because other children have "started" on him for being the new boy, and DS is quite a strong little tike, and tends to "finish" things. Which I have drummed into him is not the correct behaviour, but (and not being snobby, just factual) some of these children at this school are just badly behaved fighty oiks who pick on/hit DS then go sobbing crocodile tears because they get a bigger punch back. DS and I have never encountered children like this before, and quite frankly, he's doing his best to just run off and tell and adult every time, but realistically, he's a 5yr old boy, and sometimes he inevitably will just windmill back.

So, I take him to his first party at from this new school. The mother is lovely, very welcoming. There are only about 8 other boys there. All other parents have left their DS there, apart from one, the mother of "Fred" who has stayed. My parents live about 45 seconds from the party venue, so I leave DS and my number, saying that if there's any problems (as he's not socialised out of school with any of them yet), I'm literally right there. I pick him up 2 hours later. He's crying, someone has punched him and he's fallen off the bouncy castle. I'm quite no nonsense, had a quick look at him, he was fine, told him "chin up" and he stopped his fuss, he was more just tired. The mother of the party boy said thank you for coming that he had been fine, DS and the party boy shook hands which was super sweet, DS went round saying bye to everyone. As I leave "Fred's" mother comes up to me. "Just so you know, he's been terribly behaved." Then stands there waiting for my reaction. "Er, has he?" "Yes" Waits for more reaction. "Ok, sorry about that?" "He's been punching, kicking, we've had to pull him off loads of children." "Oh my god!!! Really??" "Yes." Stands there again. "Um, I'll speak to him when we get home" She then pulls a face at me like she's the Queen. I left. On quizzing DS, as per usual, they had been playing rough and tumble type games, and generally "battling" and "Fred" had hit DS a number of times, DS had then put him in his place so to speak, and Fred's mother had hauled my DS off, sat him down and told him he wasn't allowed back on the bouncy castle until she said. I then discover it was Fred that punched DS in the head causing him to fall off the bouncy castle. DS doesn't lie...he is honest to a fault. He openly admits that he punched back. "But they kept battling me Mummy!!" He said that Freds' mother was basically just on his case the entire time, telling him he was a badly behaved little boy, and lots of "you never EVER do that again" and Fred didn't get told off at all.

I'm fuming. I know I should have stayed, but I didn't want to look all precious. I know I need to calm down. Do I speak to the party boy's mother on Monday and ask how DS actually was, or just go straight to this woman and tell her that she "never EVER" speaks to my fucking DS like that again. Or do I leave it. Sorry for this being so long. Didn't want to drip feed.

OP posts:
Joysmum · 18/11/2013 18:32

Funny how there's been so much offence taken at the word 'oil', but none taken at the numerous 'cunts' and 'fucks' on here Hmm

Ah well, nobody offends me but I may allow or enjoy being offended Wink

Word if advice to the OP though, you are being divisive. You have set yourself apart from the majority on here (although given the calibre of some of the replies that could be seen as a good thing) by your use if language and giving more details that required to further the divide between your life and the average.

I suspect if you're like that on here, you're like that in real life and THAT is why your estimate of 95% of women don't like you. Might be worth thinking about behaving and portraying yourself in a way that is more approachable, less you VS the rest of the world and then perhaps people won't react to you as they do.

If your don has the same traits, this might explain a lot

gertrudetrain · 18/11/2013 18:32

And have the other parents 'pre-judged' OP and the oiks taken against her DS for being poshposh? Maybe they just don't like them?

There are people in life who haven't liked me. There will be people who don't like my DC's. It's life. You just take to some people and take against others. Way of the world. People seem to shrug it off.

diagnosticnomansland · 18/11/2013 18:32

I agree that snobbery works both ways and experienced it myself when I went from state school to private - suddenly I was a posh cow who wasn't fit to have their boots wiped on my by some of my old state school friends.

Anway...sugar....I have not read any of the other threads...having said that, I don't think you should just dismiss Rhino's post out of hand...a child's relationship with their parent profoundly affects a child because a parent is the child's mirror and the parent's actions form the child's view of self...that is the understanding this layman has anyway and that is certainly my experience growing up.

It can be hard to take a step back and have a bit of a self-examination, but in this thread it's obvious to me that you do love your child, but maybe you need to take that step back for a while and contemplate things as they have been and as they are? And I say that not to have a pop but to try to help..there have been a couple of times during this thread where I have felt you're possibly not quite being honest with yourself.

RoseRedder · 18/11/2013 18:35

maybe everyone left your private school because your son is a bully? Grin

Can you speak to the party mum about how your son behaved?

Personally I would never stay at a party for DC's and would be most put out if the parents who came to my DC's party wanted to stay

tracypenisbeaker · 18/11/2013 18:40

rose if that's not a PA, then I dunno what is. Calling a child a bully is not something to do willy nilly, even if you are joking. Sad

Ahole · 18/11/2013 18:42

This reply has been deleted

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Ahole · 18/11/2013 18:43

I suspect that the parents of other children have pre-judged the OP and this attitude has been passed to the children. Snobbery works both ways and the snobbery I've seen on this thread against the OP is just too familiar

I agree marmitenotvegemite.

Nanny0gg · 18/11/2013 18:47

RoseRedder Really? Most parents stayed at my DGC recent 6th birthday party.

Wasn't a problem (till they started eating the food...)

usualsuspect · 18/11/2013 18:49

You seem to have a lot of posts deleted on this thread,Ahole.

Hmm,wonder why?

usualsuspect · 18/11/2013 18:50

If you think I'm a jealous pathetic bully.

The report button is just below every post.

Hth.

RoseRedder · 18/11/2013 19:18

nannyogg we invited the entire nursery class to my DCs parties.

I would not have had room in my house if every parent had wanted to sta

Salmotrutta · 18/11/2013 19:21

I'm sitting on my hands here...

Fifibluebell · 18/11/2013 19:22

He hole oik thing doesn't bother me! But the my child is impeccably behaved and doesn't lie maybe but children see situations different to adults! Sharon watts syndrome maybe? You don't know what went on you weren't there! Freds mum shouldn't have spoken to you the way she did although right to inform you of your sons behaviour after she spoke to you you should have gone and asked party mum what had happened and apologised! I really want to know what celeb the op is! Can't be the only one!

Fifibluebell · 18/11/2013 19:22

Whole not hole

SugarHut · 18/11/2013 19:22

This reply has been deleted

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MarmiteNotVegemite · 18/11/2013 19:22

And have the other parents 'pre-judged' OP and the oiks taken against her DS for being poshposh? Maybe they just don't like them? There are people in life who haven't liked me. There will be people who don't like my DC's. It's life. You just take to some people and take against others. Way of the world. People seem to shrug it off

gertrudetrain yes of course, there are people who just don't like one. As adults we know this and we deal with it.

But I know from experience what it does to you when just about every child in your class 'doesn't like you.' Or all the adults in your life turn around and ask you what you've done to provoke the hitting and the teasing.

It's called bullying. I was paralysingly shy until my 30s, and 10 years later, I still go into any new social situation expecting that people will not like me, and going out of my way to be nice and helpful and a people pleaser. Because I learnt very early on at school that just being me was not acceptable.

It's no way to live for a child, and I hope the OP has a productive discussion with the school.

usualsuspect · 18/11/2013 19:23

You got deleted ,Salmo Grin

Salmotrutta · 18/11/2013 19:25

SugarHut - maybe you need to take some of the excellent advice that several posters have offered.

What did the school say when you spoke to them today?

Beeyump · 18/11/2013 19:27

Yes, SugarHut. Mumsnet is filled with jealous, chippy posters hell-bent on getting your threads deleted.

SugarHut · 18/11/2013 19:28

I really do hope the discussion with the school is productive. I have just felt a little like they don't really want to know, so I haven't pushed the matter.

I'm also really conscious that the pre-conception of me is that I'm a diva...so actually in RL I am usually the last to complain and put up with things a lot longer than I should.

Rhino's more recent post is actually very helpful, I will certainly take notes, and do some research on ways to tackle this before I go in...as I don't have the utmost faith in them.

OP posts:
Salmotrutta · 18/11/2013 19:28

I got deleted?

Why?

Never mind - I think I know...

Oh and I see you have an appointment with the school SugarHut

Good.

SugarHut · 18/11/2013 19:29

Salmo...nothing as yet...they just agreed to the time and date of the meeting I requested.

OP posts:
Salmotrutta · 18/11/2013 19:32

I hope your meeting is productive.

SugarHut · 18/11/2013 19:33

Although I did mention Fred's mum to the teacher, and asked if she was a little abrasive until you got to know her, as she had spoken to me in quite a strong manner at a party. The teacher rolled her eyes and said "Oh, her. No comment." And smiled. Which is a little reassuring that it's perhaps this woman is just an arse, but also a little disconcerting that a teacher would make that comment about another parent to me.

OP posts:
Salmotrutta · 18/11/2013 19:37

Two things:

A) you sought an opinion from the teacher on that mother

B) she said "no comment" - and the eye rolling may have been aimed at you and the smile was a response to being put on the back foot.

I'm not sure quite how I'd respond if a parent directly questioned me about another parent. I'd possibly deflect by saying "I can't comment"