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Fucking fizzing after children's party.

999 replies

SugarHut · 17/11/2013 16:14

Ok...this will probably be quite ranty as I've literally just walked through the door. DS until this September was at a super naice private school, started age 3.5, now age 5.5. Impeccably behaved. Had his own birthday parties and the children were a delight to have, been to all of the other children's parties both with me present and without, never ever had a problem..with him, or any other child. The school then jacked up it's fees, and an astonishing amount of children left, resulting in DS being the only child in his year. I didn't see this as a suitable social environment, so took him out and put him in a pretty good local village primary. Since September, he's been involved in a number of fights...and he always gets the bad press, because other children have "started" on him for being the new boy, and DS is quite a strong little tike, and tends to "finish" things. Which I have drummed into him is not the correct behaviour, but (and not being snobby, just factual) some of these children at this school are just badly behaved fighty oiks who pick on/hit DS then go sobbing crocodile tears because they get a bigger punch back. DS and I have never encountered children like this before, and quite frankly, he's doing his best to just run off and tell and adult every time, but realistically, he's a 5yr old boy, and sometimes he inevitably will just windmill back.

So, I take him to his first party at from this new school. The mother is lovely, very welcoming. There are only about 8 other boys there. All other parents have left their DS there, apart from one, the mother of "Fred" who has stayed. My parents live about 45 seconds from the party venue, so I leave DS and my number, saying that if there's any problems (as he's not socialised out of school with any of them yet), I'm literally right there. I pick him up 2 hours later. He's crying, someone has punched him and he's fallen off the bouncy castle. I'm quite no nonsense, had a quick look at him, he was fine, told him "chin up" and he stopped his fuss, he was more just tired. The mother of the party boy said thank you for coming that he had been fine, DS and the party boy shook hands which was super sweet, DS went round saying bye to everyone. As I leave "Fred's" mother comes up to me. "Just so you know, he's been terribly behaved." Then stands there waiting for my reaction. "Er, has he?" "Yes" Waits for more reaction. "Ok, sorry about that?" "He's been punching, kicking, we've had to pull him off loads of children." "Oh my god!!! Really??" "Yes." Stands there again. "Um, I'll speak to him when we get home" She then pulls a face at me like she's the Queen. I left. On quizzing DS, as per usual, they had been playing rough and tumble type games, and generally "battling" and "Fred" had hit DS a number of times, DS had then put him in his place so to speak, and Fred's mother had hauled my DS off, sat him down and told him he wasn't allowed back on the bouncy castle until she said. I then discover it was Fred that punched DS in the head causing him to fall off the bouncy castle. DS doesn't lie...he is honest to a fault. He openly admits that he punched back. "But they kept battling me Mummy!!" He said that Freds' mother was basically just on his case the entire time, telling him he was a badly behaved little boy, and lots of "you never EVER do that again" and Fred didn't get told off at all.

I'm fuming. I know I should have stayed, but I didn't want to look all precious. I know I need to calm down. Do I speak to the party boy's mother on Monday and ask how DS actually was, or just go straight to this woman and tell her that she "never EVER" speaks to my fucking DS like that again. Or do I leave it. Sorry for this being so long. Didn't want to drip feed.

OP posts:
Rhinosaurus · 18/11/2013 19:39

Well I am glad something I said is considered useful.

Never mind the school not wanting to know!! You need to be assertive and press the school for answers.

Involve another agency - family support, school nurse, parent support advisor etc if you feel you will have trouble being assertive with the school. Another agency should be following up any actions the school take and hold the school accountable if nothing is done.

TheDoctrineOfWho · 18/11/2013 19:39

OP, why did you ask the teacher to comment on Fred's mum? What could you have possibly got out of that which was helpful to you or your DS?

Golddigger · 18/11/2013 19:40

Salmotrutta, are you the teacher? Shock Grin

Salmotrutta · 18/11/2013 19:42

No, I'm not the teacher - just a teacher.

And I'd be mightily hacked off at a parent seeking a comment from me on another parent.

TheDoctrineOfWho · 18/11/2013 19:44

Yup, I'm with Salmo, though not a teacher.

OP, you want support from the teachers, why put them on the spot for no reason?

sadsqueaker · 18/11/2013 19:44

What, even a famous parent?

SugarHut · 18/11/2013 19:45

Oh I wasn't asking her to comment on another parent. I voiced it more in an apologetic way that I suspected I was being over sensitive to a situation, and did she think I could had misread this parent as being rather harsh purely because I did not know her personality.

It was helpful to see that Fred's mum obviously has been brought up/made her presence known before.

OP posts:
TheDoctrineOfWho · 18/11/2013 19:48

Yes you asked her to comment:

"Is Fred's mum a little abrasive till you get to know her?"

You asked her to comment then you judged her for commenting.

Salmotrutta · 18/11/2013 19:48

Err, you were asking her to comment!

You asked if she thought you had "misread" the other parent as being harsh!

What part of that doesnt constitute an invitation to comment?!

mumofbeautys · 18/11/2013 19:48

I think maybe you need to look at the possibility of your son being the problem and not the million others

SugarHut · 18/11/2013 19:49

Perhaps I did then, yes.

OP posts:
Salmotrutta · 18/11/2013 19:50

No perhaps about it.

You put the teacher on the spot.

Nice one.

TheDoctrineOfWho · 18/11/2013 19:51

It isn't helpful to know what one teacher, put on the spot by a leading question that she tried to parry,seemingly thinks if another mum.

What is helpful is practical solutions for your son's issues at school.

SugarHut · 18/11/2013 19:51

Yup, that's the issue here. Hmm

OP posts:
ILoveAFullFridge · 18/11/2013 19:56

Actually, you are coming across as a bit of a diva. Everyone is saying not to engage with Fred's mum, and what do you do? Ask someone else to comment on her!

Fred's mum is not the problem. She is merely a symptom of the problem. Your ds's unhappiness and lack of integration are the problem.

Forget Fred's bloody mum!

TheDoctrineOfWho · 18/11/2013 19:57

What I'm trying to say, a trifle impatiently perhaps, is that it doesn't matter if Fred's mum is 100% right and you are 100%wrong, vice versa, or somewhere in between, the only thing the teacher can help with is how the kids interact in school.

gordyslovesheep · 18/11/2013 19:57

why not stay at parties and supervise your 5 year old new to the school child?

HoldMeCloserTonyDanza · 18/11/2013 19:58

Inviting somebody totally unrelated to the situation to criticise somebody else is pretty much the definition of bitchiness.

This is why people don't like you, OP.

Snatchoo · 18/11/2013 19:58

I would just leave it.

You've had a rant, had several people jump down your throat for expressing less than favourable opinions of children, and been berated for language.

I know this without even reading the full thread.

This woman has riled you when your DS and the party child's mother said he was fine. Chalk it down to experience with other parents and let it go.

thelittlemothersucker · 18/11/2013 20:00

I'd invite birthday party boy to the cinema or Pizza Express or something with your son. If he makes friends one by one, one on one, in my experience that works best.

You could invite his mum to come with you both, or maybe go in for a coffee when you drop birthday boy back. It is really imperative that other parents get to know YOU, not the version of you that Fred's mother may well be putting about.

Build up his friendships brick by brick, like lego.

Good luck

kungfupannda · 18/11/2013 20:04

I'd be very wary of a school which says a child is being bullied but does nothing about it, and where a teacher is content to comment (and yes, "Oh her. No comment" and an eyeroll is a comment) on one parent to another.

I'd have very little trust in them, as you'd never know what they would say about you, if pushed by another parent. They could just be telling everyone what they want to hear.

Oh yes, Ms SugarHut, your DS is an angel and all the other children are vile.

Oh yes, Ms Fredsmum, it's entirely SugarHut junior to blame.

Ahole · 18/11/2013 20:34

Op. You're slightly famous, you've ridden in a private jet, your child attended a private school, you have a fancy handbag, you're a model etc etc.

This is continuing to mean that whatever you write (talking to the teacher or whatever) will be ripped to pieces.

I just wouldn't bother anymore op.

Mn posters like to encourage others to do well for themselves, be assertive, etc etc. But if a poster turns up who has already done well for themselves in some way and isn't a meek unassuming victim of some sort they can't stand it! I've even seen a new poster ripped to pieces before for being too funny! Her writing style was too funny and unusual (apparently) and witty so she was driven away!

They get threatened which is usually the reason for any bullying as we all know. (but would never admit it so continue to pick apart your every post and put words in your mouth).

My children's teachers have made comments like that about a couple of parents. Sometimes not really saying anything but making their feelings known and warning me. One even reported another mum without my knowledge for being rude to me. She told me afterwards. Another teacher filled me in on why the mum already mentioned was so unpopular amongst the teachers. I was surprised she told me but well, it happens.

LadyBeagleEyes · 18/11/2013 20:40

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Binkybix · 18/11/2013 20:43

I really think you need to consider the possibility that some people simply disagree with the way OP has spoken/acted in this scenario! Not motivated by jealousy of some random on a forum.

Ahole · 18/11/2013 20:45

See . . . anyone who doesn't go along with it must have an ulterior motive. Please don't judge me by your standards.