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Fucking fizzing after children's party.

999 replies

SugarHut · 17/11/2013 16:14

Ok...this will probably be quite ranty as I've literally just walked through the door. DS until this September was at a super naice private school, started age 3.5, now age 5.5. Impeccably behaved. Had his own birthday parties and the children were a delight to have, been to all of the other children's parties both with me present and without, never ever had a problem..with him, or any other child. The school then jacked up it's fees, and an astonishing amount of children left, resulting in DS being the only child in his year. I didn't see this as a suitable social environment, so took him out and put him in a pretty good local village primary. Since September, he's been involved in a number of fights...and he always gets the bad press, because other children have "started" on him for being the new boy, and DS is quite a strong little tike, and tends to "finish" things. Which I have drummed into him is not the correct behaviour, but (and not being snobby, just factual) some of these children at this school are just badly behaved fighty oiks who pick on/hit DS then go sobbing crocodile tears because they get a bigger punch back. DS and I have never encountered children like this before, and quite frankly, he's doing his best to just run off and tell and adult every time, but realistically, he's a 5yr old boy, and sometimes he inevitably will just windmill back.

So, I take him to his first party at from this new school. The mother is lovely, very welcoming. There are only about 8 other boys there. All other parents have left their DS there, apart from one, the mother of "Fred" who has stayed. My parents live about 45 seconds from the party venue, so I leave DS and my number, saying that if there's any problems (as he's not socialised out of school with any of them yet), I'm literally right there. I pick him up 2 hours later. He's crying, someone has punched him and he's fallen off the bouncy castle. I'm quite no nonsense, had a quick look at him, he was fine, told him "chin up" and he stopped his fuss, he was more just tired. The mother of the party boy said thank you for coming that he had been fine, DS and the party boy shook hands which was super sweet, DS went round saying bye to everyone. As I leave "Fred's" mother comes up to me. "Just so you know, he's been terribly behaved." Then stands there waiting for my reaction. "Er, has he?" "Yes" Waits for more reaction. "Ok, sorry about that?" "He's been punching, kicking, we've had to pull him off loads of children." "Oh my god!!! Really??" "Yes." Stands there again. "Um, I'll speak to him when we get home" She then pulls a face at me like she's the Queen. I left. On quizzing DS, as per usual, they had been playing rough and tumble type games, and generally "battling" and "Fred" had hit DS a number of times, DS had then put him in his place so to speak, and Fred's mother had hauled my DS off, sat him down and told him he wasn't allowed back on the bouncy castle until she said. I then discover it was Fred that punched DS in the head causing him to fall off the bouncy castle. DS doesn't lie...he is honest to a fault. He openly admits that he punched back. "But they kept battling me Mummy!!" He said that Freds' mother was basically just on his case the entire time, telling him he was a badly behaved little boy, and lots of "you never EVER do that again" and Fred didn't get told off at all.

I'm fuming. I know I should have stayed, but I didn't want to look all precious. I know I need to calm down. Do I speak to the party boy's mother on Monday and ask how DS actually was, or just go straight to this woman and tell her that she "never EVER" speaks to my fucking DS like that again. Or do I leave it. Sorry for this being so long. Didn't want to drip feed.

OP posts:
SootikinAndSweep · 18/11/2013 12:21

I would say exactly that, that you fear that, whilst the teachers may be 'on side' and confident he is not bullying others, that you are really keen for him to make friends, and it's difficult to do that when you fear outside school there is a different perception of him.

LEMisafucker · 18/11/2013 12:23

I think pizza is a great idea, although i would suggest cinema and Mc D's actually - I would not be able to afford pizza and would be mortified if someone offered to pay so you may find you get a refusal if you go too upmarket (even though i hate mc d')

As for the school - See if it does pass - honestly, you do not want too much intervention it is often counter productive (ive been there!) Give it a few months (or maybe until xmas) and see how it goes, then go back to them.

SugarHut · 18/11/2013 12:28

LEMis, I literally just said the same thing to someone in a private message. I am thinking don't meddle too much Sugar incase you just make it worse. I had Christmas in my head as a timescale too.

I was thinking if I invite them all out for pizza I pick up the bill? No? Is that going to make me look like a twat? Good job you said that...should I expect them to pay?

OP posts:
Ahole · 18/11/2013 12:28

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heartisaspade · 18/11/2013 12:30

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heartisaspade · 18/11/2013 12:32

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SugarHut · 18/11/2013 12:35

Ahole I really do appreciate you seeing her for her true colours...but trust me, all you can do is smile and be thankful that you're not that bitter. Don't waste any more time on it :)

OP posts:
Ahole · 18/11/2013 12:36

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Ahole · 18/11/2013 12:37

Will do op Smile

Golddigger · 18/11/2013 12:37

Posters shout troll when another poster doesnt fit even the mumsnet "norm".

diagnosticnomansland · 18/11/2013 12:39

God no, do not pick up the bill...there are some who would be offended at that and if people are thinking you're an up yourself snotty cow then that will just add fuel.

I'd also go easy when you do go into school...I read your post on your thoughts about how to go about that earlier in this thread and I feel you're in danger of coming across as a bit of a bull-in-a-china shop. It is really really difficult to not want to just wade in there when it's your child - but softly softly at first at least may get better results. The school already say that they think he is being bullied so you're off to a good start. I do feel you need to see this as more of a partnership, working together to try to ensure all the kids get on as best as possible while accepting that there are limitations to what the school can do and accepting responsibility that on your part you need to do your best to teach your son non-violent coping strategies.

Heart - really? Pretty people have to be really fucking nasty to be disliked? That's quite a sweeping statement and I'm afraid you're wrong. The halo effect I'm sure has an...effect...but that doesn't mean that everyone conforms to what it suggests

diagnosticnomansland · 18/11/2013 12:42

Oh...and when you really do feel like ripping someone a new one (and I'm sure at times we all feel that way_ repeat this to yourself: I cannot control the actions of others, I can only control my own Smile

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 18/11/2013 12:42

Ahole I think SugarHut can stick up for herself fine, she doesn't need you as her bodyguard. And why on EARTH would you send someone a picture of yourself on a private jet?? Very down to earth, I don't think.

herethereandeverywhere · 18/11/2013 12:43

I know the thread has moved on but there's a lesson in 'dump and run' for parties.

Having stayed at a kids party when most others did 'dump and run' (my DD was younger than the rest) I was amazed at the appalling behaviour from previously normally behaved kids.

If you don't see what's going on you can't defend it.

sittinginthesun · 18/11/2013 12:46

In the long term, would you be willing to get involved in the school? PTA? Or, are there any clubs your son would like to do with other children in the class? Most of the "bonding" that goes on is on a football pitch or tennis court, particularly as they get older.

SugarHut · 18/11/2013 12:47

I like that. "I can not control the actions of others, I can only control my own"

DS will like that A LOT too. Right up his street.

Thank you.

Oh, I sent it (and many others) to this other woman, as essentially about 5 nasty little harpies were beyond consumed with jealousy... "bet you're a fucking saddo liar who makes shit up with nothing better to do" types... so I thought, fine, I'll nip these muppets in the bud, emailed this lovely lady, and they all kind of went a bit quiet when she very nicely told them in a nutshell that the only people talking out of their arses, was them.

OP posts:
SugarHut · 18/11/2013 12:48

Duly noted...do not pick up the bill.

OP posts:
InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 18/11/2013 12:50

But why not just ignore the idiots, rather than sending pictures saying 'see, I TOLD you I was rich and beautiful!' Isn't that rather sinking to their level?

jeansthatfit · 18/11/2013 12:50

OP, why talk of paying for them 'all' if you go for pizza? Your son needs one (or two at most) friends - plus one parent. Any more, and you will diminish the amount of quality, friendly time you have.

Pizza doesn't have to be expensive. Go for the most childfriendly place you can. I can't bear Nandos but kids seems to love it... Depends a bit on the parents, but some don't like mcDonalds. If you are known or thought to be very wealthy, McDonalds might look a bit iffy tbh. You don't ask the other kids round your house and then take them for a Mcdonalds... If you just take another child, def pay for then. It's your treat.

Also, at this time of year, keep an eye out for winter attractions etc. Most towns do something... roundabouts or whatever. Something xm themed. They're on for several weeks, you can invite one kid one week, another the next, if you want to spread your bets.

Ahole · 18/11/2013 12:52

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScreamMon 18-Nov-13 12:42:39 Ahole I think SugarHut can stick up for herself fine, she doesn't need you as her bodyguard. And why on EARTH would you send someone a picture of yourself on a private jet?? Very down to earth, I don't think.

I'll stick up for whoever i like, thanks.

Op clearly sent the picture because she was accused of being a troll or liar. Whether she is down to earth as you deem appropriate, or not, is not an excuse for anyone on here to be nasty.

Perhaps you excuse bullying behaviour on the grounds of the victims faults. I don't. Its never right, its never justified.

Victim blaming. Nice.

diagnosticnomansland · 18/11/2013 12:52

I'm glad you think he will find that useful, OP...

On another note...your last comments re harpies...you're not helping yourself. People are people and some are indeed nasty...let them be...but don't join them...

SugarHut · 18/11/2013 12:54

jeans you are a genius!! There are a whole tonne of Christmas related things now starting. Perfect!! Public places, some form of "entertainment" so there aren't too many awkward initial conversations and the DCs will be too enthralled to be poking each other in the eye. And over and done in a couple of hours.

Perfect. You little star. :)

OP posts:
Ahole · 18/11/2013 12:55

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScreamMon 18-Nov-13 12:50:23 But why not just ignore the idiots, rather than sending pictures saying 'see, I TOLD you I was rich and beautiful!' Isn't that rather sinking to their level?

And again its the ops fault. She can't do right for doing wrong. And why's that? Because you are jealous and bitter and can't stand it.

How about the idiots just stop being idiots? Now there's a thought.

Would be lovely if we could all ignore the idiots on this thread. Hmm

redskyatnight · 18/11/2013 12:56

I agree about not picking up the bill, but cinema and pizza is not a cheap outing. If I'd been random mother in your school playground, I would turn you down on the basis of cost. I'd suggest just going to the park "for a bit" after school as a starter maybe. "A bit" can be as long or short as you like, and hopefully it will help you build up enough of a relationship to feel that you could invite someone home.

figrus · 18/11/2013 12:58

Can you invite the party boy and his mother to your mothers house for a cuppa and play?