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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset about friend commenting on my breastfeeding.

86 replies

NachoAddict · 15/11/2013 23:06

I went round to a friends house after I put the kids into bed so about 8pm.

Friends is two doors down from us. I had a two glasses of alcho pop with lemonade, friend had 1 - 1.5 bottles of wine and we had a good chat.

Dp rung me at 10 as Ds had woken up. This was the arrangement as although Ds will go down without feeding, when he wakes in the night he only settled with bf, he doesn't have a bottle, never has and gets quite cross if you offer him a dummy.

So I said to friend right I will be off then, ds is calling.

She replied He is 16 months old, I cant believe your still feeding him it's wrong. He shouldn't be sucking on your boob. I said he's just a baby and he needs me. To which she replied no you need him. You will still be feeding him at school.

I laughed it off because she had drunk a bottle of wine and wouldn't usually be so rude but should I have said something else?

AIBU to be still thinking about it and letting it worry me?

Also AIBU to drink two very weak alcoholic drinks while aI am breastfeeding?

OP posts:

mrsmalcolmreynolds · 15/11/2013 23:09

YANBU to be annoyed with her, but YABU to be worried by a pissed woman's ridiculous ramblings about something which is none if her business.

YANBU on the drinking.

FarOverTheRainbow · 15/11/2013 23:11

YANBU don't let it upset you OP. My DD is 13m and a few people have pushed for me to stop BF because she's just to old now. She's my child, were happy and we will continue for however long suits us

PoppyWearer · 15/11/2013 23:12

YANBU at all.

CailinDana · 15/11/2013 23:14

She's a drunken bitch who doesn't understand what boobs are for, you're a caring mum who didn't tell said bitch to get bent. I think you win.

Yanbu on the drink.

McRoo · 15/11/2013 23:14

I don't think YABU on either count.

YANBU to be upset by her comments but it does sound like she's had a fair bit to drink and, if you think it's very out of character for her, I'd try not to dwell on them too much.

Also, I think YANBU on the drinks for you either. a tiny percentage of alcohol goes into your milk (at least that's what I tell myself!)

GreatSoprendo · 15/11/2013 23:14

It's none of her business how long you BF your DC for. I agree with you that 16 months is just a baby. You need to ignore her comments though and not dwell on it - a bottle of wine will make people say the strangest things so take it with a big pinch of salt.
And YANBU to have a couple of piddly little drinks then BF a 16 month old. I've had some luvverly Shiraz tonight and am now BFing DS1. No more than microscopic amount will have crossed into the BM so nothing wrong with it at all - all things in moderation

Famzilla · 15/11/2013 23:14

YANBU to drink. Your "friend" sounds like an utterly ignorant judgemental bitch with no manners. I wouldn't want to have someone like her in my life.

Even if there was something hideously wrong with providing your baby with nourishment & comfort the way nature intended, you don't shout at other people if you disagree with their parenting choices.

Mellowandfruitful · 15/11/2013 23:15

YANBU and just put it out of your mind. She is talking rubbish. If it does come up again, say 'He's my child and I know what I'm doing, and by the way the WHO recommends breastfeeding till 2 so unless you have any scientific evidence they don't, let's leave it there'. However, I wouldn't even mention it again unless she does. Simply no need to justify it to anyone else.

Wonderstuff · 15/11/2013 23:16

YANBU I have no idea why but lots of people seem to have an issue with Breastfeeding after 6 months, why anyone cares how someone else feeds their baby is beyond me.

Goldmandra · 15/11/2013 23:17

I will never forget one friend literally recoiling in horror that I was still feeding my 13mth old DD2. She looked revolted and asked why I was still doing it. I was shocked that anyone could react with such clear disgust, like I was doing something dirty.

I brushed it off at the time alongside the comments made a couple of days later by a mum in the playground who was a midwife about it being time I stopped and let her grow up. They had clearly all been having a good gossip about me

I haven't quite managed to let those go ten years later.

neunundneunzigluftballons · 15/11/2013 23:18

I agree with you but then DS is 2 and still feeding. I have never once cared what anyone else thinks because, like you I would imagine, I know what is best for my child. People have commented and I think 'well they know no better coming from a formula dominated culture' and then forget the comment completely. That works well for me, them and even more so for DS.

selsigfach · 15/11/2013 23:18

Well done for not rising to it at the time, but I would say something to her the next time you see her when she's sobered up. If she's mortified and apologises, all well and good. If not... well you'll know that she's not much of a friend at all.

Lexiesinclair · 15/11/2013 23:19

If you want to cut your night short because your 16 month old still won't sleep through that's your choice and your friend shouldn't judge. Would do my head in though.

But I've had a bottle of wine.

nickelbabe · 15/11/2013 23:20

yanvu.
if it suits your family, tgen that's what you do!

I had an annoyance at choir last week- it was about half 8, dd was fussing and clawing at me for milk, and I was trying to quiet her before I could get ready. so she was pulling at me and telling her to stop.
this woman said to dd "you're getting too old for that now!" and I had to very sharply reply "no, she isn't"
some people just don't understand what is their business and what isn't
(dd is 23months)

yanbu on the drinking.

harticus · 15/11/2013 23:22

YANBU. Your friend was pissed and talking shite.

NoComet · 15/11/2013 23:22

Given DD2 was still feeding long after she started school, I know it's non of her business.

BFing is for as long as it feels right to two of you.

WidowWadman · 15/11/2013 23:25

She's an idiot and rude. Ignore.

neunundneunzigluftballons · 15/11/2013 23:27

Here is my take on the alcohol, 13% of a bottle of wine (for example) is alcohol. (There are 3 adults In my house the greedy feckers ensure I would never get a full bottle of wine). I have at least 5 litres of blood (I am fat actually I have more blood) if I diluted my bottle of wine down with 5 litres of water there would be hardly any alcohol. My son takes tiny if any feeds at night ergo he gets minute quantities of alcohol so it is not worth thinking about. :-)

Handbagsonnhold · 15/11/2013 23:27

Your friend was probably just having a great evening with you and didn't want you to go....she prob had different views but was probably the drink talking....I wouldn't take it to heart x

VisualiseAHorse · 15/11/2013 23:30

If she says anything that knobbish again, let her know the average age of weaning is four years.
16 months is nothing in comparison to that.

Original poster

NachoAddict · 15/11/2013 23:32

Thanks for the reassurance. I find it easy to have confidence in extended? Breastfeeding on mumsnet but in real life its just not done.

Lexie it is frustrating and I do feel fed up sometimes but they are babies such a short time and its time you never get back. Ds will wean when he is ready and the alternative is hm crying and getting upset when I can so easily give him what he wants.

OP posts:

snooter · 15/11/2013 23:37

Presumably she is disgusted by your feeding a small child rather than a baby when she's sober, but was too drunk to hold her tongue in this circumstance. Your business, not hers. Whether you raise it with her is up to you - how much do you value her friendship?

(I heard a young pregnant woman say she wasn't going to breast-feed because "that's not what breasts are for these days" !!!)

p.s. - your drinking habit sounds fine to me

Original poster

NachoAddict · 15/11/2013 23:46

Well it seems dp actually agrees with her, maybe not to the same extent but he has just said if it were up to him we would have stopped at 12 months at the point it could be replaced with cows milk.

Why is cows milk better for my human than my human milk?

Starting to waiver but I know I will carry on just because ds is not ready to wean and it will be hard work. He is too young to understand why suddenly he cant have something he could have yesterday.

Dp said he has stopped passing comment because he knows we will carry on until we are ready. He only admitted it now because I told him about what friend said.

OP posts:

Goldmandra · 15/11/2013 23:55

Why is cows milk better for my human than my human milk?

It's a no brainer really. Does your DP have a brain? If so he should get it.

Starting to waiver

Please don't. You're not the one with the issue here.

Original poster

NachoAddict · 16/11/2013 00:00

Thanks Goldmandra I am snuggled up in bed with my ds and I honestly couldn't give it up now even if I wanted to. Its my magic tool, it has made life so much easier compared to dv 1 & 2 who were bottle fed.

OP posts:

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