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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset about friend commenting on my breastfeeding.

86 replies

NachoAddict · 15/11/2013 23:06

I went round to a friends house after I put the kids into bed so about 8pm.

Friends is two doors down from us. I had a two glasses of alcho pop with lemonade, friend had 1 - 1.5 bottles of wine and we had a good chat.

Dp rung me at 10 as Ds had woken up. This was the arrangement as although Ds will go down without feeding, when he wakes in the night he only settled with bf, he doesn't have a bottle, never has and gets quite cross if you offer him a dummy.

So I said to friend right I will be off then, ds is calling.

She replied He is 16 months old, I cant believe your still feeding him it's wrong. He shouldn't be sucking on your boob. I said he's just a baby and he needs me. To which she replied no you need him. You will still be feeding him at school.

I laughed it off because she had drunk a bottle of wine and wouldn't usually be so rude but should I have said something else?

AIBU to be still thinking about it and letting it worry me?

Also AIBU to drink two very weak alcoholic drinks while aI am breastfeeding?

OP posts:

pandabear86 · 16/11/2013 00:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Shellywelly1973 · 16/11/2013 00:17

Each to their own!

neunundneunzigluftballons · 16/11/2013 00:21

DH said the same in the same circumstances (2 bottle fed) when we night weaned and left night times to him because I had done 19 months and ds wanted boobies if I was around he changed his tune. Boobies were magic.

Mattissy · 16/11/2013 00:33

I fed till dd was 26m, suited us fine, couldn't give a hoot what anyone else said. A few people tried but got short shrift!

Swanhilda · 16/11/2013 00:56

You are doing brilliantly and she is an idiot.
Fed mine till they were 23 months, and no problem stopping then. They were all goodish sleepers too. And never an earache in sight!!!

PenelopeChipShop · 16/11/2013 01:06

I do exactly the same as you OP, ds is 16mo and I bf to settle at night, though he can settle at the start of the night. Also stopped worrying quite a while back about one of two drinks!

She was drunk, we have all spoken out of turn when half cut. I wouldn't bring it up again myself but can see why you're annoyed. Unfortunately people really do not get natural term bfing. Lol @ the idea that you could force a baby to bf 'for you'!!

extracrunchy · 16/11/2013 01:07

She sounds like a crap friend! YANBU.

MortifiedAnyFuckerAdams · 16/11/2013 01:13

If you were at mine and needed/wanted to leave to BF your 13mo, I wouldnt give a hoot. However, I do like the fact that I can be away a day, night, weekend, if I need/want and DD can manage without me.

Each to their own.

Retroformica · 16/11/2013 01:39

Well done you!!! It really is fantastic that you have fed for so long. The UK in particular struggles with extended Brest feeding when infact the recommendation is to feed for 2 years according to the world health federation.

Retroformica · 16/11/2013 01:40

I fed till 18 months by the way but wished I'd have fed longer like some friends

Idocrazythings · 16/11/2013 01:48

I breast fed DS till he was three. He is a picky eater and it made me reassured that at least he was getting a load of vitamins and immunity etc. it was only before bed or if he was unwell, occasionally in the night. It never replaced a meal or stopped him eating food but I felt so much better knowing at least he had some nutrition.

She's an idiot and only putting her own insecurities on you. Ignore

BrianTheMole · 16/11/2013 01:54

She was probably enjoying your company and wanted you to stay. I wouldn't bother to say anything, just get on with what you are doing.

lljkk · 16/11/2013 02:16

yanbu, it would irk me, but I think you did well to laugh it off. Her loss for being so narrow-minded.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 16/11/2013 02:26

The WHO recommendation is that children receive mother's milk for at least two years. So both your DP and your friend are BU.

When I was feeding my DS (aged 16 months at the time) a friend of mine told him he shouldn't be "doing that" now because he was a " big boy" she knows nothing about the subject of infant feeding. I have no idea why people feel the need/ entitlement to talk such shit about something which does not concern them.

YANBU.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 16/11/2013 02:28

Fwiw I bf him until he was just over 2 yo. I was 6 months pg at the time.

bragmatic · 16/11/2013 03:43

I don't know what alco pop is? What is the equivalent number of standard drinks you had? I'm going to put my hand up and say drinking any alcohol and breastfeeding soon after makes me shift in my chair a little bit.

lljkk · 16/11/2013 03:53

Baby's dose of anything mother ingests is about 1.5% of mother's dose, Bragmatic. OP would have to be comatose from alcohol overload for her resulting milk to be a risk to a 16 month old.

alco-pop = alcoholic drink that tastes like Soda pop.

themaltesefalcon · 16/11/2013 04:39

I would and have ditched "friends" for less.

You were remarkably patient in the face of utter ignorance

squoosh · 16/11/2013 04:42

I'm sorry your friend make you feel like crap but I don't think it means she's a bitch or a cow or a crap friend or whatever else she's been called on this thread. Only you know if that is true. Extended breast feeding is relatively rare so it's unsurprising that some people have such reactions to it, I know a lot of people and don't know one who has breastfed their child past the age of 1, it's ignorance of the unknown that is all.

Idocrazythings · 16/11/2013 05:24

Id say squoosh you probably do know people who have breastfed that long they just don't talk about it. I don't broadcast it, but I'm not ashamed to tell people if it comes up in conversation.

EmmaBemma · 16/11/2013 05:28

I think squoosh is right. On this evidence, it's not worth ending a friendship over if you're otherwise close. She was wrong to say that, but people often say crass/stupid things even when they're not pissed. Pull her up on it when she's sober by all means (because like others, it seems likely this is her view anyway, but usually she keeps quiet).

HoneyandRum · 16/11/2013 06:14

I BF dd1 for 5 years, dd2 for 2.5 years and ds for 4 years. And before I had kids I had never changed a nappy and was totally clueless - never anticipated that I would be so supportive of longterm BF. I don't regret it at all, in fact it was a beautiful time and I have some of my happiest, sweetest memories of my time with the children from then. I say, live and let live, every family needs to decide for themselves how they will feed and care for their child/ren. Just ignore the naysayers and do what's feels right for you and your child.

My eldest dd has a strong memory of when she was a toddler, on a toddler rocking chair that suddenly broke and she fell on the floor. She ran to me crying and I sat down and BF her to comfort her. She said it made her so happy and peaceful because it "tasted like mummy". Their sensual world is so strong when they are little - follow your heart.

gamerchick · 16/11/2013 06:45

I never understand why people say 'no its for you' as if these kids are being forced into it. Breastfeeding acrobatics are not fun.

And it's natural breastfeeding.. They are called milk teeth for a reason. Next time tell her to mind her own.

Why people want to shut off the best thing invented ever invented for mothers is beyond me.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 16/11/2013 07:05

I agree with some of what Squoosh said too. It's just ignorance. It is still relatively uncommon to hear of bf beyond a year.
Even at baby clinic I find myself being advised that stopping bf might be a good thing for me and 9 mo dd.
But you are in the right.

Enidcoleslaw · 16/11/2013 07:12

I have a similarly aged ds who is still a very enthusiastic bfer and feeds back to sleep when he wakes. However if I'm not in then he will settle for my husband who resorts to a song or two and a cuddle. I'm vaguely considering Jay Gordon's night weaning plan at the moment! will probably attempt it when I can be arsed.

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