To ask you to help me not to be a smug pregnant lady? (Lighthearted)

[HomeIsWhereTheGinIs]

We've just found out that I'm pregnant and we're thrilled. A random chat about when to tell people spiralled into a rather amusing reminiscence of some of the more ludicrous and smug things that various pregnant friends that have gone before us have said. I'm sure that they weren't aware of how they sounded (and they've certainly all returned to the land of sanity since giving birth) but I don't want to fall into the same trap. I mean this to be very lighthearted so help me compile a list of things NOT to do so that I can avoid being "one of those" pregnant women. The main two on our list so far are:

1. Don't read out every single item on a restaurant menu and pause after each one to explain at length exactly why you can't eat it (because you're pregnant). A table of six of your friends only has so much patience, regardless of how much they love you.
2. Don't feel the need to belittle other people's accomplishments by yawning and saying "You know, since I became pregnant it really puts everything else into perspective" the minute the group conversation moves away from your (really rather gory) birth plan.

Any more out there? Give me your best "smuggeries" to avoid!

Facebook posts regards pregnancy - especially because some of your friends may be having issues TTC and this can be very upsetting

Any comments about how you feel 'much better' or love not having hangovers now you are not drinking

Is this real? Do people actually do these sorts of things?

Don't tell me you live in Wandsworth

Congratulations!!

Ok, here are mine. I've had four children and have managed to avoid these (though probably have done other things that have infuriated people!)

Don't, don't say "We're pregnant". We are not pregnant. You are pregnant.

Don't say "We know the sex, but we're not telling anyone". Like it matters more to anyone else than it does to you.

YY to not vetoing items on the menu and smiling martyrishly and sanctimoniously about all the things you 'can't eat'.

Don't smile patronisingly at women when they tell you about their shit 36 hour induced labour that ended in a crash CS and say smugly that you are hoping for a natural, water birth and that a good labour and birth are all about mind over matter.

Same to stories from women who tell you about any BFing issues they had and how they didn't BF for as long as they wanted for you to smile smugly and saying you're just really determined to breastfeed so will go through any amount of pain and misery to achieve it.

I'm sure you won't do any of these, though! Good luck and happy pregnancy and baby.

You're growing a person! Milk it! before it milks you

Go ahead and be smug, you are special and amazing, don't forget it because you certainly won't feel special when you're covered in baby sick
Seriously though, enjoy it. I'm not the biggest fan of pregnancy but I look back on my first one fondly. Make the most of it.

Don't look at the childless women around you and announce "it'll be your turn next!" They may have been TTC for a long time.

True! Another one building on that: "I can't believe how much we all used to drink together! shudder I never want to go back to that kind of excess now that I know what it's like to feel this healthy"

carovioletfizz: you made me laugh - that's another one that I remember. The ones that make such a fuss about how their birth is going to be natural and beautiful can be hard to listen to!

You may never know who has has a miscarriage, or with acquaintances rather than friends, a stillbirth, neonatal death or cot death.

It helps if peolpe remember that pg isn't necessarily something that everyone sees as joyous.

EdithWeston I know, and it's so sad when that happens. I did mean for this thread to be lighthearted as I'm sure we've all had friends become somewhat amusingly precious and I thought it might be fun to share - obviously I didn't mean to upset anyone and I apologise if I have done so?

Definitely don't do the 'you wouldn't understand unless you have children of your own' when you have the baby. And remember that your pregnancy is special to you and your family but other people may not wish to hear the ins and outs of morning sickness/hormones/scan pics etc! (Thinking of an ex colleague whose only topic of conversation was her pregnancy!)

Just be sensitive. An old friend invited round me (ttc eventual ivf) and another friend (long term single, facing up to childlessness) and announced smugly that she had started driving lessons because she would be "producing in April". Somehow she didn't get whatever the reaction was that shed anticipated. In the long term I forgave her insenditivity and sometimes even wonder if we ought to have been warmer, not to piss on her fire or whatever but at the time it was so irritatingly insensitive and painfully raw.

Sorry that wasn't lighthearted!

One friend make me laugh. She was about 11 weeks, and we were out to dinner, chatting away about her pg news.

Then she said 'anyway! Enough about me, tell me what you have been up to? You two and your wild nights out!' (And rolled here eyes indulgently!).

I laughed aloud. She made us sound like we were 18, just back from week in Magaluf, while she was the sage older lady. Mother Earth herself!

Bless her. She cringes now. Aw.

Was there really any need for some of the comments on here?

People ARE allowed to be happy with their own lives. It is not insensitive.

Don't go on about how women tear during childbirth because they weren't relaxed or crouching right. Tis bollocks. I tore because my baby was massive and had arks in the superman position. End of.That is a real bugbear of mine. A certain friend went on and on and on about it until I could have smacked her.

Don't go on about your plans for getting baby to sleep etc. You will give birth to a human with their own agenda.

Accept all gifts graciously. Even if you don't like them.

If anyone asks if they can get you anything just say oooooh some clothes in bigger sizes or toys to grow into would be lovely but don't feel obliged. I was given HEAPS of newborn stuff and by 3 months had nothing.

When people ask about names give them silly ones. I got hmmmm faces and endless opinions and suggestions when I gave out real ideas so started saying things like Nike, Hovis, Bathsheba, Boudicca, Chavella, Tanqueray and the like.

Don't smile patronisingly at women when they tell you about their shit 36 hour induced labour that ended in a crash CS and say smugly that you are hoping for a natural, water birth and that a good labour and birth are all about mind over matter.

Why would these women tell her that?? It's not the sort of thing I would tell a pregnant woman.

Ditto with the breastfeeding failure stories.

Don't stand around holding your "bump" with one hand whilst rubbing your back looking pained at 12 weeks....

Don't post endless photos of your bump on Facebook. A couple is fine, or normal photos where the bump happens to feature but nobody wants to see weekly bump watch.

Don't be smug about how you will be having a drug free water birth and how you don't need to consider the alternatives as backup because you are 'very determined'. determination is not going to push a stuck baby out, plenty of women don't have the birth they hoped for but try not to make it sound like they b didn't achieve perfection because of a personality failing!

Ditto the above for breastfeeding. it's absolutely fine to say you plan to breastfeed if possible but wind your neck in with the formula negativity.

Don't live blog the birth on Facebook. please.

The ones that make such a fuss about how their birth is going to be natural and beautiful can be hard to listen to!

My first birth was "natural" - obviously the baby is beautiful but I think the TV programmes edit out the parts with puke, and the floor looking like a horror/crime scene afterwards :)

Oh and if someone asks if you know what you are having(to make polite conversation)....please don't say "we do but were keeping it a secret" cos no one really cares....??

I think it's fine if you prefer not to say whether you're having a boy or a girl. If they'd rather not say, are people supposed to lie and say they don't know?

I don't know why women would share their labour and breastfeeding horror stories with a pregnant lady wombles, but they do.

Carry on as normal and only wang on about being pg inside your own home.

And no bump rubbing in public.

I am a bump rubber

It's only just started growing (23 weeks) and I can't seem to stop doing it!

I'm going to take notes on this thread.