To ask you to help me not to be a smug pregnant lady? (Lighthearted)

[HomeIsWhereTheGinIs]

We've just found out that I'm pregnant and we're thrilled. A random chat about when to tell people spiralled into a rather amusing reminiscence of some of the more ludicrous and smug things that various pregnant friends that have gone before us have said. I'm sure that they weren't aware of how they sounded (and they've certainly all returned to the land of sanity since giving birth) but I don't want to fall into the same trap. I mean this to be very lighthearted so help me compile a list of things NOT to do so that I can avoid being "one of those" pregnant women. The main two on our list so far are:

1. Don't read out every single item on a restaurant menu and pause after each one to explain at length exactly why you can't eat it (because you're pregnant). A table of six of your friends only has so much patience, regardless of how much they love you.
2. Don't feel the need to belittle other people's accomplishments by yawning and saying "You know, since I became pregnant it really puts everything else into perspective" the minute the group conversation moves away from your (really rather gory) birth plan.

Any more out there? Give me your best "smuggeries" to avoid!

And no "bump on board" car stickers ??

YY to the bump rubbing, you wouldn't sit there mindlessly rubbing your stomach any other time, it hasn't suddenly become a normal thing to do!

Hello hot!

I'm a bump rubber too! Sorry.

Be gracious when people ask how you are or offer advice or tell stories about their own pg experiences.

Here's a handy musical guide

People are allowed to be pleased they're pregnant and they're allowed to shout it from the roof tops without it being insensitive, fgs!

A friend once said to me "The baby will have to learn to sleep through straight away, I can't do without my sleep", "The baby will fit in with our life style, no need for us to be disrupted" I just smiled and walked away. Months later I said her "oh and how is that going for you, is your life disrupted?" She laughed and thanked me for not bursting her bubble too early!

One thing that always made me roll my eyes was getting cards signed by friends with a newborn. You might have had this friend years and had birthday and Christmas cards off her for years, signing her name. Then she marries and all of a sudden it's her husband's name first and her's second. Then the baby comes along and it's baby's name first, her husband's second and her's third, even though clearly written by her.

Also didn't like the signing of from "bump" etc or "Baby Harry" etc. Saying "Baby" in front of the name always made me think of "Baby Jesus". This signing of "Baby Harry" went well past him being a baby, even up to age 3. Talked about this way in conversations too. It did make me chuckle but I forgave her as it obviously meant a lot to her but I did find it a bit smug. Same friend also made out IVF children were more precious as the parents had gone through more to get said baby which annoyed me.

Not quite the thread the OP intended, I suspect.

What's wrong with rubbing your bump!? There's a lot going on in there and sometimes a rub is just what you need to make things a bit less uncomfortable. Can't imagine why it pisses some people off...oh well won't stop me :)

LOL - probably not what OP expected, but I think it's really good for pregnant women (and their partners) to just be aware that as amazing as their pregnancy is for them, for others it can be hard. It's not that pregnant women shouldn't be ecstatic, more that they shouldn't take offence if someone else isn't: it could be for more reasons than just being rude.

Anyway, my smug pregnancy contribution (a friend, not me) is don't speak about your midwives as though they know nothing, just because you read a few books about birth!

I hated being pregnant, hated it. There's nothing nice about it, 9 months of misery!

Hee hee with the bump rubbing and back holding I was thinking more of the women who do it before there is a bump to try and draw attention to it.

If they think it's putting a strain on their backs at 12 weeks they're in for a shock in a few months time :)

It's not that pregnant women shouldn't be ecstatic, more that they shouldn't take offence if someone else isn't: it could be for more reasons than just being rude.

Still no need to shove your lack of enthusiasm quite so voraciously down someone else's throat. That IS rude. I don't get why certain people think the "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all" rule doesn't apply to other women if they're pregnant.

FWIW, I have never known anyone who thinks it's OK to behave like that in real life. Most people have the grace and charity to be pleased for their friends and family when they've had good news.

Couldn't agree more, Saucy.

I wholeheartedly agree with the trying to push out a pretty non existent bump and standing there, rubbing it. Drives me mad.

I also loathe any type of slogan t shirts which announce that you're pregnant - such as 'hands off the bump'.

And the 'we' thing - we are pregnant, we are having a scan, we can't wait to give birth.

I will never forget, my first labour was quite difficult and lengthy due to a twisted pelvis, and a few previously unknown health issues.

A DFriend, despite knowing about what I went through smugly declared to me that she would be having an all-natural birth because she had 'prepared properly' and at the end of the day it 'all comes down to willpower'.

Um, no it does not. This was when my pfb was about 3 months old, and I felt so inadequate.

Her birth went very well, thank goodness, but I will never forget how she made me feel with her proclamations.

1. Don't say "there's no way I'll ever need an epidural."

1. When a friend tells you about her difficulties breastfeeding and how she had to give up, don't say "you mustn't have had the right support" then lament to your dh that she didn't try hard enough.

I am guilty of both of the above, and both came back to bite me

I have some more! Disclaimer - these are meant in the spirit of the thread ie lighthearted.

Don't say:
I really haven't needed maternity clothes, I'm just wearing a size 12 instead of my usual 8.

My husband JUST CAN'T KEEP HIS HANDS OFF ME now I'm pregnant!

You can't tell I'm pregnant from behind! I've only put on weight on my tummy, not anywhere else! It's so weird!

Don't say these things, EVEN IF THEY ARE TRUE.

I'm just bitter because I piled on four stone for every pregnancy!

Re: bump rubbing. I do it as surreptitiously as I can (but I do do it!) because at 35 weeks the kicks and jabs are getting bloody painful!

How lovely! Thank you all for your advice!
Matissy (and greythorne and SaucyJack) I agree. I didn't want to upset anyone, I did try to keep this fun and lighthearted. I am, however, new to MN and will no doubt pick up the exact nuances that I need to employ to ensure that fun posts are just that and that they don't stray. I am determined to learn! I don't think it's right that you shouldn't be allowed to tell your friends and family happy news. In the end I'm sure nobody will care as much about my pregnancy as I do and whilst I will always try to be sensitive about telling people, it would make me quite sad if I thought I had a friend I couldn't tell for fear of upsetting her? We've been TTC for a while now - and I was really pleased when other friends got pregnant regardless of what was happening for us.

carovioletfizz you are hilarious! And I recognise one of my friends at least in that. She complained that she'd had to buy a whole new (modest) wardrobe of sleepwear because her husband wouldn't leave her in peace.

I've also just remembered another one - a friend who banged on and on about how she refused to contemplate "drugging her baby" with an epidural. I mean it was constant - every time I saw her she'd bang on about the selfishness of women that request pain relief. FWIW I feel mean for thinking "hah" when she had one a couple of hours into labour, not because I thought she shouldn't ask for pain relief (personally I don't see that enduring horrible pain is impressive) but because she reduced another of our friends who'd had a particularly horrid birth almost to tears at a dinner with her attitude. Surely being open-minded is the best way forward?

On facebook:
Don't post photos of sticks you have peed on
Don't post photos of every outfit you have bought for your baby.
Don't post about how dilated you are.

In general:
Don't go on about how amazing your DP is being in a smug voice
Don't mention any rigid plans you have, they will come back and bite you.

Enjoy that feeling of being special. I have 4 DC and there is something special about the first one.

I forgot one - never at any point smugly mention that you haven't got any stretch marks. They may finally decide to put in an appearance AFTER you've given birth

a friend once said to me "The baby will have to learn to sleep through straight away, I can't do without my sleep", "The baby will fit in with our life style, no need for us to be disrupted" I just smiled and walked away

Yep. You want to avoid any sentence that begins with "our baby will..." or "our baby won't..." as the baby will have other ideas. And even if you get lucky, and your baby is a magical sleeping through always happy take anywhere baby, it won't be because of anything you've done.

Do you not know anyone who already has children? You make it sound like you're the first woman ever to get pregnant. Most if us have been there.

Floggingmolly - sorry, I'm confused. Was that something to pass on?