To ask you to help me not to be a smug pregnant lady? (Lighthearted)

[HomeIsWhereTheGinIs]

We've just found out that I'm pregnant and we're thrilled. A random chat about when to tell people spiralled into a rather amusing reminiscence of some of the more ludicrous and smug things that various pregnant friends that have gone before us have said. I'm sure that they weren't aware of how they sounded (and they've certainly all returned to the land of sanity since giving birth) but I don't want to fall into the same trap. I mean this to be very lighthearted so help me compile a list of things NOT to do so that I can avoid being "one of those" pregnant women. The main two on our list so far are:

1. Don't read out every single item on a restaurant menu and pause after each one to explain at length exactly why you can't eat it (because you're pregnant). A table of six of your friends only has so much patience, regardless of how much they love you.
2. Don't feel the need to belittle other people's accomplishments by yawning and saying "You know, since I became pregnant it really puts everything else into perspective" the minute the group conversation moves away from your (really rather gory) birth plan.

Any more out there? Give me your best "smuggeries" to avoid!

Oh yes. Don't let other people spoil your happiness. :)

And when the baby arrives, don't let anyone make you feel you are crap at being a mother. I have finally learned that most people are at sea with baby rearing and that some people like to make themselves feel better by making you feel bad. Hard lesson that. Just relax, enjoy. You are the best mother your baby has.

Don't use it as an excuse for EVERYTHING! Oh I couldn't travel that far, I am pregnant, I would help you but I tire easily now etc etc

I'm now worried as I didn't get a single stretch mark first time round.... I had put it down to being chunky and carrying weight around my middle anyway....

How about - dont judge other pregnant women. Some may be terrified,others exhausted, elated, excited, fed up. And dealing with it in their own way. I'm finding this thread really depressing too. Why judge at all?

Not sure why this thread and the OP are getting a hard time... Anyway...

I still cringe a lot when I think of a conversation I had with my friend when we were both pregnant about how women who didn't breastfeed and how they obviously weren't trying hard enough or didn't care enough about their baby's health.

We both struggled a lot to breastfeed as it turned out. She had to give up after a few weeks and I almost did. I look back and just hope no-one overheard as it sums up how ignorant and judgemental people can be.

Some of these I can definitely agree with but others just seem... I don't know, smug about not being smug? If that makes any sense at all...

No bump rubbing? I'm starting to get a proper bump now and it's sore with all the stretching and stuff - it helps. Plus sometimes it just happens naturally - it's not something I aim to do and it's not a way of trying to draw attention to it, it just happens without realising at times.

No updates... I'm writing a blog at the moment and I'm having people I know coming up to me and telling me they love it - parents and non-parents alike - but that may be because it's sarcastic and the emphasis on the humour rather than "I

I think this video will help Gin!

Oh, another one!
" I must be SUPER FERTILE because we got pregnant literally the first time we tried after I came of the Pill!"

YY to Caroviolet's "you can't tell I'm pregnant from behind"

in a similar vein: "Maternity clothes are so unfashionable, I'm so glad I haven't needed to buy any. I just close my jeans with a safety pin instead". Said to me while I was also pregnant, having trouble with my weight and wearing maternity clothes!

I think you can have the perfect execution of a birth, even if the plan goes to rat-shit. So, positive thinking, calmness, breathing etc don't have to go out the window just because you're not getting the natural water birth wanted. I do think determination and preparation have their place.

How about - dont judge other pregnant women. Some may be terrified,others exhausted, elated, excited, fed up. And dealing with it in their own way. I'm finding this thread really depressing too. Why judge at all?

I think everyone knows that to be fair. I think it's meant to be a bit of fun ;)

Just to clarify again (thank you planodoodle), I really did mean this thread to be just a bit of fun. I thought that putting "Lighthearted" in the title made that clear and so am a bit taken aback by people taking it seriously. Clearly I have much to learn about starting MN threads.

Anyhoo, whilst waiting for Carovioletfizz to add more (please!) funnies, I've been sharing these with DH and was really surprised at his reaction to the "we" are pregnant bit. Apparently he's had a life-long aversion to hearing that from other men! Strange, the things you find out late about each other!

In agreement with, but also in response to, Caro's -

"People who get pregnant first time/accidentally/without trying are the scum of the Earth".

Talking of super-fertile, my auntie once tried to tell my mum - who was much younger and at an impressionable age - "We're all super-fertile in this family, don't bother with contraception, not even condoms - you'll just get pregnant if you have sex, so there's no point in bothering with contraception". Her parents reacted the way they did to everything my auntie said; they just rolled their eyes, waited until she was gone and then told my mum that if she ever had sex, she was to absolutely use protection and ignore what my auntie said because she's an idiot

Do not ever, ever say the sentence "you won't understand because you haven't been through it" to childless women and don't ever assume that people are interested in your bodily functions.

Even those who are not ttc etc may just not be interested. With my colleagues I don't want to hear the ins and outs for several months, nor do I want to meet the baby when they come in after the birth. (Disclaimer - I am not a complete bitch, I always knit a large baby shawl for them as a gift which costs me considerable time and money)

The point I was trying to make Anakin31 is I find it strange that a woman downgrades herself to third position after marriage and a baby. Also find "love from bump" twee and "Baby x" a bit smug as if its the most precious thing in the world to everyone not just the parents.

How weird that you've "heard it all now" over something so small. Don't you get out much?

Dear First Woman to Ever Get Pregnant, yes, it's very nice that you have read a lot about pregnancy, childbirth and raising children, but please try to share your wisdom with other pregnant women or parents in a more gentle manner. And not "But of course you would do x! Who would even consider doing y!!!"

I really love it when pregnant woman (with their first child) tell me that 'oh, your boy can nap anytime, can't you just put him down after lunch and shopping instead'.

Um. No.

The naïveté of thinking that a baby or toddler will nap on demand is very funny.

I'm hating being pregnant. I'm only 21 weeks and it has been nothing but stress and hell and is likely to get worse The only thing that keeps me sane and positive is rubbing my bump (to remind myself why I'm tolerating all the crap) and making the odd excitable but probably annoying to others facebook status about the baby

Do whatever it takes to get you through it and congratulations!!!

Oh, another one.

Don't say "I just don't know what all the fuss is about! I've felt FINE. No morning sickness, full of energy, no symptoms at all really! Pregnancy is not an illness!"

In particular, don't say this in full hearing of all of your colleagues in front of your equally pregnant colleague who has had miserable morning sickness, is knackered and can't keep her eyes open by the time 3pm hits, and generally feels like crap.

Gin, your thread has inspired my latest blog post. Thank you!
carovioletfizz.blogspot.co.uk/2013/11/how-not-to-be-spl.html

I rubbed my bump, does that make me smug?

In my defence, I didn't really have anywhere else to put my fat, swollen hands.

Light hearted because I know the spirit in which your thread was intended!

1. At lunch with a friend, don't take a bite of salad, chew it for a minute or two then spit it out with an "ugh!" noise "because I'm sure I can taste mayonnaise in the dressing and that could kill my baby."

1. Don't wear a Baby on Board badge while smugly going on and on about "how fantastic I feel now I'm pregnant, I've got sooo much energy, it's just amazing." (Do, of course, wear one if you have morning sickness/feel tired/have backache/any number of reasons why you might want a priority seat on public transport)

1. Anything caro has said!

30 weeks and i'm bump rubbing like mad i'm afraid. My skin is sore and it helps. Also i've been advised to avoid tea/coffee by MW as caffeine blocks iron absorption apparently. I would hope a friend wouldn't mind me asking if they have de-caff in the house. I do, even when not preg.

So - Ner ner nee ner ner

I agree about: not 'we' are pregnant please, and of course, yell us how you are, but then let the convo change into another topic, yes?

There truly are allot of women out there stuggling with ttc - so this thread is is a good'n OP, even though it's spirit is lighthearted :)