To ask you to help me not to be a smug pregnant lady? (Lighthearted)

[HomeIsWhereTheGinIs]

We've just found out that I'm pregnant and we're thrilled. A random chat about when to tell people spiralled into a rather amusing reminiscence of some of the more ludicrous and smug things that various pregnant friends that have gone before us have said. I'm sure that they weren't aware of how they sounded (and they've certainly all returned to the land of sanity since giving birth) but I don't want to fall into the same trap. I mean this to be very lighthearted so help me compile a list of things NOT to do so that I can avoid being "one of those" pregnant women. The main two on our list so far are:

1. Don't read out every single item on a restaurant menu and pause after each one to explain at length exactly why you can't eat it (because you're pregnant). A table of six of your friends only has so much patience, regardless of how much they love you.
2. Don't feel the need to belittle other people's accomplishments by yawning and saying "You know, since I became pregnant it really puts everything else into perspective" the minute the group conversation moves away from your (really rather gory) birth plan.

Any more out there? Give me your best "smuggeries" to avoid!

haha am 18 weeks preg with dc3 and am in no way smug

in fact i spend most of the time moaning about it tbh :o

I have a friend who is 12 weeks pregnant, she found out at 4 weeks and has been non stop fb updating, sharing photos of scans/purchases etc, complaining about sickness, pain, tiredness etc. She thinks it'll all be easier when it's born as she has planned bedtime routines etc...... HA HA HA HA bless her :)

OP, how about you just try and do whatever feels right and necessary to you?

Sorry to be a spoilsport but this thread is a bit weird imo.

Funnily, you actually sound smug by desperately trying to avoid appearing smug iyswim.

I'm afraid you have no idea how you will feel through your pregnancy and what difficulties or hurdles await you. Just take it one day at a time and try to enjoy being pregnant. It actually is a very special time.

• why wouldn't you rub your tummy even if it is not huge or just about visible? It's your baby in there and most pregnant ladies do this unconsciously.

-it can be a drag going to restaurants whilst pregnant because most menus contain stuff that is deemed unsafe.

Anyhow, let me assure you that you will definitely end up doing or saying things that others will find smug.

Do not live your pregnancy on Facebook. Your Facebook 'friends' do not need to know how many weeks your baby is and what has changed for your baby this week. Or that you have a mw app and your bump is now what ever size or that you are shattered or that your baby is really kicking today. I know someone whose pg seemed to go on for about six years due to the way it was played out. It did peoples heads in. Also don't announce the birth via fb within 30 mins of giving birth. Spend the time with your baby, the world can wait.

oh god i put bump pic updates every week on fb - have done since 13 weeks ...... in fairness this will be my last pg and i always regret not having any bump pics at all with my other 2, and it will be nice to look back on yes i know i could have just taken weekly pics and NOT put them on fb

this makes me annoying doesn't it?

Well, I'm a tubby-rubbing-baby's-sex-secret-keeper so I'll join you on the smug step.

If people tell you, you are 'amazing' because you're growing a human being inside you...please understand that they mean nature is amazing and not actually you as a person.

Whilst I don't doubt you're an amazing person, I'm sure there are more reasons behind it than simply having sperm fertalise your egg

Oh and (forgive the lecturing tone, annoying, I know) be prepared for the metamorphosis of a lifetime. You will look and feel (to a lesser or greater degree) like a different person by the time your DC arrives. Carrying a baby brings about a huge change and it will feel, at times, like you are the first/only woman to be pregnant and give birth but that's good and quite normal. Basically it's a hormonal rollercoaster. But, mostly an enjoyable one. Being smug at times is part of the package, in fact I think it might play a role on your journey to motherhood as you discover your new identity as a mum. Ha!

I have no issue with bump rubbing, tbh. Or a slight PFB paranoia about what you can and can't eat and drink (this always felt like a minefield to me even when I was on my third DC). And having suffered infertility issues, I do agree that you need to try to exercise a little sensitivity, but that's no reason not to celebrate and be euphoric about your own pregnancy and baby, because having a baby is amazing

But as others have said - do not, ever ever ever EVER say 'We are pregnant'.

He is not pregnant. You are.

He will not go through the physical demands of pregnancy or labour. You will. You'll be the one bleeding and crying and struggling to sit down for weeks on end. Not him.

He will not have to deal with all the physical discomfort/pain of establishing breastfeeding, if you decide to try to breastfeed - YOU will. You'll be the one with the aching boobs and the so-sore-you-could-scream nipples. Not him.

'We are having a baby' is fine. 'We are pregnant' is NOT.

Please do not ever ever ever use this phrase. I have no idea why I hate it so much and I am not a violent person but I have never heard the 'We are pregnant' thing uttered without wanting to inflict physical pain on whoever has said it. It. Gives. Me. The. Rage.

Can you tell?

You'll be the one bleeding and crying and struggling to sit down for weeks on end. Not him

Sorry but that's ^ not something that will happen...however it might^ do.

.

worra good point, re the crying and struggling to sit down. Sorry, I didn't mean to be overly negative. But such is the rage that the 'We're pregnant' thing gives me that I lose the ability to be rational or positive or encouraging

She will bleed, though Lochia happens to us all!

Loving this, it should be a leaflet given to people by doctors having had a work colleague pregant last year for what seems like years i'd say the following

No bump or back rubbing
No constant baby talk as though you are the first ever woman to be pregnant
No hourly updates on facebook
No whining your partner refuses to be your slave for nine months
No skiving parts of your job as you cant possibly lift a pack of paper

I've got another one! Can you tell I love this thread?
'My dh just won't let me do a THING now I'm pregnant! I'm not even allowed to carry my handbag or do any housework, he's so protective of me.'
Bleugh.

Oh I'm with you on the 'We're pregnant' thing diet.

I want to chop my bloody fingers off for just typing it!

I'm sorely tempted to go and and post a mundane and whinging yet simultaneously life-affirming and self-glorifying pregnancy update on FB in honour of this thread.

Obviously I will be typing one handed, cos my other hand will be rubbing my bump.

Worraliberty Good point about nature. Slightly unfair to preen and take credit for something women have been doing for millennia! Also thank you for the reassurance about the whole crying and bleeding for weeks thing being something that might happen but won't necessarily!

carovioletfizz more in that vein: "Obviously I can't go to the supermarket any more because pushing the trolley puts too much strain on me (said at six weeks). I don't know why we haven't been shopping online for years!"

Also, StellaPourMoi, I've said twice that I meant this thread to be lighthearted. So… sorry about that.

Sorry for being distinctly non-lighthearted but:

-Bump on board stickers are something I have never judged since I read on here the story from a lady who lost her daughter when an impatient lorry driver ploughed into the back of her car at traffic lights. In a subsequent pregnancy she felt better with a bump on board sticker.

-Bump rubbing/back holding: things are shifting around and loosening up even early on in pregnancy. Rubbing your tummy or back is a natural response.

-Natural birth: I would never brag or evangelise but actually I did have a drug-free waterbirth and went on to enjoy breastfeeding. I do privately consider these things beautiful but I feel it is pretty much socially unacceptable to even mention them - it quickly became clear to me that no one wants to hear a positive birth/breastfeeding story and will accuse anyone who has experienced this of being smug. So I keep quiet and only ever mention them to pregnant women as an alternative to the horror stories so many people are keen to bandy around a pregnant woman.

-Menus: I have found that people are far more keen to tell me what I shouldn't be eating/drinking than I am to bring it up!

Sorry, I know the OP was lighthearted but I find some of the responses a bit sneery!

Yy - never be smug about lack of stretch marks! I got to 37 weeks without any and started smugly telling my pg friends that "I must have really good genes" as I didn't have a single one. At 37+5 I got out the shower and actually let out a yelp as I was COVERED! Lesson learned...

Caroviolet....think of some more please....

annie, I never had stretch marks for the first one and put that down to the fact that I have been very overweight all my life, partic around the middle area so the baby fit into the space my stomach was already occupying!!

Second one, again. Woke up one morning and was covered.

Definitely not the "next it'll be you"
Don't go on about how your life is now complete.

Definitely not the "we're pregnant"
don't say how much of a man your dh is for impregnating you on the first month.

last one is very personal to me. Don't have your scan picture as your profile picture. when I waa having fertility treatment every time I went on fbk they weee staring bavk at me

don't let other people spoil your happiness. It's wonderful news x x x

Don't ask for decaf tea at other peoples houses. AS IF the average person is likely to have it in.

Im pregnant and I drink regular tea AND coffee cos Im not special.

The baby will fit in with our life style