18 month old DS vomiting in cot, CC, AIBU?

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Am really struggling to get DS to sleep in his cot, he has never been a fan, but we go through periods where he is happy enough to settle down after a bit of babbling and will sleep through.

However the last month he has been so unsettled and screams with rage every bedtime . I think he's just getting more aware of the exciting world around him and thinks sleeping is too boring! He can make himself so upset that he vomits within 2 minutes of being put into cot. Then I have to clean him up and usually end up rocking him for up to 45 mins to sleep, but he's becoming ever more reliant on that to settle. Same when he wakes in the night, which he does at least once or twice nightly.

I am now 7 months pregnant, working full time and beyond tired, can't continue like this and want to be in a better place sleep-wise when new baby arrives. Considering controlled crying (we did this at 12 months, going in at 2,3,5 mins etc and it worked great, but went downhill quickly due to periods of teething, bugs and moving house - our fault really for not being consistent). However am concerned about the vomiting, as I know he will be sick as soon as he gets upset. Doctor has ruled out any illness, so I think the vomiting is something of a learned response and I will just have to ignore it, clean him up and persevere. But will it work? And is it an awful thing to do to him?

Partner does as much as I do to settle DS, definitely pulling his weight, and is not overly keen on CC at any age, but he can survive on less sleep than me! And he doesn't had any better solutions!

Another vote for gradual withdrawal.

I did it with one of my twins at that sort of age. He would get hysterical if left to cry for even a moment, so cc wasn't an option.

He started off feeding to sleep., but that didn't work after a while so needed to be able to go to sleep without it. First I cuddled him to sleep, then stayed next to the cot while he fell asleep, them moved further away as he dropped of. It took a while, a few months really and there was some crying but he never got hysterical as I never left him alone until he was happy for me to do so. Now I can pop him down awake after his bedtime story, leave the room and he sorts himself out. This time last year that seemed an impossible dream!

I really feel for you, no sleep is awful, being pg, working and getting no sleep is triply awful. It doesn't sound as if cc will work for him though, and there is a middle ground between that and co sleeping.

Best of luck - and there's no reason why your partner can't do some of the above either!

Hi I think that if you have a partner then you need to ask him to step up and look after your child while you get some sleep.

I would try a travel cot and sleeping bag. Maybe let him sleep down stairs in a travel cot, transfer him to your room, then if he wakes you are there and there is no leaving him. Try this for a while before transferring to a toddler bed?

I also am amazed that you think he is vomiting on purpose? Some people get sick when upset or from crying.

Would you consider seeing a sleep consultant? Best money I have ever spent. You can choose what kind of support you need and you most definety need someone who listens to you and if possibly, can meet your son and observe his bed time routine. Choose carefully and don't be afraid to interview them first and choose someone you believe you can trust to listen and support you.

I'm the mother of two teenagers who were absolutely crap sleepers. My dd used to vomit too if we tried controlled crying - and DS needed very little sleep and could easily be up half the night.

The last thing your ds needs is to get into a routine and then be moved out of the cot in which he is settled once the baby is too big for the moses basket/crib. You need to transfer you ds to a cot bed now and put the cot in your room for when the baby comes. You need also to put a single bed or futon in your son's room for him to move into eventually and/or for you or your dh to sleep in from time to time for reassurance, expecially when the baby comes.

One of the best things I had was a nursing chair (not for nursing because I was hopeless at b/f too and it was a waste from that point of view) which proved indispensible for sitting in, gently rocking with me in and nodding and them in bed or cot. It also came into its own when dd had "permanent" ear infection for three months and didn't spend a single night lying down for more than an hour.

Finally OP, and I say this as an HR Manager for a very large organisation, if you are so tired you are falling over and hurting yourself then go to the GP and get yourself signed off work for a week or two weeks and get some rest. The most important thing at the moment is you and your family and your unborn child and I would advise anyone who came to see me in your state to do the same and I am really not regarded as a soft touch at work.,

they talk about vomiting like this in 'Toddler Taming' I think. Iirc the author advocates going in to clean up the vom, and then continuing on as you were. Don't beat yourself up over it op.

They also talk about tying the bedroom door shut in Toddler Taming...........

I wish I could afford a sleep consultant!

Partner does help, like I said, he is happy to do his share. DS does tend to want mummy more though, so inevitably the physical work falls more on my side, while partner fetches bottles, changes PJs if DS seems too hot, changes nappies, administers calpol, gets me drinks etc, if DS refuses him

I second the idea of new surroundings for him.

A toddler bed, with some special bedding - favorite character from books or TV. Change of routine - slightly later bed time perhaps, time spent together in the room before tucking down time. Door left open etc.

If the OP knows co sleeping wouldn't work (as her DS still doesn't settle) then it's pointless everyone keep saying oh, just go to bed at 7.30 with him and co-sleep

It's not good advice to be getting the boy into another unsustainable routine. How is OP going to be able to go to bed at 7.30 and stay there with him with a new baby in 2 months?

My 20 month old was vomiting last night, I think due to dodgy milk. She was so, so distressed at being sick, I cannot imagine how upset she would have to be to make herself sick. As others said, I would think again with regards to how you sort this and I also think Delilah has a great idea with the move into a bed. Play the big boy / big brother card as believe me this will be a reasoning tool for some time to come
I utterly sympathise with the lack of sleep - I am broken by a combination of non sleeping through toddler, disabled dog, sleepwalking reception class older dc and I also work, have to drive up the motorway every day etc. I am generally in bed by 9, I nap whenever I can, try and eat healthily to keep my strength up etc.
I am not going to say you are being unreasonable as I think you are not thinking straight.
Final thought - might be worth seeing your doctor or talking to your employer. If you are this tired, you maybe should be off sick or at least have some reasonable adjustments put in place such as reduced hours.

"She was so, so distressed at being sick, I cannot imagine how upset she would have to be to make herself sick."

But that's your child.

My DS has a vomiting bug at the moment and is very distressed by it, but the tantrum vomit is very noticeably different.

I'm wondering how tired he is by bedtime, OP - what child care do you have and what does he do while there? How long is his nap, and at what time of day?

I did always hang on to that precious nap time as long as possible, I must say - gave me a mid-day break and my toddlers weren't over-tired at bedtime. However, if he is sleeping very late in the day, or not getting enough exercise/fresh air, he may be wakeful enough to resist. You need to aim for him to see his bed as a lovely warm nest where nice things happen - gentle stories, head-stroking, talking about the day and what you will do tomorrow.

I'd try getting him absolutely tired out (perhaps over a weekend, first, as a trial) - lots of walking outdoors, no pram, etc. Get your DP to take him out for hours on end while you rest. Make changes to the sleeping arrangements as others have suggested - buy a toddler bed, change the position, change the whole "feel" of bedtime. I assume he has a bedtime routine, with bath, stories, no television for the last hour or two...signals that things are gradually winding down after the day?

And finally, stop work - get signed off for a week or two; whatever is needed. Your health is vital and you cannot possibly be doing a proper day's work feeling as ill as you do. Your toddler is your priority at the moment - he's just a baby himself - and with a new baby on the scene shortly, you are still going to be short of sleep. You will have to learn to nap, or go to bed early, or whatever it takes, during these early years.

YANBU, sounds like a really good plan, clean him up of course, calmly and boringly. He will soon learn that night if for sleeping.

Fair enough Murder. Sick freaks me out. Think I have a bit of a phobia so I guess I am not being balanced.

How much sleep is he getting during the day? Is it too much? We hung in to daytime naps for too long.

I know you said your partner & you are sharing the load, but you're growing another person! Time for you to go to a friends for a couple of nights? Get some sleep. Your child has 2 parents & there's though he might ask for you, mummy can't do it. Just like you can't do it in a couple of months with a newborn stuck on your boob, or recovering from a section.

Me too Thermo, never used to, but 2 pregnancies with HG has cemented the fear. Finding it hard not to freak out today tbh.

And this is why I think cc is shit, babies get ill, teeth, start nursery etc so all that work and some may say trauma isn't worth it IMHO. I would consider co-sleeping with a plan of how to do this when baby arrives, dh can do it too. Remember your ds is only a baby himself.

Like babyboomers, I was wondering what kind of timings you're going with? DS usually self-settles and sleeps through, but last night I prob did bedtime about 30-40 minutes late - and had a baby too overtired to settle himself, and waking up all night screaming needing to be rocked back to sleep. Could he be overtired at bedtime and therefore struggling to relax?

Agree with trying a whole new routine - toddler bed, bedding etc.

You could try lying next to him while he goes to sleep (would be a nice nap for you too) and gradually reduce the amount of time you stay.

Something that worked fairly well with my DD when she was a similar age and a bugger to get to sleep was to do lots of role play about going to sleep - putting dollies and teddies to bed, pretending to sleep ourselves etc so she got the hang of lying down and staying down.

Ill vomiting v different from behavioural vomiting but neither is nice (esp for you having to clear it up!) so would be better if you could avoid altogether.

Or put him in a bed if he's walking. All 3 of my dds went in a bed at that age. We used to lie with them until they fell asleep still am with dd age 4

agree

new special bed, get him to choose it, and new exciting bedding

then you can lie on bed and shoosh him and rest yourself till he sleeps

at least this way (a) he has a new toy, and (b) you can rest yourself

its wont last forever i PROMISE xxxxx

and my DS2 manages to get himself SO ANGRY that he almost vomits, teeth brushing and pajama times induces such anger! nightmare

"Something that worked fairly well with my DD when she was a similar age and a bugger to get to sleep was to do lots of role play about going to sleep - putting dollies and teddies to bed, pretending to sleep ourselves etc so she got the hang of lying down and staying down."

That's an interesting idea, might try that with my DS.

Just read through. I don't think this level of sleep deprivation comes with the territory. I, for one wouldn't be able to cope with it when pregnant!

It seems to have become a real battle, which has pushed you to the very edge. I also vote for the path if least resistance. Honestly, I have found baby 3 and 4 so much easier since we too k this road. And no3 was hard work!

Have you tried pick up put down? My DS was an utter disaster for CC - he went from zero to hysterical incredibly quickly and got more worked up over time, not less. What really worked for us was pick up put down.

1. Do bedtime routine - milk, pyjamas, stories, teeth.

1. Songs while rocking/carrying in darkened (but not completely dark) room.

1. While DS is calm, lie him down (for us, we did it while singing).

1. If he cries, pick him up again straight away and cuddle/rock until he is calm again.

1. As soon as he is calm again, put him straight back down (continuing to sing or whatever you are doing).

1. Repeat until he goes down calmly (exhausted/resigned) and goes to sleep.

The key here is that you never give him time to get so worked up that he's sick, and whenever he gets upset you are comforting him until he's calm again.

The first few nights are TORTURE. We did it twice (the second time after a bad bout of croup undid all sleep behaviours) and each time it did work within a week.

The second time, when he was around 15 months, it went like this: First night, I swear I picked him up and put him back down about a hundred times. I was definitely at it for over an hour. Second night, DH was in there for about an hour. Third night it was fifteen minutes, fourth and fifth nights it was five, sixth night he went down with no protests, turned over and went to sleep.

He's two now and will occasionally whinge at bedtime ('More stories? WANT DADDY SING ME SONGS NIGHT NIGHT MUMMY') but mostly he goes down brilliantly and sleeps through.

The other thing I meant to say OP, is does he have a nightlight? Could some of the upset be a new found fear of the dark because the clocks haven't long changed and we have just moved into the darkest bit of winter. We realised with dd that that was one of her big issues about being put to bed.