18 month old DS vomiting in cot, CC, AIBU?

[ShiteCompany]

Am really struggling to get DS to sleep in his cot, he has never been a fan, but we go through periods where he is happy enough to settle down after a bit of babbling and will sleep through.

However the last month he has been so unsettled and screams with rage every bedtime . I think he's just getting more aware of the exciting world around him and thinks sleeping is too boring! He can make himself so upset that he vomits within 2 minutes of being put into cot. Then I have to clean him up and usually end up rocking him for up to 45 mins to sleep, but he's becoming ever more reliant on that to settle. Same when he wakes in the night, which he does at least once or twice nightly.

I am now 7 months pregnant, working full time and beyond tired, can't continue like this and want to be in a better place sleep-wise when new baby arrives. Considering controlled crying (we did this at 12 months, going in at 2,3,5 mins etc and it worked great, but went downhill quickly due to periods of teething, bugs and moving house - our fault really for not being consistent). However am concerned about the vomiting, as I know he will be sick as soon as he gets upset. Doctor has ruled out any illness, so I think the vomiting is something of a learned response and I will just have to ignore it, clean him up and persevere. But will it work? And is it an awful thing to do to him?

Partner does as much as I do to settle DS, definitely pulling his weight, and is not overly keen on CC at any age, but he can survive on less sleep than me! And he doesn't had any better solutions!

[Pearlsaplenty]

This sounds very stressful op

My question is are you sure you aren't putting him to bed too early?

Im pregnant and not very well either so found it a struggle dealing with bedtimes and my ds 2.5. I would put him to bed and he would be running out and expecting me to chase him and i would be exhausted putting him back repeatedly, so i keep him up later sitting on the sofa with me watching my tv shows (not his) and I put him to bed about the time he usually falls asleep, so about half an hour later than the usual bedtime, and I have found he stays in his bed and goes to sleep faster as he is proper tired by then. This is working for us at the moment, maybe you could try similar. Good luck

[SteamWisher]

There's a sleep regression at 18 months. I would switch him to a bed and set up a camp bed next to him (just a mattress or foam fold out bed) and lie next to him to settle him. That's what I did with ds. I remember dd's sleep also going doolally at 18 months - sitting with her until she slept was the answer and now at 23 months she can be left. I find talking to her helps eg saying night night. As does singing.

[Slutbucket]

What about getting rid of the cot and getting a big boy bed? You can sit on the bed with him or next to the bed. Read a story etc he then had control of being able to get out if he wants to find you. Hope it gets sorted soon. My little boy went through this with sleep now he's four a don't hear a peep out of him!

[MurderOfGoths]

Hope you're having an easier night of it OP

[monicalewinski]

Totally agree with switching from cot to bed. Make a fuss about new bed and 'big boy' room.

Get good bedtime routine going, not too late so that he is not overtired and grouchy. Teeth, bedclothes, night night to whatever parent is not putting him to bed, then upstairs for story in dim room, snuggled together on the new bed. We always used to sing the cbeebies bedtime song every night after story to both our boys whilst stroking their faces and even now (they're 8 & 11) they still start drifting off if I do that!

You have to gear yourself up for a few nights of repeatedly going back to soothe again but it should work in the end - don't pick up, rock to sleep or cuddle, just lie next to and gently stroke his head/face with no speaking, just "shh, shh" etc (everything calm,gentle and quiet if you see what I mean).

By re-inventing the bedroom and bedtime you can hopefully take away the stress he feels now (hopefully!).

Hope the rest of your pregnancy goes well, this will pass, even though it doesn't feel like it at the mo. xx

[Dobbiesmum]

Having just switched 21 month old DD to a junior bed after weeks of screaming bloody murder and that's without any CC I agree with pp's who suggest it!
Get him snug in bed, a little gentle music, teddy and a comfy cushion for you. Be prepared for a few nights of getting up but it's so much easier I wish we had done it sooner.
You have my sympathies and I hope you start to have easier nights

[DreamingOfTheMaldives]

Apologies if this has already been said, I haven't read the entire thread, only the first couple of pages, but those of you suggesting co-sleeping, is the OP supposed to cosleep until baby arrives and then try to put DS in his own cot. Surely that will make him worse as he will feel shoved out for the new baby. If they all cosleep, surely DS will have his sleep disturbed by the baby waking for feeding numerous times a night.

To my mind, cosleeping seems the absolute worst thing she could do at this stage!

[Workberk]

Every baby is different.

DS refuses to cosleep.

He went berserk when we tried gradual retreat.

But when - after months of rocking/shushing/singing, we just put him in his cot and closed the door, he went to sleep within 10 minutes without really crying.

I feel for you OP, if I was only getting 4 hours sleep when heavily pregnant I'd be in a total state. You poor thing.

Have you tried one of those things that projects lights onto ceiling and plays music?

[BuntyCollocks]

Wow, judgey comments much? OP, I feel for you. My
Dd is the same, although we have reflux to contend with, too. She naps generally well, but just doesn't like to sleep at night. She also won't co-sleep. We have tried everything, and are awaiting a referral to a paediatrician. At her worst a couple of weeks ago, she was up every hour, and if not up every hour, it was 4 hours in the middle of the night.

I have currently just managed to get her to sleep after she woke up at 8, having been put to bed sound asleep at 7:30. She is a horrendous sleeper.

I just wanted to let you know you're not alone.

[DreamingOfAFullNightsSleep]

Hi OP, I have been directed here as my DT1 is similar to your ds. Except I'm not pregnant, and only work 2 days- definitely affected by tiredness though.

My Dt1 has reflux, which was only starting to be properly identified at 11 months, and only on enough treatment via a paediatrician at 15 months. he vomits within 2 minutes too, reliably, and can't stop til he's emptied his tummy. It's making any form of sleep training really difficult. That plus bedtime being hectic with him, his twin, and their 18 months older 3 y.o. sister. He's better in a travel cot than a cot, but when he wakes around 10-11 he does come straight into bed with me. It's only very recently got me any more sleep though, and that's with adding a bed guard for my reassurance after multiple fall outs, no DH in there, and having finally, finally night weaned at 17 months (from 3-4 bf a night). I think we may try the big boy bed, gradual retreat again.

I would like to add that my dd, at this age, was a nightmare. She'd slept through from about 3-4 months to about 13 months, bar teething etc, and self settled from 9 months. I was heavily pregnant with the dts, working, miserable. I was taking up to 3 hours to get her to sleep at night (with gradual retreat), then she could wake at midnight and I couldn't get her to sleep til eg 5am. Absolute disaster. I did sometimes panic about wtaf we'd do with two new babies to manage too. However, for her, the sleeping changed dramatically as soon as the boys were home from hospital (in 4 days, more as DH had a wierd illness where he just avoided being admitted himself and my cs recovery than them). Literally stopped waking for hours in the night on night 3 of the boys being home. I'd say 4-6 weeks of decreasing time with the gradual retreat, and by the time the boys were 2 months old she was sleeping well after 6-7 months of Sleep Hell. for her, it was definitely anxiety where she knew Something Was Up but not what if that makes sense. We didn't actually end up doing anything differently. I'm just saying this to give you some hope, it will improve.

I think the big boy bed suggestions sound good. We have our terrible sleeper in a travel cot wedged against a single bed in the boxroom, so maybe we will get him his own covers and try it. Even his paediatrician suggested giving up with the cot. I ignored her as she also told me to stop bf. In fact, I've ended up stopping bf (not because of her, but i hit the wall on restricted diet for me as he is dairy, soya and egg intolerant and Dt 2 dairy intolerant). Now looks like I'll go with the bed option too

I couldn't do cc with the vomiting, as it was too soul destroying, especially as then I'd worry about real hunger at night wakings. I have, by just refusing to rock, got Dt1 settling initially in my arms without rocking, now I'm sitting on the single bed and laying him with his head in my lap and he's going to sleep like that. Pretty slow progress, but limited here as any crying disturbs my other two from self settling and causes greater bedtime problems. I think eventually I will work up to him laying by himself to go to sleep, but tbf.I'm not making progress with that with the travel cot.



Oh, and op, I'd try anything. I understand the desperation, both from him, and dd when I was heavily pregnant too. It's grim.

[DreamingOfAFullNightsSleep]

Hi OP, I have been directed here as my DT1 is similar to your ds. Except I'm not pregnant, and only work 2 days- definitely affected by tiredness though.

My Dt1 has reflux, which was only starting to be properly identified at 11 months, and only on enough treatment via a paediatrician at 15 months. he vomits within 2 minutes too, reliably, and can't stop til he's emptied his tummy. It's making any form of sleep training really difficult. That plus bedtime being hectic with him, his twin, and their 18 months older 3 y.o. sister. He's better in a travel cot than a cot, but when he wakes around 10-11 he does come straight into bed with me. It's only very recently got me any more sleep though, and that's with adding a bed guard for my reassurance after multiple fall outs, no DH in there, and having finally, finally night weaned at 17 months (from 3-4 bf a night). I think we may try the big boy bed, gradual retreat again.

I would like to add that my dd, at this age, was a nightmare. She'd slept through from about 3-4 months to about 13 months, bar teething etc, and self settled from 9 months. I was heavily pregnant with the dts, working, miserable. I was taking up to 3 hours to get her to sleep at night (with gradual retreat), then she could wake at midnight and I couldn't get her to sleep til eg 5am. Absolute disaster. I did sometimes panic about wtaf we'd do with two new babies to manage too. However, for her, the sleeping changed dramatically as soon as the boys were home from hospital (in 4 days, more as DH had a wierd illness where he just avoided being admitted himself and my cs recovery than them). Literally stopped waking for hours in the night on night 3 of the boys being home. I'd say 4-6 weeks of decreasing time with the gradual retreat, and by the time the boys were 2 months old she was sleeping well after 6-7 months of Sleep Hell. for her, it was definitely anxiety where she knew Something Was Up but not what if that makes sense. We didn't actually end up doing anything differently. I'm just saying this to give you some hope, it will improve.

I think the big boy bed suggestions sound good. We have our terrible sleeper in a travel cot wedged against a single bed in the boxroom, so maybe we will get him his own covers and try it. Even his paediatrician suggested giving up with the cot. I ignored her as she also told me to stop bf. In fact, I've ended up stopping bf (not because of her, but i hit the wall on restricted diet for me as he is dairy, soya and egg intolerant and Dt 2 dairy intolerant). Now looks like I'll go with the bed option too

I couldn't do cc with the vomiting, as it was too soul destroying, especially as then I'd worry about real hunger at night wakings. I have, by just refusing to rock, got Dt1 settling initially in my arms without rocking, now I'm sitting on the single bed and laying him with his head in my lap and he's going to sleep like that. Pretty slow progress, but limited here as any crying disturbs my other two from self settling and causes greater bedtime problems. I think eventually I will work up to him laying by himself to go to sleep, but tbf.I'm not making progress with that with the travel cot.



Oh, and op, I'd try anything. I understand the desperation, both from him, and dd when I was heavily pregnant too. It's grim.

[DreamingOfAFullNightsSleep]

Sorry, don't know why that posted twice!

[WhereIsMyHat]

Shitecompany, you have my upmost sympathy. My third has been a nightmare sleeper and I know how awful sleepless nights can be. My done co-slept for about 8 months but since he's left our bed he HATEs it and like yor sons will not settle in with us. I think night times are especially hard no because it is so cold and you are pregnant, I really feel for you. You need some more rest.

My suggestion was going to be trying a toddler bed. I know he's young and it sounds daunting but things are already shit so they can't be much worse.

[HollaAtMeBaby]

God you must be knackered :(

What happens if you don't do the 45-minute rock to sleep after he's been sick? He can't keep being sick all evening surely?

Also there was a great tip on here about making up cots/toddler beds with several layers of alternated fitted sheets/plastic sheets so that in the event of midnight puking you can whip off the top layer and there's a fresh bed ready to go underneath.

[Lilacroses]

You have my extreme sympathy Op, when my Dd wasn't sleeping I thought I would go crackers. I agree with Nearthewindmill. Get a week or two off work, once you're rested you can think clearer. I also had a brilliant rocking/nursing chair that was a godsend. I think getting your Ds a cotbed and possibly yourselves a futon mattress for alongside is a really good idea. One of the most annoying things about their sleeping habits is that they change alot due to illness and teething so I agree with others, there is alot in between co sleeping and cc (which I also tried...you are NOT a bad person!).

[JesusInTheCabbageVan]

Afraid I haven't RTFT, but I had a situation developing which was similar in some respects - 23mo DS going absolutely batshit as soon as I went out the door.

Like many, I opt for path of least resistance. Have tried co-sleeping before and it didn't work because he's so restless. I moved a mattress next to his cot, put him into bed and then just lay down next to him and kept shushing him and telling him to lie down. At first he was furious and made several attempts to hit and kick me through the cot bars Then he just gave up and grumbled himself to sleep. I was surprised at how quickly it happened, because he is so strong-willed normally and could quite happily carry on for 2-3 hours if need be.

It's not ideal, but it works for us. I leave the room once he's asleep, and go back in there once it's my bedtime. Another plus is that he sleeps much later in the mornings under the new regime. Used to be a 4:30-5am start, now more like 6-7 (woohoo!)

The thing about being sick - well, you know him better than we do so you're best placed to know whether it's genuine distress. It isn't always. DS went through a phase at around the same age of making himself sick on odd occasions. He'd just stick his hand down his throat and then...errk. Bloody child. Not attention seeking, not distressed. Just curiosity I think.

[ButtonBoo]

I haven't read all the previous posts so apologies if this has been suggested already.

Get a single bed with an attachable bed guard if necessary. We just put the old cot bed mattress under the new single bed and slide it out at night. We take DD up, read a story, sing Baa Baa Sheep about 50 times and then have a cuddle until she goes to sleep. Beats trying to hang over the side of the cot! She still wakes 2-3 times a night but if she doesn't settle quickly then I can just get in with her. Her bed is so comfy I often fall asleep and wake up a few hours later. Not ideal but we are all sleeping and much better for it.

[DreamingOfAFullNightsSleep]

And if you want the company of the sleep deprived while you do it, come join us on the misery loves company thread! here

[appletarts]

Your son vomits because he is in a state of trauma. What you describe is emotionally abusive. No wonder you have to spend so long settling him because he has become traumatised around bedtime and his cot. I think your 'methods' will take him some time to recover from and you have set up negative associations around his bed. You have set those up, not him. Stop battling your baby and give him what he needs. He can probably sense another baby on the way and needs his mum to let him know she is still there for him, not to let him puke in his cot from emotional distress. The fact you are pregnant is not his problem, why should he be expected to suddenly grow up and be convenient for you. Babies often don't sleep very well especially when traumatised, lack of sleep is something you just suck up as a mother. This is a very sad post.

[BuntyCollocks]

appletarts you have clearly not had a child who doesn't sleep. I don't think the op needs such a sanctimonious post. She's not being emotionally abusive, she's at her wits end. Far better a few nights of screaming and hopefully then a child who sleeps, than one whose mother is so chronically sleep deprived she can't function.

[Mylovelyboy]

Dont co-sleep. Terrible idea. You will then have another problem of him never leaving your bed. woo 18 month olds are more intelligent than you think

[Mumsyblouse]

Saying the child is vomiting 'through trauma' is a ridiculous thing to say, people have different gag and vomit reflexes and a minority of children can learn to make themselves vomit quite easily especially if it happened quite easily once or twice in the past. Lucky you that your child doesn't engage in repetitive distressing behaviour such as head-banging or vomiting but clearly this one does and I don't see how going on about your own children who only vomit rarely, or how this is a sign of deep trauma (with no evidence whatsoever) is helpful.

Op- I know you say you haven't got much money, but I really think a sleep clinic would help you, can you get a referral/pay to see anyone, because the problem is that you don't know what to do and almost need an outside agency to come in and hold your hand through this- people who have seen this type of stuff before and will be calm and non-judgemental as well as providing practical advice. I do agree the lifting and rocking has to stop- what about hair-stroking? I would put him in the big boy's bed and stroke hair til falls asleep and then do gradual withdrawal, as clearing up vomit is not fun at all, and it sounds like co-sleeping is out of the picture.

[Mumsyblouse]

the fact you are pregnant is not his problem what a stupid thing to say to someone so sleep-deprived they are hallucinating. If the Op loses her job, has a nervous breakdown, or crashes her car (which I did when sleep deprived) then they are not going to be able to meet their child's needs at all whatsoever, nor their new baby's needs. Long-term chronic sleep deprivation is very very bad for people, not least because it renders the parent poorly functioning in many areas of their life and this is physically and psychologically dangerous.

[Retropear]

Agree,tosh apples.

Op a few nights of upset will lead to far less trauma and upset in the long run as he will be sleeping.He's difficult to settle because he's exhausted and beyond it.

Babies and toddlers need sleep to develop as do pregnant mothers.

How about a visit to the gp,maybe they could refer you to somebody.

I dd cc and it was waaaay less stressful for my 3 than the continual broken nights,don't believe the hype.That said mine were younger.

[Retropear]

Also I read of two lack of sleep suicides last week so belittling the importance of sleep and making ridiculous accusations to a pregnant woman on a parenting site there to give support is not on.