18 month old DS vomiting in cot, CC, AIBU?

[ShiteCompany]

Am really struggling to get DS to sleep in his cot, he has never been a fan, but we go through periods where he is happy enough to settle down after a bit of babbling and will sleep through.

However the last month he has been so unsettled and screams with rage every bedtime . I think he's just getting more aware of the exciting world around him and thinks sleeping is too boring! He can make himself so upset that he vomits within 2 minutes of being put into cot. Then I have to clean him up and usually end up rocking him for up to 45 mins to sleep, but he's becoming ever more reliant on that to settle. Same when he wakes in the night, which he does at least once or twice nightly.

I am now 7 months pregnant, working full time and beyond tired, can't continue like this and want to be in a better place sleep-wise when new baby arrives. Considering controlled crying (we did this at 12 months, going in at 2,3,5 mins etc and it worked great, but went downhill quickly due to periods of teething, bugs and moving house - our fault really for not being consistent). However am concerned about the vomiting, as I know he will be sick as soon as he gets upset. Doctor has ruled out any illness, so I think the vomiting is something of a learned response and I will just have to ignore it, clean him up and persevere. But will it work? And is it an awful thing to do to him?

Partner does as much as I do to settle DS, definitely pulling his weight, and is not overly keen on CC at any age, but he can survive on less sleep than me! And he doesn't had any better solutions!

[ShiteCompany]

Appreciate all advice and will take on board, but really wonder how many of you telling me I'm an awful person have ever been so tired that you are hallucinating (out loud) on the train to work? Repeatedly fall over from tiredness because you trip up on your own foot! Burst into tears in client meetings as you can function? Get the shakes for hours on end? I'm talking a maximum of four hours a night at the moment.

[ShiteCompany]

wallace really appreciate the above, thank you

[WallaceWindsock]

Yes maybe consider a toddler bed. Mine went into one at that age. I wanted her to accept the move to a big bed before her brother was born. we would have had to have moved her at some point and I didn't want her to see her brother in a cot and associate him with a change to her bedtime as then the big bed would have been negative iyswim?

[WallaceWindsock]

My pleasure, I hope you've got some new ideas to try and have some luck over the next few weeks. Lack of sleep when pregnant is very tough so I do sympathise.

[Rooners]

I didn't tell you you were awful.

And yes I have been that tired. It comes with the territory imo.

[WallaceWindsock]

With night wakings, do the same as you do at bedtime - lay down near cot etc. you may find he initially wakes more, as a sort of test to see if you are there, come when he cries etc. ride it out, push through it and you should find that when he wakes he grizzles a bit and the settles himself until one day you wake up and find you haven't heard him in the night at all. Again, it's teaching him it's ok, you are there so that he learns to self settle.

[MurderOfGoths]

"You think an 18 month old is capable of learning to vomit on cue as a learned behaviour?"

DS has been doing this since he was about 17-18 months, he'll have a tantrum and make himself sick (you can hear him forcing himself to retch). It's unusual and annoying. He's learnt that being sick means instant attention. He's stopped doing it now since we've stopped reacting (not out of cruelty - I was in the midst of severe HG and physically couldn't go near him when he was being sick).

So yes, they can do it, it seems that not many do though. Just a few odd cases.

No real advice OP, while we ignored DS's vomiting it's not something I would recommend, hope you do find something that works though. Lack of sleep + pregnancy + vomiting 18mo is horrifically tough.

[ShiteCompany]

rooners no you didn't and thank you not! But I just can't accept that this comes with the territory, maybe you're a better person than me! I've had 18 months of utterly crap sleep, although this is the worst of it. Can't even drive anywhere at the moment as it's just not safe.

[uhOhOhDear]

I would co sleep too. He's obviously very distressed at bedtime and perhaps your stress and tiredness may be unintentionally worrying him more? To be fair, he can't help that you're tired from work and heavily pregnant.

[highlandbird]

When DS1 was almost two and I was seven months pregnant I decided to help him sleep in his own cot, co sleeping didn't work for us either as he kicked me all night and fell out a couple of times (really wriggly sleeper) he had developed separation anxiety and if I tried to leave him he would bang his head on the cot so we did gradual retreat....it took a few weeks between me and DH but it worked, he was reassured that we would ALWAYS come if he wanted us but that he had to stay in his own room, very gradual though and not a quick fix but he loves going in his bed now and sleeps 14 hours a night sometimes!!!
Fwiw we tried cc when he was about ten months and waking every 45 mins, it didn't work in the long term though and every time he went through a Developmental leap or was ill we were back to square one. GR seems to have been a much better long term solution as he seems more reassured, although I appreciate every child is different.
Good luck OP, it's awful being that tired, DS2 is now waking up every hour or two even though he's in bed with us and coffee is the only thing that (just about) gets me through the day. Have you spoken to your gp / hv for advice? Could you and your DP take it in turns to settle so have a full nights sleep every other night? Or could your DP sleep with him in another room (if you have a spare room).

[whatsagoodusername]

DS2 (now nearly 2) will do this, although not so quickly as yours. It does often involve cuddles from us to settle him, then laying him in his cot and rubbing his back (he likes this, even though he fights it sometimes!), until he is nearly asleep. Then a hand on his back, then just fingers, then just wait near the bed before withdrawing completely. He seems to have outgrown it now mostly, so hopefully it will be a phase that ends soon for you!

You have my sympathy, it's horrible when they do this!

[Rooners]

No, I'm certainly not a better person. I just take the path of least resistance, co sleep and sleep when they do and it works as well as anything can imo, for us anyway.

I don't have to go out to work atm though which must be fecking hard.

Once you turn it round and stop trying to make them sleep in their own cot, in their own room, whatever it is they object to, and just say right, fuck it, I'm going to do what MY child wants, even if the books/ my mum/ other people say it's 'wrong', you feel really liberated.

I hope you manage something. Do not fret though. Each time I've had another baby, my existing bed sharer has left within weeks for their own bed, due to babies 'wriggling and shouting too much'...

It will come
give him time xx

[ShiteCompany]

murder yes I didn't want to say for fear of being shouted at but DS is exactly the same! I can see him on monitor, on all fours, growling till he is sick, though I tend to rush in as soon as I hear the first sign of this! I'm not saying he is wrong to do this, he's only little, but it's very much something he is aware of

[whatsagoodusername]

And co-sleeping has never worked for us - the DC find it too exciting and bounce around instead of settling!

[LayMeDown]

I did something very similar to Wallace with all mine. Bring a nice duvet and pillow, so you can lie down and be comfy. Sometimes in the middle of the night, I'd fall asleep with them and have a lovely nap! Even used to happen at bedtime to after a particularly tough day. DH would come n and find me curled on the floor wrapped in my thermal throw, holding hands with baby thought the cot bars, both of us dead to world! I am sure there are photos somewhere!

[highlandbird]

Or just thought of another one, could your DH set up a camp bed in his room for a wee bit so that he knows there is someone else there? My DH did this sometimes and it really helped.

I really feel for you but personally I wouldn't do cc if he is so wound up that he's vomiting as you will just reinforce the anxiety that he is feeling (IMO, not an expert obviously!!) there are other options you just have to sit down together and decide what the best solution is for your family.
Good luck, I'll stop rambling now

[MurderOfGoths]

It is frustrating Shite, it will come to an end though. DS is only just 19mo and has stopped it, though he has a vomitting bug atm so I'm a little concerned that he'll remember that trick, in a way I prefer his headbutting walls/floors/furniture trick. I can deal with "scream - thud" better than "scream - retch".

[MinesAPintOfTea]

You aren't awful, but cc isn't working to help atm. I have an 18mo who had just gone through a bad sleeping patch, we used the gradual retreat method to get him sleeping again. So lying next to the cot stroking his hair, then not touching, then sitting by the wall across the room etc. Its a bit of a slog but it really works for us.

[ShiteCompany]

We had the head banging phase too! Do we have the same child??

[MurderOfGoths]

I think we might Does he pause in the middle of headbutting things to check you are looking at him?

[Rooners]

It sounds like he is making himself sick on purpose as he knows it makes you go to him.

I am worried about the sort of anxiety levels he might be experiencing to want to do this

I think you need to find an alternative to leaving him on his own x

[stopgap]

I would either do a toddler bed and in advance read him some books about going in a big boy bed, let him choose the covers etc. or try for gradual retreat. We did the latter when my son was fifteen months, and every time he cried I hugged him and sang to him (but did not pick him up). It was slow goingtwo weeks totalbut he soon got the message that being rocked to sleep could no longer happen. I developed a debilitating autoimmune condition at that time, was beyond exhausted, and co-sleeping was not the answer for us, as I sleep in an eye mask, ear plugs, and can still detect light and whispers from three streets away.

[Delilahlilah]

I do know what it is like. My ds2 is 3.9 and we have had sleep issues since he was 5 months. I had to leave my job in the end, he just doesn't require as much sleep as the rest of us! He stopped napping in the day at about 18months, not even half days in school made a difference. We also had the projectile vomiting, sometimes late at night. He still woke when co-sleeping. Absolute nightmare. Controlled crying would be the worst thing you could do. He was up hourly no matter what we did. We got him a toddler bed, when he was 1, and started his daytime naps in there (as long as they lasted!) He would also play in there, and he liked the fact he wasn't trapped in it like a cot. The throwing up stopped with getting rid of the cot. Does he like Thomas the tank or similar that do novelty beds. Make a big thing of choosing it. There are no miracle cures, but things get better.

[Lamu]

Is he walking? I'd only move him to a toddler bed if he is.

We had a nightmare with Dd at that age, we co-slept for as long as possible then went straight to a low single bed. She still gets up 2-3 times a night if she needs to and comes to our room but always goes back to her own bed. It was a massive turning point for us wrt sleep.