to think this is a bit rich. lost belongings

[popmusic84]

So dd accidentally left her coat at brownies. I probably should have noticed but didn't. Dh gave her a huge lecture about looking after belongins etc etc and made a big deal about not being able to afford a replacement. This was before we had checked with village hall whether it turned up. Fortunately it did. Also dh could afford to spend £250 on himself last month and another unnecessary £80 on children.
Obviously dd needed reminding that she needs to look after her belongings but given the circumstances I think dh was over the top.
AIBU

Yanukovych, sorry

Erm, YABU I mean!

Have I fallen into Russian mumsnet?

what's Yanukovych?

YABU really. Did you want him to tell her he could easily afford a replacement so it didn't matter?

YABU

your DH's circumstances are irrelevant. Your child still needs to be told she needs to look after her belongings. Has eff all to do with how much money he can afford to spend.

If he just wanted your DD to understand the value of things then YABU.

If he actually would have refused to replace her coat in the middle of November then YANBU!

Sounds like there are bigger issues at play here however I don't think it's fair to burden children with money worries but they do need to be aware that possessions don't just apppear.

On the fence here

The lesson was that DD is at the age when she should be responsible for her belongings.

What your Dh spent/didn't spend is not the issue.

Yabu, she needs to learn the value of items and being responsible. Even if he can afford it, that's not the point. Next time she'll probably be more careful.

at Russian mn

TBH I think you are at fault too op, sometimes kids forget things and its up to us to remind them (yes I know its their responsibility but we're talking reality here), specially if she's only brownies age

although I suspect this is really about dh spending on himself or whatever he feels like, then making a fuss about something else to give him the moral highground, which he feels is his right?

Perfectly reasonable to tell her that it is important to look after things. I had already done the same. It was just the we can't afford it bit that didn't sit right. Especially as at that stage I was still confident we would get it back. If the coat was definitely lost than dd should have had to pay from pocket money so just felt no need to mention it.

Tbh I do feel partly responsible but pick ups with a baby in tow are normally quite rushed affairs. She is 8.

oh this is so not just about a coat!

I'm really not seeing the problem.

YABU

Surely we've all had the same lecture at some point in our lives from our own parents?

It won't kill her...just move on.

You probably have a point thebody

nor me

Ok so I am being oversensitive. Just though no need to mention money side as coat wasn't even definately lost.

But why are you so concerned that he did decide to mention the money side at that stage?

And what does it have to do with how much money your DH spends?

It still boils down to the same thing...that coats cost money and your DD needs to be responsible for hers.

DSD recently left her coat at brownies. It was then taken home by someone else. We had the same conversation about money, the whole thing.

I didn't even consider that it would be unreasonable to do so - at 8 they should be able to keep track and should be taught that things don't magically appear.

I think it's about more than a coat too x

YABU. The lecture sounds perfectly appropriate.

Well, DH saying DD needs to be careful with her things is entirely reasonable. Him telling her the family can't afford to replace it is a lie- from what you say about spending, OP.
Also seems like fuss about nothing when you don't know if the coat is actually lost.
And, will probably be put down as bu myself but I feel if you collect your 8 year old and they come home without something obvious like a coat it is at least partly your fault.

When DD wanted a camera, DH gave her a long lecture all about "well what if you broke it or lost it" etc.

I had to remind him that he has broken and lost so many cameras that he only has to walk past a camera shop and they all start crying.

Ditto when he had a go at them for marking the wallpaper. I had to draw his attention to the black marks where he throws his briefcase down against the wall EVERY night and every night it makes a new black mark and I have been asking him not to do it for 10 years.

And I have a moan at the DCs if they swear and am reminded that . . . erm . . . I swear too. Quite a bit in fact.

Tis human nature to tell others off whilst overlooking our own faults, I am afraid.