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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel hard done by in the tummy department

29 replies

tummybummer · 13/11/2013 23:49

Since having my DD (now 4) my tummy has been a complete disaster zone.

I had a big bump with her and got stretch marks, which I expected, but I did not expect to look like a grandmother forever more. I am 25. My tummy is wrinkled and saggy. I have lost nearly all of the baby weight (bar a few lbs) so nothing to report there. My tummy skin is as thin as paper and looks all doughy and weird.

I thought this was normal after having a baby, but went to the pool today and there were lots of mums, many with children younger than my DD, whose tummies look perfectly normal (stretchmarks or whatever aside, but they are smooth not like my wrinkly, saggy belly). My friend also once saw my tummy by accident and looked visibly shocked - she has a DD the same age and her tummy is normal.

I am ok with my post pregnancy body in nearly every way. I will never be the same shape - I have hips and thighs now despite being nearly the same weight. I have saggier boobs, strechmarks etc - all fine. So worth it for my DD.

But I am feeling hard done by and upset by my horrible, saggy stomach.

OP posts:
LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance · 14/11/2013 00:01

I'm sorry to say it but without a tummy tuck, you're stuck with it.

After my 10lb baby I dieted and exercised like mad. Nothing helped the Austrian blinds skin on my tummy though. If anything, it was worse when I was at my thinnest.

You'll get people poo-poohing your feelings about it but I remember that shocked look that you describe your friend giving you. They think you're exaggerating when you talk about it. I managed to shut a table full of mummy friends up one drunken night when they all told me it was all in my head. I got my tummy out and they shut up then. (It wa s in a house not public)

I have lived with it for the last 20 years but I'm having a tummy tuck in July. I waited this long for medical reasons. 2 women I know didn't wait and have been delighted with the results of their ops for yeara.

AngryFeet · 14/11/2013 00:13

Yep tummy tuck or pork on some pounds. Only options im afraid. I went for the latter. The bonus was big boobs too Wink

LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance · 14/11/2013 00:15

Sadly my boobs are the last place any weight goes on me AF (ooOO??)

Original poster
tummybummer · 14/11/2013 00:18

How much does a tummy tuck cost?

Do you have a general anaesthetic? (probably I guess)

OP posts:
LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance · 14/11/2013 00:23

I've just had a hysterectomy with a spinal anaesthetic and complete sedation - it was like being asleep. I will have a TT with the same anaesthetic. I don't know yet how much it costs because I'm going to get fit before I have my consultation. I imagine about 7K though.

It has risks and needs to be very carefully considered. Your tummy won't be perfect afterwards. I don't need perfect. I just want to wear an ordinary pair of pants.

SaggyOldClothCatPuss · 14/11/2013 01:01

Mine is worse! Stretch marks to my bra and an apron which almost hides my knickers! It's horrible, isn't it! Sadly I wont be affording a tummy tuck any time soon! Sad I say go for it!

Bingdweller · 14/11/2013 06:08

Depends where you live re cost. In a reputable private hospital with excellent surgeons in my area (all BAAPS members, NHS consultants), it costs £5.5k.

Normalisavariantofcrazy · 14/11/2013 07:35

Id rather be slim and have a crepey stomach like you than large and have the 'apron' of fat like me!!

fluffyraggies · 14/11/2013 07:46

All the diet and exercise in the world cant mend over stretched skin :(

It only has so much elasticity in it, before the tissue breaks down, so to speak.

No idea why some women's tummies fair worse than others, unless it is literally down to how big they got when preg. Or possibly how big they were for how long?? Maybe stretchy 'ping back' skin is genetic, to some extent.

Anyway - if you can afford a tummy tuck, then go for it. Our culture's attitude to women's bodies post child birth sadly isn't going to change anytime soon.

GrandstandingBlueTit · 14/11/2013 07:47

After two mahoosive pregnancy tummies, my middle is ruined forever.

I am slim, but have a very crepey tummy that isn't going anywhere. I'm 39 and resigned to never wearing a bikini ever again. I'm fine with that, but would be gutted if I was 25, so much sympathy to you.

I'm afraid I agree, that surgery is probably your only option, if you hate it that much.

CbeebiesIsMyLife · 14/11/2013 08:05

I'm pregnant after a 10lber my tummy also looks like the linked pictures :( it doesn't look so bad now I'm pregnant (14 weeks) but I don't want to look like a pg woman forever.
I'm never going to be able to afford a tummy tuck.

I'm 26 and find it very hard too :(

TortillasAndChocolate · 14/11/2013 08:12

I know someone who had a tummy like this after she had her twins. She had a tummy tuck a few years later on the NHS. I'll ask her why it was NHS funded.

do you know if you are planning any more children?

NutcrackerFairy · 14/11/2013 08:15

Reading this thread with interest

I don't have the crepey skin thank god... but DS2 is now 2.5 yrs old and I still look about 4 months pregnant Sad

It was worse prior to regularly attending pilates classes. DS2 was around 2 years old and I still have people asking when my baby was due.

I have seen my GP and she said I have abdominal muscle separation, about 2 - 3 fingers width I think. She said abdominoplasty was my only option and very unlikely to be approved for treatment on the NHS.

I am thinking about conceiving number 3 and so am currently waiting until a third pregnancy [fingers crossed!] will do it's worst to my body and simultaneously trying to save some money for op later... I am in London, does anyone have a ball park figure how much it might cost? I am thinking £7k to £10k which is Shock!

valiumredhead · 14/11/2013 08:16

My friend had a tummy like the ones in the images and got fantastic results with a cross trainer. I wouldn't be in a hurry to get a tummy tuck, it's a major operation and recovery time can be lengthy.

The sooner women accept bodies change after child birth the better imo, of COURSE your body will be different after having a huge bump. Don't be so hard on yourself OP x

Chrysanthemum5 · 14/11/2013 08:19

I've had two large babies, and although my bump both times was the right size for the number of weeks it was huge for me becuase I'm naturally pretty small. So, I think my skin simply became over stretched. It's never really gone back to how it was before. It looks better if I'm a bit bigger in the tummy area, but then my clothes look odd as I'm still my normal size everywhere else.

I'm a lot older than you which is probably why I don't really care. I wear a bikini on holiday as I've realised that no-one is looking at me, they are all too busy having a nice time on holiday!

I would think very carefully about having surgery though. It's expensive, and like all surgery it has risks and potential side-effects.

fluffyraggies · 14/11/2013 08:24

In the past, apparently, if you were very obese, and then, through doc's advice, managed to loose your excess weight, you were entitled to treatment on the NHS to remove excess skin. Sadly i believe this is no longer the case. Which is very sad, i think. Folk are working hard to loose their weight and get fit - but are being left with large quantities of unsightly skin hanging, and without the means to get it fixed.

I am not surprised that if the NHS is no longer funding cosmetic op's for these folk, then they are also no longer funding op's for post birth tums :(

Prawntoast · 14/11/2013 08:25

I think it's due to how much collagen you have in your skin so it's genetic. Unfortunately all the toning exercise and creams won't make much of a difference. The vast majority of women don't snap back after pregnancy, I suspect most celebs book their tummy tuck at the same time as they book their c-section.
Don't be too hard on yourself, you've grown another human being in your body, that's amazing. I look at my DD, now nearly 13 and think "wow I did that".

Rummikub · 14/11/2013 08:39

I liked looking at those pictures. It's all so normal. And I agree with prawntoast, it does seem to be genetic. Some mums I know don't have any pregnancy stretch marks.

MedusaIsHavingaBadHairday · 14/11/2013 08:55

I look like I have rail tracks laid round my navel in concentric circles Sad
I'm slim.. still as 10 after 4 children but the stretch marks are dreadful and no amount of oiling etc made any difference. I think it is just genetic luck whether your skin can spring back.

I don't think I'd leap to surgery if you are planning more babies, but after that..if you can afford it..why not?! I have become accustomed to mine now.. (and I'm a lot older) but if someone could magically improve it I'd still say yes please!!

Original poster
tummybummer · 14/11/2013 09:54

I don't really have the money for surgery - it was a hypothetical 'one day' thought, and to be honest I don't feel that I'm necessarily 'done' having children either so it wouldn't be wise right now. Plus of course I have a DD to look after and so putting myself through 'unnecessary' surgery would be a big deal.

Thanks for making me feel a bit more normal. It does seem like the slimmer I get the worse it looks (and my boobs) which is a bit rubbish as my face looks wrong when I carry extra weight so I can't win!

OP posts:
meddie · 14/11/2013 10:07

I was left with crepey saggy skin post massive baby at the age of 21. I totally understand how you feel. It ruined my confidence for years. Only now I am in my fourties have I got used to it.
Its more common than we realise i think

grimbletart · 14/11/2013 11:03

I'm sure it is just genetic luck and down to the type of skin. I didn't have stretch marks at all and wondered why. But since, I've noticed that any accident I have had - cut, burn and also two ops on my knees - heal really quickly and the scars are so minimal you can hardly see them. So I'm sure it's how stretchy or pingy your skin is.

And in case you think this is a boast, on the other hand I have horrendous cellulite on the thighs!

Some you win, some you lose Grin

fatlazymummy · 14/11/2013 11:27

I would advise you to carry on with the exercise - things like crunches, planks, anything that works the core.It can take years. I have had 3 children, was 5 stones overweight (mostly on the front) and have been working on my body for over 2 years.
Would I wear a bikini? No, at least not a low cut one. Do I see a significant improvement? Definitely.
If I was richer and vainer I would go for a tummy tuck, but I'm not.

Awkwardsis · 14/11/2013 11:35

My tummy is the worst amoung my friends too. Totally genetic I think as both my mum and her mum too were similar. I did pack on weight when pregnant but even as a skinny size 8 after dc2 my tummy was loose and wobbly. The worst thing for me is that its actually comfortable to sleep. I'm only a size 12 but when I lie in my side my tummy lies next to me. Its really very depressing.

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