To not really get what's wrong with saying 'the twins'?

[okthen]

I have several friends with twins. I'm always at pains to avoid saying 'the twins' as I have heard it is a no-no, stops them from feeling like individuals etc.

But it seems stilted to say 'x and x', instead of 'the twins'- when that is what they are: twins. If a friend has 2 or 3 kids of different ages (or indeed if I'm talking about my two) I'll say 'the kids' if talking about them collectively, not name them individually. If a friend has two boys I'll say 'the boys' etc.

And when we were growing up we were 'the children', or 'the big ones' and 'the little ones' (four kids with big-ish gap between two oldest and two youngest). It certainly never made me feel like I had no individuality! But then I suppose I wasn't up against the other issues/attitudes twins face. I always thought it would be rather lovely to be one of 'the twins' in our own little unit, though...

Am genuinely interested to hear from twins or parents of twins, as to whether/why 'the twins' bothers them. I'm never sure whether, actually, my friends wouldn't give a stuff if I said it- maybe I should ask

We always say DT2, DT1. The other way round doesn't sound right. When I write cards I always swap it so DT1 goes first.

But DT1 doesn't see that you've put him first, because you're sending them to other people. I'm really not trying to be inflammatory but don't you think that DT1 might be just a bit annoyed by always being second?

Surely the reason it doesn't sound right the other way round is because by your own admission you never do it.

Sorry, I hope I'm not upsetting you, I'd rather be one of "the twins" than be the second rated one.

it depends on the context. I'm a twin and dont mind a lot of it but my dm would say the twins said or the twins think etc. drove us mad. we are seperate people with our own tastes feelings opinions etc. yes we are twins but we are also people in our own right.- ranr over

of course I meant rant!

I have boy/girl twins and do refer to them as the twins. They are so different from each other - one masses of dark hair, the other much less fair hair - that unless I refer to them as 'the twins' it is not a natural assumption which would be made and their twin-ness is as much a part of who they are as their individuality is. I also have two older children, another boy and girl, so frequently refer to the group as the collective 'kids'.

It's down to personal preference and particularly with people I know who have id twins, I've found they are equally as offended by referring to their children as twins as if you call them 'the girls/boys'. They go to great pains to highlight that they are individual people.

However I am quite proud of my twins and their twin-ness.

It doesn't bother me, but the dts are too young to tell me if they mind. However they are as different as it gets and non identical.

Mylovelyboy I disagree that children aren't bothered. They may not say that they are bothered but that is a different thing. Quite a lot of twins feel very strongly about this, particularly as they get older and are able to think about it more, and do not like being referred to as "the twins". It can be very damaging for example when teachers refer to the twins rather than identifying them as individuals with separate interests and strengths.

PersilOrAriel

I think that might be over thinking it a bit!

I am an identical twin and always minded people saying 'The Twins' it sounds like we were just 1 person/personality, rather than 2 distinct individuals.

lovelyboy. "Just the parents being silly"

Really? a whole thread of people politely explaining why they don't like it, including a number of adult twins and that's your response?

Really quite rude.

I bet some of her best friends are twins Hexbug

I rarely refer to my twins as "the twins". They are still babies and b/g so less of an issue probably in the long run, partic as dd is going to be a little elfin poppet and DS is built on somewhat more robust lines! I reckon in a couple of years they will look like siblings rather than twins.

But it does irk me when people assume they are the same. They're individuals! They just happened to be born at the same time.

My neighbour has triplets my son's age. I never refer to them as anything other than "the triplets" because they are completely indistinguishable from one another (they also have long names which makes for a mouthful). I have three (singleton) children and wouldn't bat an eye if someone referred to them as "the kids" or "the children" or "the 'MacaYoniAndCheeseKids" when referring to them collectively in the context of neighbour-chat. It would be silly and precious to be mulish about having them only referred to by name in order to 'preserve their identity as individuals'. If you want to do that, you should go and live in the Back-of-Beyond. Humans refer to each other in the collective shorthand. Deal with it.

because they are completely indistinguishable Maca, this is the bit that's offensive. You're going to need to distinguish them and learn to treat them as individuals.

LadyBeagle without a doubt.

The only people I can think of who call my two 'the twins' are some members of DH's family, and I hate it!
We call them 'the boys' or by their names if we're talking about them. Being twins isn't the defining thing about them.

PersilorAriel - it's not order of preference! He's not second rate at all.

My phone once autocorrected the word twins to twits!

I text my dh that I was round the twits house...

I had no idea that "the twins" was slang for breasts.

This explains some very odd comments on Facebook during a status about Jedward from an American man who (I thought) kept talking about some baseball team called "the twins". It all makes terrible sense now

FSRM they are completely identical (to look at)! And I didn't say they were particular friends of my children; otherwise I might make more of an effort. It's awkward though, when we meet them face-to-face (they go to the same school as my DC), as I have to dance around the fact that I don't know which one is which .

Oh my lord what a minefield.

I'm not going to be referring to anyone, as anything, anymore.

Much safer.

my mum and aunt are identical twins and all their life they have been called twin as people geniunely can't tell them apart, as children we would sometimes get them confused, it has never bothered either of them

I was thinking about this issue earlier when watching the new CBeebies series of Topsy & Tim in which they are frequently referred to as twins or nicknames based on their twinness. I was quite surprised given the number of times I've heard that you should never refer to twins as twins.

I love being called a twin. It describes me perfectly. Some people are too precious.

Honk at Snuffy-Bunnies!