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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not really get what's wrong with saying 'the twins'?

124 replies

okthen · 12/11/2013 19:46

I have several friends with twins. I'm always at pains to avoid saying 'the twins' as I have heard it is a no-no, stops them from feeling like individuals etc.

But it seems stilted to say 'x and x', instead of 'the twins'- when that is what they are: twins. If a friend has 2 or 3 kids of different ages (or indeed if I'm talking about my two) I'll say 'the kids' if talking about them collectively, not name them individually. If a friend has two boys I'll say 'the boys' etc.

And when we were growing up we were 'the children', or 'the big ones' and 'the little ones' (four kids with big-ish gap between two oldest and two youngest). It certainly never made me feel like I had no individuality! But then I suppose I wasn't up against the other issues/attitudes twins face. I always thought it would be rather lovely to be one of 'the twins' in our own little unit, though...

Am genuinely interested to hear from twins or parents of twins, as to whether/why 'the twins' bothers them. I'm never sure whether, actually, my friends wouldn't give a stuff if I said it- maybe I should ask

OP posts:

Original poster

okthen · 12/11/2013 20:13

Youngbritish-
Now that's just wrong.

Ew (sort of related) just remembered a friend who used to say 'just going to drop the kids off at the pool' when they were going to the loo...

OP posts:

Mylovelyboy · 12/11/2013 20:13

Its no different to saying 'how are the kids' or 'how are the children'. Cant see the issue to be honest. I think its the parents being all silly.

NoComet · 12/11/2013 20:14

DF doesn't like her twins being referred to as the 'Twins', so they are always referred to by their first initials (they have long names).

Not sure why asking DD if A&B were at guides tonight is any different to 'did you see the twins', but DD assures me it is.

Not sure the twins themselves care, they are teens and lovely.

PersilOrAriel · 12/11/2013 20:14

I have a friend with twins and she refuses to say "the twins" when talking about them, she always says "Bob and Ben" (not real names).

But I get wound up by that because it is always, always "Bob and Ben" and never "Ben and Bob". If I were Bob I'd feel pretty cross at always seeming to be second fiddle.

saintmerryweather · 12/11/2013 20:19

i am a twin and hated being referred to.as 'the twins'. the kids is fine since that always involved the older sister too, but often it would be 'X and the twins'

if the parent says it then follow their lead otherwise i would avoid it

lljkk · 12/11/2013 20:21

Lots of twins in my family, so I grew up hearing it lots & nobody seemed to mind. I think it's fine if used in context & in proportion. More often people will say "the girls" or "the older boys."

IamGluezilla · 12/11/2013 20:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Evasmummy11 · 12/11/2013 20:24

I'm an identical twin. Although it's been amazing having someone to share everything with, we've always been 'the twins' and I've found that title allows people to compare you both and questions always followed like could we read each others minds, whereas 'the girls' was a lot more normal and less 'freak show' :)

Callofthewild · 12/11/2013 20:26

I have newborn twins and would hate for them to be referred to as "the twins" as they grow up. As mentioned up thread they are two individual people not a single entity.

TheFutureSupremeRulersMum · 12/11/2013 20:29

As a twin, I hate being referred to as "the twins" or "the twinnies". I am my own person, not one half of a whole. It's great being a twin but I want people to see me and treat me as an individual.

WooWooOwl · 12/11/2013 20:29

The parents of twins I know use the phrase 'the twins' almost like a badge of honour. It doesn't seem to be taken negatively when talking to the mothers, but it is common sense to avoid referring to the two individuals as twins when you are in their presence.

lljkk · 12/11/2013 20:30

Who else loves the twin line in The Social Network?
(paraphrasing, "Of course we can bully him and beat him up.")
"I'm 6'5”, 220 pounds, and there are two of me."

cruxible · 12/11/2013 20:32

I would NEVER refer to my two as the twins, it really makes my skin crawl and I can't quite work out why I feel so cringey about it.

They, on the other hand, don't seem to be bothered when others refer to them as such, while I am biting my tounge to stop myself snapping "they are NOT the twins"

Mylovelyboy · 12/11/2013 20:32

I think twins do of course grow up knowing they are individual people. I think people are making too much out of this. Its like saying 'the boys' or 'the girls'. Dont think the kids bat an eyelid.

MrsWolowitz · 12/11/2013 20:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cruxible · 12/11/2013 20:33

And I am hugely proud of having twins and pleased (and ofen horribly smug), but still . . 'the twins' . . . ick

idiuntno57 · 12/11/2013 20:34

you wouldn't call a child 'the singleton' would you?

that's why

NoArmaniNoPunani · 12/11/2013 20:35

I thought this post was going to be about pet names for breasts.

pianodoodle · 12/11/2013 20:36

I never thought there was anything wrong with saying "the twins".

We have adult twins in our family and it doesn't bother them.

Mylovelyboy · 12/11/2013 20:37

I think calling twins...........'the twins' is very offensive and could damage them emotionally

chutneypig · 12/11/2013 20:38

I frequently refer to my two as the twins, but not usually in their earshot. Mostly at work, tbh, instead of the kids or the children. Rarely at school. Not something I over think and it certainly doesn't bother me to hear others refer to them as the twins. That said a casual observer wouldn't think they're even related, possibly more of an issue for same sex twins. I don't think my father, also a twin, has ever expressed an opinion one way or the other. Might ask them in the morning though.

RedPencils · 12/11/2013 20:39

But I get wound up by that because it is always, always "Bob and Ben" and never "Ben and Bob". If I were Bob I'd feel pretty cross at always seeming to be second fiddle.
We always say DT2, DT1. The other way round doesn't sound right. When I write cards I always swap it so DT1 goes first.

I've never called them 'the twins' and it bugs me when other people do. It's usually in the context of lumping them together 'do the twins want a drink', 'how are the twins getting on at school', 'do the twins like football'.

17leftfeet · 12/11/2013 20:41

I'm a twin, also have an older sister lets call her 'flossie'

Never had a problem with people saying 'how are the children?'

Had a massive issue with people saying 'how are flossie and the twins' gah!
How come she gets her name used and we don't

We also used to get birthday cards to 'the twins' -1 to share!

It's not all its cracked up to be being a twin

chrome100 · 12/11/2013 20:43

Well I'm an (identical) twin and I never minded being referred to as "the twins" - why on earth would it bother me? Life is far too short.

butterfliesinmytummy · 12/11/2013 20:44

I have two dds with a 4 year age gap. When people ask after them, it's always "how are the girls doing?" or "would the girls like a drink?". Same as my sister and I were referred to when we were younger (and we have a 2 year age gap).

Not offended and don't understand this thread.

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