to be shocked by this little girl

[runningbutnotfastenough]

Picked DD up from school yesterday, only to be confronted by one of DDs' friends' ( i say friend, i mean it in the loosest sense of the word, they are both 7)
she marched up to me and said ' runniing, could i have a word with you in private please' I had DD with me, and her friend who was coming round for tea. I told her no, i couldnt talk to her in private as there was nowhere private, she said ' i want to talk to you about your DDs behaviour, she was mean to me today'
i asked her what had happened and got a garbled thing which made no sense, so i asked if the school had sorted it out at the time, she said yes, so i said ' great, lets leave it at that then'

Questionned DD and the friend in the car, apparently this girl told a dinner lady my DD had said sometihng she hadnt, another friend had backed my DD up and so this girl ( the one that had a word with me) had got told off.

Im just utterly shocked that a 7 year old would come over and speak to me like that.... and would think i would take her ' side' over hers.

Yep - fair enough :) You do have to admit though it is quite amusing - honestly, you could be describing DD's best friend, right little miss hoity toity pants, but she is quite sweet when you get to know her. She IS insecure and does get her knickers in a twist if DD doesn't want to play with her and is bossy with other kids etc, sadly they are voting wth their feet and i think she is pretty lonely. Her behaviour reflects both her upbringing and the fact she feels quite insecure with life i think.

Children with Aspergers don't usually make stuff up to get others into trouble - not in my experience.

Speaking to an adult isn't rude - of course it isn't. Speaking to an adult with an air of superiority is.

And 7 year olds are usually very aware of right and wrong so long as their parents have bothered to teach them some manners.

LEM you may laugh at little madam being construed as being sexist but sadly for girls there is a trend for quietness and shyness to be valued and girls who are confident to be shot down as 'obnoxious' and. 'Madams.' It's much the same when girls reach adulthood and confident behaviour is defined as being a bitch or a battle axe.

Fwiw, I have boys but if I had girls I'd be seriously fucking worried at the attitudes on here

Nah, a tell tale is exactly that, one that just can't wait to report any silly little thing.
Generally they are the one with the big gob & an air of self importance.

Harshly encouraging bullying by telling a child not to tell silly tales.

Perhaps her behaviour does reflect her insecurity but it doesn't necessarily reflect her upbringing....we do everything we can to let DC know that sometimes the behaviour we see is not acceptable...especially when telling people what to do...we tell and we tell and we tell..and it never goes in. TBH, going by what some people on this thread think I cringe thinking what the teachers and parents at my DC's school must think of me.

I know some lovely 7 year old girls who are confident and pleasant. I know some who are over-confident and arrogant. I know some who are shy.

joni - im a feminist. shut up :)

I hate this idea that children should just accept whatever 'resolution' an adult conjures up even if they feel it is unfair. As adults we are told to ask to speak to the manager in a shop if we get no satisfactory response from sales assistant. If manager is a chocolate teapot we go above them until we get a response we are happy with. Why do we teach our children to just accept the first response from the first adult they tell even if they dont think it's right?

Children can't distinguish between stories they shouldn't tell (minor indescrections that will fuck the parents of the child off who did something wrong) and an adult who is sexually abusing them. I don't get how people with their own children can't see that

If you are a feminist just pray this girl will grow up into a woman who knows her own value and who can assert herself in the workplace

Yes they can. Wtf has sexual abuse to do with this? I'd imagine a child that has been abused will have been groomed and manipulated.

This is quite amusing, but some 7 year olds adopt the same turn-of-phrase they have heard from adults, and this was her version of asserting herself.

The very fact that she did this (as you say: ".. that she would think I would take her side") demonstrates neatly the fact that she's just a little girl who is learning appropriate social skills.

I also worry about the attitudes here towards girls.

I agree with

YouTheCat

And they are all learning. How they behave at 7 isn'y what they are

Joni - I think that's a little OTT isn't it? It is possible to teach children the difference between standing up for themselves over nothing and standing up for themselves over someone hurting them (good secrets and bad secrets?)

isn't

You would think children could distinguish these things, but being children, they often can't. This is why so many children who could get help, don't.

The issue of abuse arose because of a comment about telling tales. The same principle applies to bullying which affects the mental well being of children. This is why some kids are killing themselves,

I agree with Joni, I don't think she was being rude. She asked to speak to you, politely, about something, in private.

I think it's pretty funny and I like the fact she's confident.

I used to get cross, as dd1, now 22 often had references to her being 'bossy' or 'argumentative'. Well actually she was just sticking up for herself and being heard. They wouldn't have talked about boys in that way.

joni - i think you are really going way over the top with this.

and yes, sure, they are all learning, but god, DD knows you dont do things like this girl did. and if she did i would be mortified.

I have this all the time. I've been guilty of sending my DS to tell another parent that their child scratched him before, though.

Its the overall message filtering through though. If a child has been groomed and manipulated for sexual abuse then it is all the more important that they believe they are allowed to tell someone else. And they gain that belief by being 'allowed' to tell adults about other issues (like spats between friends). I a child is always told they should just accept the resolution and never question it then they will find it very hard to summon the courage to speak out when it really does matter.

running

Then you'll be getting mortified a lot because one of yours is sure to do something terrible at some point or another. Don't personalise it so much

joni - again, my DD isnt bullying anyone, you have taken the first post and made it something that it totally isnt. There was never any mention of bullying, DD hasnt been accused of bullying.

What did happen was this girl went a told a dinner lady that my DD had said to the girl she was playing with, not to listen to her.

DD was told off ( quite why that warrants telling on or indeed telling off is past me...) There was another girl nearby who stepped in and said DD hadnt said anything like that at all. This girl got asked if that was true, she admitted it and then got told off for lying and trying to get someone in trouble.

its all pathetic and silly playground stuff, and somehow you have decided its about sexism and sexual abuse.

I agree, I can't see how she was rude. She asked to speak to you in private, she said please. This is a child you know well. i am raising my daughters to asert themselves. Dd3 who is 6 has a very good vocabulary and often uses phrases that dh or I or her older sisters would. It does sound quite funny but its not her fault that she's listened and been listened too.
The Victorian attitude of children being seen and not heard is dreadful. We should be encouraging our dcs to think of adults as ready to listen and answer.

I know what is rude though - dissing your friend's child and her parenting on a website because the child had the temerity to ask to speak to you. That really sucks.

I have probably derailed this a bit but to be honest I feel really strongly about children being told not to tell tales. Children should feel confident enough to tell adults everything. The vast majority of this will be trivial or even made up (they are kids after all) but there is always the chance they may be wanting to tell you about damaging behaviour.

I also really dislike the bossy madam label you want to give this girl.