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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DH shouldn't unlock the bathroom door from the outside and come in when I am on the toilet?

94 replies

Bloob · 09/11/2013 20:01

I was on the toilet - had been for about 2 minutes. I wasn't taking an age or anything!

DH had just taken out the food recycling and declared he needed to wash his hands (from the outside) I said I wasn't feeling awfully well but would be out in a second (upset stomach) so could he please use the upstairs bathroom or the kitchen sink. He said no he needed to wash his hands and after a minute arguing back and forth unlocked the door from the outside, barged his way in and washed his hands. Then left without saying a word.

I'm actually fucking speechless. AIBU?

OP posts:
CrapBag · 09/11/2013 20:39

I also asked DH, he looked really confused and not impressed.

I also think there is lots more things like this from the "I don't know if he has form for it. Not really". Sad

MatryoshkaDoll · 09/11/2013 20:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AwkwardSquad · 09/11/2013 20:41

Wow. YADNBU. That's really horrible behaviour. 'Disrespectful' doesn't even begin to cover it. Does he disregard boundaries in other ways, OP?

FreeWee · 09/11/2013 20:42

Yadnbu Sounds like he wanted to prove a point if there were plenty of other options and he forced this one. If he had to get car keys to open the door then he probably went further than it would have been to the kitchen sink. Very odd behaviour.

CoffeeChocolateWine · 09/11/2013 20:43

Wow. Just wow. Disrespectful, rude and total invasion of privacy.

I have to admit that in our house we rarely use the lock on our bathroom/toilet door and I know people have will feel differently, but in general we really don't mind people walking in and out when we're on the toilet. But for a number 2 - and my god, especially if I had an upset tummy - I would obviously lock the door. And if my DH dared try to get in or even suggested that I let him in, I'd be seriously pissed off. But to actually go and get car keys to unlock the door from the outside?? That must have been more effort that going to the kitchen sink, surely?

I don't get it...I would be thinking what the hell is he playing at? There's some kind of power game he's playing...to disrespect and humiliate you like that.

RandomMess · 09/11/2013 20:43

I wonder what else he is a selfish domineering arse about that you haven't yet realised?

Original poster
Bloob · 09/11/2013 20:45

We've been together 6 years.

Never anything like this before. Genuinely. I think on the whole we have a pretty good relationship. Sometimes he can be a bit of a steam roller in his opinions. And he is pretty stubborn. But never over anything like this or anything serious.

That's why I'm so shocked. I actually feel hugely upset.

He has now apologised. Though I feel that was mainly to make me stop talking about it rather than a genuine realisation he was wrong.

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 09/11/2013 20:45

It is incredibly disrespectful - you have no privacy or rights even at the very basic level.

sheldor · 09/11/2013 20:47

Sadly there probaly is more to this and this is ops light bulb moment.I hope your ok op

Topseyt · 09/11/2013 20:48

I'd make him sleep on the sofa tonight. I would not want to share a bed with anyone who disrespected me in that way. I am not surprised you are so upset.

NaturalBaby · 09/11/2013 20:52

''Don't you ever (insert optional swear word) do that to me again''
I'd be fuming, and ranting and raving for at least 12hrs to ensure he gets the message.

OutragedFromLeeds · 09/11/2013 20:52

I'd get him to go and see a doctor then. That is not normal behaviour.

Joysmum · 09/11/2013 20:52

Even if there weren't any other sinks I'd be pissed off, the fact that there were other places to wash his hands would make me damn right livid.

Flibbertyjibbet · 09/11/2013 20:53

He can be a steamroller and he is stubborn.
And he does something like this and doesn't seem to think an apology is necessary?

Normal rational people don't do what he just did.

TicTocCroc · 09/11/2013 20:54

This isn't right, my darling.

My DD's (5 and 3) shout at me to get out of the bathroom and not look when they're using it and I do. Because I respect them.

There's something wrong here, sorry, and I wouldn't accept that apology. No way.

Original poster
Bloob · 09/11/2013 20:55

I'm going for a bath to try and feel better. Will check back later :)

Some of these suggestions are making me Grin so thanks for that!

Re the car keys: they were right behind him in a bowl so closer than kitchen. He says kitchen sink was full of dishes so that's why he didn't use that one. Has no answer for why he didn't use the bathroom one.

OP posts:
Flibbertyjibbet · 09/11/2013 20:59

Lock the bathroom door and put a chair under the door.

Flibbertyjibbet · 09/11/2013 20:59

Sorry under the handle...

CrapBag · 09/11/2013 21:01

So he was clearly very desperate to wash his hands, but he didn't mind getting his car keys dirty with his dirty hands did he.

The bit about being stubborn and steamrollering, he just didn't like it that you said he couldn't do something that he wanted to do, so he did it anyway. Would hate it even more if this was something other than the locked door!

Tic makes a good point, if DS wants to go to the toilet in peace, I let him because I respect his right to privacy, your DH does not respect yours.

Put a hand sanitizer in the car keys bowl and tell him he can use that the next time he is clearly so desperate to wash his hands and that he is never to disrespect you like that again.

manticlimactic · 09/11/2013 21:02

Just get one of those locks you screw on to the inside of the door,

TicTocCroc · 09/11/2013 21:07

I don't understand all of the 'practical' suggestions on here about making the door more secure.

If one partner asks another to give them some privacy, that should be enough. If you need reinforcements, there's a problem.

If you think the issue is lack of reinforcements then YOU have a problem.

Ememem84 · 09/11/2013 21:07

Dh unlocked door on me once. Revenge was this. Waited until he was in the shower. Turned light off (switch is outside). Unlocked door. Threw jug of ice/v cold water at him.

He hasn't unlocked the door again.

TicTocCroc · 09/11/2013 21:09

"Flibbertyjibbet Sat 09-Nov-13 20:59:33
Lock the bathroom door and put a chair under the door."

I'm sorry, but WHAT the actual FUCK?

So you're at home, rush to the toilet as you have an upset tummy, but have to make sure you grab a chair to take with you to barricade the door in case the MAN YOU MARRIED demands to wash his hands when he could do it elsewhere.

What is going on with this place at the moment?

OutragedFromLeeds · 09/11/2013 21:12

Totally agree with Tic.

The problem is not the lock.

The problem is the pillock who went to get a car key to open it from outside after she told him to go away.

heartlessbitchface · 09/11/2013 21:12

I'd consider putting a chair under the door whilst he was inside, though :)

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