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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I don't think I will go to my sisters wedding

81 replies

namechnge404 · 09/11/2013 19:24

My sister is getting married next year and I don't think I want to go. I don't really get on well with my family. I am blatantly excluded from nearly everything they do. My other sisters are bridesmaids and my brothers are ushers but I haven't been asked to be part of it at all. Any time there is a family event i feel like shit.

Basically I'm asking AIBU if i just said thanks but no thanks and just avoided the day. To be honest I really don't think I would be missed or that anybody would care.

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 09/11/2013 19:24

Not at all. I cant imagine why on earth you would put yourself out for them.

CaptainSweatPants · 09/11/2013 19:26

:(
that sounds so sad

Could you ring her & ask why you're the only one not asked to be a bridesmaid?
Are you the only sibling with kids, live a distance away or something ?

ajandjjmum · 09/11/2013 19:26

If you are excluded so obviously, I wouldn't go either.

RandomMess · 09/11/2013 19:27

If you don't want to go because it'll make you feel shit then just send an apologies RSVP and then a gift, job done.

DeckSwabber · 09/11/2013 19:27

Depends how bad things are.

Personally I'd go, but stay only until its polite to leave and then go.

Your sister's wedding is not about you, its a family event. In time not going might become a stick to beat you with.

KepekCrumbs · 09/11/2013 19:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
namechnge404 · 09/11/2013 19:29

No we all have children and I live the closest.

OP posts:
quietbatperson · 09/11/2013 19:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Itsjustafleshwound · 09/11/2013 19:29

The day isn't about you and your hangups you have with your family.

Try to enjoy the day, be happy for them, but don't boycott the event

CoffeeTea103 · 09/11/2013 19:30

Do you have any idea why they have excluded you, did you ask your sister? If she can't give you a valid reason then yanbu to skip it.

Donkeyok · 09/11/2013 19:31

What are their reasons for excluding you?

Are they hoping you wont go,
that would probably make me want to go? ahah though awkward

We need more information as to whats behind this?

Original poster
namechnge404 · 09/11/2013 19:32

I don't think the day is about me. I genuinely feel that i have only been invited because they feel they have to. Who knows they might even be relieved if i didn't go

OP posts:
Doshusallie · 09/11/2013 19:32

Not going might just perpetuate the situation of not being included. There must be a back story as to why you are not close. Can you mend some bridges before the event?

phantomnamechanger · 09/11/2013 19:33

I am not trying to excuse the apparent thoughtlessness of this, but where in the family do you come? Are you the oldest/youngest etc? I can see why one sister may be closer to one than another because of the age gaps or because they always shared a room as kids or something, or had shared hobbies, but really it is NOT on for you to be the only one not "doing" something. is there any reason you can think of for this, any falling out or disagreement in the past, anything they feel you have let them down over, or been standoffish, not wanting to be involved? Just looking for clues really as it sounds so odd!

Strumpetron · 09/11/2013 19:33

To be honest I can't really make judgment because you've not said what they've actually done to you to make you feel this way

Original poster
namechnge404 · 09/11/2013 19:35

I have been told that I wasn't asked to be part of the wedding because I have a tattoo. My tattoo can be covered (and is in no way in your face or offensive).

OP posts:
Donkeyok · 09/11/2013 19:35

Will there be extended family that you do get on with there?

If you don't go they will probably use it against you,
"oh she didn't even go to her own sisters wedding or send a gift"

If they day went well could you use it to build bridges?

Strumpetron · 09/11/2013 19:36

I have been told that I wasn't asked to be part of the wedding because I have a tattoo. My tattoo can be covered (and is in no way in your face or offensive)

Well that's just ridiculous, tell them to feck off.

pigletmania · 09/11/2013 19:36

Just because it's teir day does not mean they have to treat you like shit and t will be rubbing your face in it. I just could not grin and bear it. Don't go, do something nice that day

pigletmania · 09/11/2013 19:37

The tattoo is a bloody lame excuse

Donkeyok · 09/11/2013 19:38

Strumpeton what happened next?

CoffeeTea103 · 09/11/2013 19:38

That's a ridiculous reason, if she really wanted you there she would have just told you to cover it up. But is the tattoo in a place that maybe won't be fitting with the dress style?

Original poster
namechnge404 · 09/11/2013 19:39

I generally don't get invited to events, if family visit then I'm an afterthought (if I'm really lucky), they don't even make an effort with my children. I really don't know why. I'm slap bang in the middle of the family

OP posts:
Badvoc · 09/11/2013 19:39

How sad :(
If you don't want to go, don't go.
But it may well be held against you.
I'm sorry your family treat you like this.

phantomnamechanger · 09/11/2013 19:39

oh, so you do know the reason! not that's its a good one but maybe the style of bridesmaid dress would not cover the tat, and they have issues with not wanting tats in the photos. Odd nonetheless!