Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I don't think I will go to my sisters wedding

81 replies

namechnge404 · 09/11/2013 19:24

My sister is getting married next year and I don't think I want to go. I don't really get on well with my family. I am blatantly excluded from nearly everything they do. My other sisters are bridesmaids and my brothers are ushers but I haven't been asked to be part of it at all. Any time there is a family event i feel like shit.

Basically I'm asking AIBU if i just said thanks but no thanks and just avoided the day. To be honest I really don't think I would be missed or that anybody would care.

OP posts:
Mintyy · 09/11/2013 20:31

What is the background to this? You are sounding very sorry for yourself.

Topseyt · 09/11/2013 20:32

If you are not taking part you would not be going to dress fittings anyway.

It is such a bizarre reason for not including you, and that is the best I can say about it.

I am guessing you have some fairly complicated family relations here. I would have thought there would be more to it.

Don't go if you feel that you will be out of place. Have a nice day by yourselves instead, but be prepared that that would probably not be the end of it. These things are often fairly complex.

Hissy · 09/11/2013 20:33

No matter if the fire brigade have to cut you out of your house to attend, no matter if your day job is as the tattooed lady in the local circus, your family/sister etc shouldn't exclude you from a wedding so cruelly.

What does your instincts say? I'm guessing NOT to go.

I wouldn't go.

It's not about 'ah but she's your sister' someone tell your family that!

It's not about 'making things worse if you don't go' how is being excluded from a wedding any better than taking the hint that you're not wanted/needed/thought of.

I say the only chance you have of making a point is to say, I am not playing your games any more, either treat me with some respect, or leave me the heck alone.

My 'mum' moved house, excluded me from pretty much all of it, and even when I expressed my bewilderment at her awful behaviour, it's all la-la-la and i'm supposed to just carry on as normal. This was the tip of the iceberg, she's the last member of my family I spoke to, as I won't put up with being treated like crap anymore.

Set your boundaries and bugger the lot of them.

Strumpetron · 09/11/2013 20:36

What is the background to this? You are sounding very sorry for yourself

She doesn't sound sorry for herself, she sounds like she's very down, insecure and maybe a bit depressed. Probably the attitude of her family is the crux of it all.

Original poster
namechnge404 · 09/11/2013 20:45

I honestly don't know why my family don't like me. Maybe I'm just not a very likable person.

OP posts:
CrapBag · 09/11/2013 20:45

Wow, so your own family are excluding you because of an inoffensive tattoo that can easily be hidden? Hmm

Fuck that, I would not be going. They sounds like total idiots, then to invite you to the dress shopping, knowing that everyone was picking their dresses and you aren't being included, downright cunty behaviour (and I really don't use that word lightly).

Screw them, if they really cared about you, tattoo/size/whatever would not matter in the slightest!

josephinebruce · 09/11/2013 20:47

Maybe the reason why you think you are unattractive and unlikeable is because of your awful family. Fuck 'em. They are toxic.

Whocansay · 09/11/2013 20:50

They invited you to look at dresses then excluded you? That has to have been deliberate. Which makes them rude, insensitive and nasty.

Don't go and spend the money you would have forked out on something fabulous for you. They are not worth your time. You size and tattoo have nothing to do with it. And you sound like a lovely person, but who has low self esteem.

I would (and have) distanced myself from such toxic people.

lokidoki · 09/11/2013 21:04

You seem like a perfectly nice person. They are arseholes. Sorry they are treating you like this.
Thanks

CrapBag · 09/11/2013 21:04

I'm sure you are a lovely person. They are the problem, not you. That's what they want you to think by the sounds of it.

You don't need them at all. I have no problem cutting family members out of my life. Unfortunately we can't help who we are related to!

bellasuewow · 09/11/2013 21:07

Name change you sound a lot like me my advice is get onto the stately homes thread and start building your own life away from them

frogspoon · 09/11/2013 21:11

If you feel up to it, I would put on a brave face and go.

If you go (as a regular guest), all the other guests will be commenting about how your sister excluded you from the main bridal party, and she will look bad for excluding you.

If you don't go, all the other guests will just think you couldn't be bothered to come, and you will look bad instead.

poopinthebin · 09/11/2013 21:11

I think there has to be more to this.

Do you think you could have an honest chat with them and ask why there is this distance between you?

poopinthebin · 09/11/2013 21:12

Oh and I would go to the wedding, by the way. You can't go back and undo the damage done by not attending. It's just a day, but it ticks a rather big box.

ilovesooty · 09/11/2013 21:31

I wouldn't go, to be honest. I'm not at all sure I'd send a gift either.

8thplace · 09/11/2013 21:51

I feel your pain. I was excluded from my brothers wedding earlier this year and the only member of immediate family only invited to the reception. caused all sorts of horrible issues to be brought up. I did not go to the reception and have not spoken to him since.

It really hurts that I was not there. But it was unacceptable to me and my husband to be there as a second class guests.

My parents and other sibling were upset too but as time moves on understanding and respect my decision. I am still close to the rest of my family but will have no contact with rhis brother who hurt me so terribly.

My advise is to be true to yourself and dont compromise your integrity for the sake of someone who has devalued your feelings.

I cried alot about this this year. He is not the brother I thought him to be. A bit like grief really. But it is getting better and I feel stronger for it.
.

ProphetOfDoom · 09/11/2013 21:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pigletmania · 09/11/2013 22:05

Pooping imdisagreebthe sister as already done a lot f damage. She sounds thoroughly nasty and has contributed to op low self esteem. Just because she is family des not mean you have to suck it up and take crap. Why should op go and feel worse tan she does, it does not sound like her amiky like her much

pigletmania · 09/11/2013 22:07

Exactly 8th place keep your integrity in tact

pigletmania · 09/11/2013 22:08

Her family I meant

manticlimactic · 09/11/2013 22:48

If I were getting married I wouldn't have my eldest sister at my wedding or as a bridesmaid. I wouldn't want her there at all tbh. She's excluded from most family things.

She's stolen from my mum, tried to say it was mum who wandered to the bank at midnight to take money out of the cash machine, insinuated it was her son. Never visiting our elderly mum despite living 5 mins away. Blames everyone else for things/how shit her life is/woe is me and expects everyone else to run around after her.

She would probably write a similar OP saying she has no idea what she has done to be so excluded. It certainly wouldn't be because she was fat (although she is). It's because of things she has done. Perhaps you can ask your sister OP?

manticlimactic · 09/11/2013 22:49

Not saying you're like my sister btw.

poopinthebin · 09/11/2013 22:53

mantic I have a similar relative, who would certainly post a 'poor me I'm so excluded' post like this.

I generally think that when a family member is excluded and everyone else is included, it's probably likely that there is a reason (hence me asking if there is more to this) and quite unlikely that the rest of her entire family are bizarrely cruel bastards who have cut her out for no reason.

People are so quick to jump on posts like this and damn the family and say that the OP should make the decision not to go (which will alienate her further from her family) without actually knowing any of the background. I mean, really, does it seem likely that there is no background to this and they are all just mean to her for no reason?? Or is it more likely that there is far more to this?

manticlimactic · 09/11/2013 22:59

I agree poopin there must be some reason. It may even be something ridiculous but it wouldn't be over nothing. My other siblings do feel obliged to try and include my sister but it's only because they don't like confrontation and do so through gritted teeth in the hope she'll decline. Hmm I have no such qualms, I'd tell her straight. But the thing is, she bitches to the family about me yet never asks why I don't have anything to do with her.

SeaSickSal · 09/11/2013 23:04

I would go. TBH when you have a family like this (and I also do) they can only really hurt you when you play their games and allow them to make you feel like that.

You need to accept that your family are crap and stop looking for validation and approval from them. Instead concentrate on building other relationships with friends and rebuilding your self esteem.

Withdraw from this crap round the wedding. Refuse to engage. Don't get involved with the build up. Look at it as a chore. Go on the day, attend the bare minimum you can (eg service and meal) then go home. If you don't go you will only get criticized for spoiling it/attention seeking blah,blah, blah as the scapegoat always is.

Go for the minimum amount of time possible. Be polite but don't be drawn into their dramatics. It sounds like your sister is very unkind to you. Why would you want to be her bridesmaids?

Swipe left for the next trending thread