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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I don't think I will go to my sisters wedding

81 replies

namechnge404 · 09/11/2013 19:24

My sister is getting married next year and I don't think I want to go. I don't really get on well with my family. I am blatantly excluded from nearly everything they do. My other sisters are bridesmaids and my brothers are ushers but I haven't been asked to be part of it at all. Any time there is a family event i feel like shit.

Basically I'm asking AIBU if i just said thanks but no thanks and just avoided the day. To be honest I really don't think I would be missed or that anybody would care.

OP posts:

Strumpetron · 09/11/2013 19:39

donkeyok sorry I don't understand what you mean?

ProphetOfDoom · 09/11/2013 19:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

phantomnamechanger · 09/11/2013 19:42

strump I think donkey thought it was you saying about the tat, when you quoted the OP

RandomMess · 09/11/2013 19:42

Sounds like you're the family scapegoat

Original poster

namechnge404 · 09/11/2013 19:43

The dresses hadn't been chosen. I think the most hurtful part was when I was invited to go (with the rest of the sisters and my mum) to choose my sisters dress. That was when I found out that everybody else would be getting to look and choose their dress for the wedding. I was even asked if I wanted to come along to the fitting. So normally I'm excluded but that time i was invited. It felt like it was just to rub my face in it

OP posts:

CanucksoontobeinLondon · 09/11/2013 19:45

Don't go, but send a nice gift. That keeps the lines of communication open just in case your family (who sound like a nightmare) have a change of heart in the future. It doesn't sound hugely likely, but you never know.

The tattoo thing sounds like complete bullshit. I'm really sorry.

Strumpetron · 09/11/2013 19:46

Ah right thankyou phantom

pigletmania · 09/11/2013 19:46

That sounds awful, inviting you just to rub your face in it. Jst because ts your sister des not mean you have to e treated like shit, I would not go f a friend did tat to me, so being family you have to suck it up

nancy75 · 09/11/2013 19:47

You need to think about what might happen if you dont go. Will it cause a massive row between you and the rest of the family?
How would you feel if they all stopped talking to you because you didn't go?
I know people that didn't go to a siblings wedding, they now haven't spoken for almost 20 years - would you be ok with writing your sister out of your life completely?
I know the examples I have given are extreme, but they are the kind of situations you might want to think about before you decide.
It is easy for people on here to say sod the lot of them & dont go, but it is you that has to deal with the fall out.

phantomnamechanger · 09/11/2013 19:48

OK, I don't like to ask this, but are you a larger lady, or is your hair very different from the others, or are you very tall or short or something else that makes you look different?? - some bridezillas can be very OTT about the whole coordination/matching bridesmaids thing.

phantomnamechanger · 09/11/2013 19:51

if they are blatantly inconsiderate enough to invite you to the fittings, then I think they deserve to be challenged on this - act confused not confrontational.

are you sure there is nothing from years back that has caused a rift in some way??

amistillsexy · 09/11/2013 19:51

I'm not going to my sisters wedding next year,either. It's on a school day (I have 3 dcs in primary), three hundred miles away from where we (sister, her fiance my mum and I) all live, on an inaccessible island where we'll have to dodge on and off due to the tides.

Also she's a selfish fuck who's marrying a dickhead. They can all fuck off to the far side of fuck, and when they get there...fuck off some more!!!

Really, OP, stay true to yourself. They've hurt your feelings, no reason to keep getting back in the queue for more of the same.

Original poster

namechnge404 · 09/11/2013 19:51

I'm fat and not even a little bit attractive which is the reason I thought I hadn't been asked. I wouldn't want me in the wedding pics either. But I was told that wasn't the reason

OP posts:

pigletmania · 09/11/2013 19:52

Op is there a history to this, stuff happening as children, something you might have said or done?

lljkk · 09/11/2013 19:52

Where is the tattoo & how big, OP?
NB: I wouldn't care if it covered your face if you were my sis, but I am wondering how they see whatever there is to see.

pigletmania · 09/11/2013 19:53

Good on yu amis, fck them all, why should op suck it up. That would really hurt how op has been treated, tbh they are not close so might not ave a problem going NC.

Strumpetron · 09/11/2013 19:54

I'm fat and not even a little bit attractive which is the reason I thought I hadn't been asked. I wouldn't want me in the wedding pics either

Stop that right now! I bet you're much nicer than you think! It shouldn't be about looks, it should be about having the people around you who love you and you love, they're supposed to love you. That's the issue here, them not being decent enough to be respectful towards you - it doesn't matter whether you look like a sodding dragon on crack, they're being cruel and selfish.

sod them, and spend the day doing something nice for yourself.

Katnisscupcake · 09/11/2013 19:56

I will give you my experience. Similar situation except that at the time my youngest sister and I were a little out of sorts with each other. She is 13 years my junior and had been with her then-partner for only 6 weeks when she got engaged. They got engaged the week after we did (we had been together 2 years) and set their date before us because she didn't want to be the last daughter to get married... very odd. My parents said it was because she was jealous of me but nonetheless it was a shitty thing to do.

Anyway, everyone else in the family was invited to do something at the wedding except for me. I was gutted but focussed on my own preparations to keep my mind off of it.

About 2 weeks before the wedding I got a call from my mum. Apparently one of my sister's bridesmaids had pulled out at the last minute and my sister had asked mum to call me to ask if I would take her place because 'I was the only one who would fit into the dress'. I did it because I'm a mug and after everything I still wanted my dsis to have a wonderful day. My now dh couldn't believe that I agreed to it...

My dsis and I haven't had the same relationship since, but what I would say is that I rarely think about it now. But if I had my time again and I had the guts, I wouldn't have gone...

josephinebruce · 09/11/2013 19:58

You size, tattoo etc is irrelevant to most people and I'm sure you're not as unattractive as you think you are. They are dicks. Ignore them, spend the day with your own family and use the money that you would have spent on an outfit/gift/whatever for your sister's wedding on a treat for yourselves.

pigletmania · 09/11/2013 19:59

Exactly strumptin, they are making op feel like this, like she is not worthy, being invited to the dress fitting, and finding out tat your the only one there not a bridesmaid is awful, nasty and vindictive. Sister knew this and op sad se wanted to rub her face in it, I woud Noway go to tat persons wedding, their behaviour s despicable. Why should op be a doormat and be the object of ridicule

scottishmummy · 09/11/2013 20:01

Don't be so hard on yourself,don't put yourself down so
If you feel attending will be detrimental to you,don't go
As adult you don't need to put yourself through that stress

Badvoc · 09/11/2013 20:08

My sister was a size 20 when I got married.
She was maid of honour and looked lovely because I chose a flattering style of dress for her.
It simply would not have occurred to me not to ask her just because of her size!

ProphetOfDoom · 09/11/2013 20:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

namechnge404 · 09/11/2013 20:20

SchmaltzingMatilda Yeah that's pretty much it. I didn't ask as suck I just said I wouldn't be going to the dress fittings because of how it felt knowing I would be the only one not taking part.

OP posts:

bootsycollins · 09/11/2013 20:28

Exactly what scottishmummy said

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