to be cross with DParents over Xmas

[Anydrinkwilldo]

I said ONE present each. Now DM has gone and bought him 'a few small gifts' for his stocking (ie from Santa) AIBU to flip my lid at them??

How very dare they want to give their grandchild a few Xmas presents? The bastards!

Yes, of course YWBU to flip your lid. If your child is too young for the items, remove them for a while until he grows into them. It seems like a complete overreaction to object to a few gifts.

Dolly Christmas is in our own house, grandparents want Santa to visit their house too when we travel out later in the day and cannot understand how this would confuse a child. Granted it won't confuse an 18 month old but will as he gets older.

Bless your cotton socks Anydrink, children swallow the whole Santa Claus thing totally whole with a suspension of disbelief that passes all understanding, until the penny drops when they wonder how they could have bought any of it! You really do not have to worry about explaining any of it away! Your parents know fine well that your dc will not be remotely confused!

To follow on from keeping , last year we had in region of 70 gifts for two children, one of whom was 18 months old.
The DCs don't appreciate the gifts, we don't have the space to keep them, a lot of what they were given was totally age inappropriate. Why the hell should I just allow this to happen on the basis of keeping my Pils happy?

I'm also very aware how fickle my Pils are, and I don't want my Dcs expecting lots of gifts that may well not be forthcoming depending on the Pils mood. Gifts are a lovely treat, not a right.

Is the 'GPs wanting to have Santa come to their house as well' this a new phenomena?

I don't remember either sets of my GPs trying to say Santa had been to their house for me too. I think i would have been a bit by that as a child tbh. I would wake up, find the stocking, belt into my parents room and open it sat my parents bed at about 4am and was ridiculously excited by it I can remember the feeling of believing it really was from Santa. It all made sense.

Stockings all over the show in different houses would have taken away the specialness and thrill - and made me a bit suspicious allot younger, i think.

Thankfully neither my parents nor my (ex) PIL tried to do Santas stockings for my 3 when they were little. I would have been really surprised, and found it odd. Santa is for parents to do.

How about suggesting that they any for swimming lessons (or similar) did that with my parents who can be a bit like that, worked a treat!

Santa is for parents to do.

Sweet. But really and truly, is it an issue to be prescriptive about?

Well, personally, becca i've never had to deal with it, so have never got my knickers in a twist over it Just reading the thread here.

I just wonder why GPs cant step back and say to themselves ''that's something special for the mum and dad to do for their babies''.

I wont start wanting to do Santa stockings for my GC if and when they come. It just seems a bit - ''me too, me too'' somehow.

santa used to come to my mums house too i dont understand why santa has to be just to your house I understand that parents want santa to come to their children but santa sometimes likes to leave a wee extra something at GP house I am not sure why that is a huge deal I honestly dont know why people get upset or have angst over it

I wont start wanting to do Santa stockings for my GC if and when they come. It just seems a bit - ''me too, me too'' somehow.

I see exactly where you're coming from...but I would put good money on your having a change of heart when you're in that position! .

But I agree with you...reading this thread makes it seem like a highly contentious issue that needs a UN ruling!

PS everybody: We do all know that Santa doesn't actually exist....?

PS everybody: We do all know that Santa doesn't actually exist....?

I have no idea what you are on about

Sorry Mrsjay when I said he doesn't exist I mean of COURSE he exists, and is everywhere all the time on Christmas Eve. It was a typo!

Pretty sure I got away with that

My MIL and I always work together for Christmas, she asks for a selection of things that they have on their lists and asks which ones I would prefer she buy. If she spots something else she thinks one of them may like she calls and asks if she should get it to avoid duplicates/unsuitable gifts. If I have trouble tracking something down in my area I ring her and she's on the case!

All of her presents go under our tree with those from Santa and we let the children know they came from GM, she lives 4 hours away so we rarely see her in person on the day as she has her elderly MIL at hers.

She is most wonderful!

Op, we had a similar stocking set up to the one that your parents propose

Our GPS lived an hour away, and we often found that Santa had also visited their house, even if we visited after Boxing Day. Santa somehow just 'knew' we were going to visit and left us a little something.

It didn't confuse us in the slightest. It just prolonged the magic. Especially when we asked how he knew to leave stuff in 2 places.

Even better, my canny mum explained that a lot of the tattoys was special and needed to be kept at grandmas house, so we had toys there too!

YANBU about the favouritism stuff tho. Especially as they have form.

Ah, I see.

We have Christmas at my mum's several days after the 25th. Santa brings gifts. Not one of the four grandchildren are confused. They are delighted every single time.

As children we went to my gp's after Christmas. Exchanged gifts, received stockings. Still no confusion.

Santa's magic, you know. He can travel the world in a single night, land a sleigh and reindeer on the smallest of roofs and get a shedload of gifts down the chimney. He does all this whilst drinking copious amounts of alcohol yet never wakes the eager child. An extra stocking, that Santa left in anticipation of the child's visit, is nothing in the scheme of things. If you do this every year it becomes part of your tradition and as normal as Christmas.

Just eBay the excess stuff. You'll not stop them buying probably so best to just deal with all the stuff.

Doesn't exist ?!?!?!?

When I said I do stocking fillers they are for the parents' home not mine! I give the parents a carrier bag of small things for each child to be added to the stockings The only actual filling I do is for the adults who each get a filled stocking from me.
Santa only comes to my house if a child is here for Christmas.Last year I had 3 dgc here and this year there will be one but as she is 14 there'll have to be a 'willing suspension of disbelief'.

Poor DC2, not even born yet and written off already? There's a lot more to this than the present issue...

Ebaying the excessive gifts has its own problems. Firstly it may cause offence, especially when the recipient was a small child. And the guilt. Then there's the inherent waste. Finally its still a burden of time and effort to deal with unwanted stuff.

It is stressful to be on the receiving end when grandparents go overboard, especially when there's lots of them doing it. It doesn't feel like an expression of love but trying to buy love or control

Sorry Mrsjay when I said he doesn't exist I mean of COURSE he exists, and is everywhere all the time on Christmas Eve. It was a typo!

Phew my bottom lip quivered and everything

It doesn't feel like an expression of love but trying to buy love or control

I think that may be you projecting. I am pretty convinced that most of the time it is indeed an expression of love (not the only one, not the best one, for sure, but an expression nonetheless)

I would hate to be as cynical as some of you!

I would hate to be as cynical as some of you

I wouldn't describe myself as cynical. I'm just a mother who is sick of overwhelming volumes of presents at every occasion. I'm deeply grateful for single, well considered gifts, but piles of cheap gifts that I have to find space for feel more controlling than loving.

I'm guessing that you are a grandmother from your posts? You aren't necessarily causing this much stress, but if you are reading yourself into these posts, maybe ask the parents what they feel about the gifts and whether you should scale it back. Of course you could be the only grandparent and thus in a position to go much more overboard than those of us with multiple grandparents (I said upthread: DS has 6 grandparent/great grandparent households, then all the aunts and uncles, all of whom love to spoil him).

And when we do say something to the grandparents it isn't worded like this but a gentle reminder that DS has lots of toys and would they like to buy him something special or maybe take him for a day out. The grandparents who make our lives less stressful take us up on that. The ones we avoid visiting are those who think they know better.

I'm guessing that you are a grandmother from your posts? You aren't necessarily causing this much stress, but if you are reading yourself into these posts, maybe ask the parents what they feel about the gifts and whether you should scale it back

Gee whizz, I wish I'd thought of this. Does the phrase teaching grandmother to suck agains mean anything to you! . And I wonder just how 'gently worded' yopur reminders are in fact? The term lid flipping has been bandied about here!

Yes I am a grandparent: I am guessing you are not, but guess what, I've been a parent too (still am) so I've seen it through a number of different prisms which maybe you haven't yet. Many many many apologies if I've got that wrong. One thing I have learned from getting older is that when you (I ) was in my 20s and 30s you think you know everything. As you creep towards buss pass age you realise how much you don't!

Suck agains???? I did of course mean suck eggs. Said I still had a lot to learn, didn't I?

Come to think of it, cannot believe the number of typos in that. That'll learn me to play the age card (but it really is such fun!)