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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be cross with DParents over Xmas

115 replies

Anydrinkwilldo · 09/11/2013 13:15

I said ONE present each. Now DM has gone and bought him 'a few small gifts' for his stocking (ie from Santa) AIBU to flip my lid at them??

OP posts:
turkeyboots · 10/11/2013 13:52

My in laws tell me they buy all these gifts as they still want to do children's Christmas and not "boring grown up gifts". Which to me feels like they don't care about the individuals - just the buying of "girl" and "boy" gifts.

If money was tight, maybe it would be ok. But thankfully iit's not and I want to spoil my children with things they'll appreciate. My children my rules.

firesidechat · 10/11/2013 13:54

I've never understood this point of view. The giving of gifts is entirely at the discretion of the giver (IMO). Therefore, who are you to tell your DPs how many presents they will or won't buy? confused

I would only have a problem if one DC was given significantly more than another DC - but that doesn't seem to be the story here.

This^

It's a bit bizarre really.

As long as the present giving isn't "stealing the thunder" from the parents then it's fine. (I gather than "stealing someone's thunder" is a capital offence in this day and age.)

turkeyboots · 10/11/2013 13:54

Oh and I hope my DS one days grows up to marry someone with a mind of their own and their childrens best interests at heart.

Mumsyblouse · 10/11/2013 13:55

There's only one stocking in my household, just say santa does not visit twice, can they make up a separate little thing if they want to.

I agree it might be best to let it go, though, for your sanity!

Mylovelyboy · 10/11/2013 13:58

Let the grand parents spoil them as well. Think of the pleasure they get and also the children must love it. Its only once a year. And by the sound of it your dc's grand parents care and love your kids very much.

firesidechat · 10/11/2013 13:58

My in laws tell me they buy all these gifts as they still want to do children's Christmas and not "boring grown up gifts". Which to me feels like they don't care about the individuals - just the buying of "girl" and "boy" gifts.

You see, this sounds like they want to enjoy the childhood innocence of Christmas rather than not caring about individuals, but I may have misunderstood. I can sort of see their point of view - giving to children is more fun than giving to adults.

turkeyboots · 10/11/2013 14:30

I love giving gifts to those I love, adult or child. And a gift to me is something I know is needed, or a luxury nice to have. So the laziness of the bags of generic girl or boy gifts offends me with it lack of thought, particularly when they are duplicates of the previous years gifts. But I am clearly unreasonable it seems, not the first time I've had shock expressed at my views on this.

Chippednailvarnish · 10/11/2013 14:38

Sounds more like boredom buying to me Turkey, no thought involved just a need to shop.

Mylovelyboy · 10/11/2013 14:52

Turkey dont worry. Most people DO NOT agree with anything I say Smile we are all entitled to our opinions. Do whats right for you.

turkeyboots · 10/11/2013 14:55

[Smile]

MinesAPintOfTea · 10/11/2013 15:23

Its not "stealing thunder" its the feeling that they are trying to but love with boxes full of presents. Ds has 6 households of gps/ggps all of which love him a great deal but only one who thinks that this has to be expressed by buying him everything. For his last birthday he got 15 toys and the entire boys clothing range from sainsburys (I joke not: I had to get the whole lot changed up a size as he had already outgrown them). We live in a small house and as dpil as divorced dmil feels she needs to keep up. I sit and stress about where its all going to go.

Plus I hate the waste and it feels like they're trying to take over the whole house.

Minnieisthedevilmouse · 10/11/2013 15:28

Bu? Yes

Stupid? By the barrel load too. What they spend their money on is their business.

pumpkinsweetie · 10/11/2013 15:29

Fgs be glad they want to treat their grandkids!

ILetHimKeep20Quid · 10/11/2013 15:31

Let go of some control, it'll be fun!

DollySisterIsKickingUpLeaves · 10/11/2013 15:41

Have I understood correctly? Christmas is at the in-laws and they want to do the stocking? Or they want to add to your stocking? If you are feeling possessive of the stocking (not a criticism- I'm sure I would be; I love doing stockings) maybe say you'd rather it be an under the tree, from gps gift so as not to confuse in case of similarities or repeats.

Let them buy gifts for their grandchildren. My parents and in laws buy some absolute crap sometimes, but get an enormous amount pleasure from it. These presents are easily 'broken' or 'lost' shortly after, or left at the gps' to play with next time we visit. Often there are some genuinely brilliant gifts.

And as for not loving dgc2 as much as dgc1, my mum confessed that about her dgc2, whom she adores. And about numbers 3 and 4... My mum says grandchildren come with all the love of a child but without that parental responsibility and worry. I think her feelings overwhelmed her and she didn't believe it was possible to repeat. But it is.

Beccagain · 10/11/2013 16:20

Turkey

My children my rules.

If there is a Santa Claus, and any justice, this will come back and bite you on the bum big time.

And can you really not see the inherent paradoxical irony of such gems as:

and I want to spoil my children with things they'll appreciate.

The best I can hope for you is that money continues to be the non issue for you that it is now my goodness you sound unbearably smug

Of course you may be saying all of this tongue firmly in cheek, in which case I am STUPID Grin

Otherwise have a barrel load of Biscuit

Original poster
Anydrinkwilldo · 10/11/2013 16:38

Dolly Christmas is in our own house, grandparents want Santa to visit their house too when we travel out later in the day and cannot understand how this would confuse a child. Granted it won't confuse an 18 month old but will as he gets older.

OP posts:
FixItUpChappie · 10/11/2013 16:40

"yes it sounds lovely but all that happens is that you end up with a load of duplicated stuff which is a waste of time for everyone. When MIL tells me what they've bought (which thank goodness she does just before Christmas) I end up having to put away the version I've bought to give to the DC later or regifting it to someone else or we end up with necklace from PIL, Necklace from us, Make up from PIL, Make up from us, Slipper socks from PIL, Slipper socks from us, Hat and Scarf from PIL, Hat and Scarf from us......I do feel that they've spoilt something that I enjoyed doing."

^^ I do think there is some reasonable thought in this sentient....I think it's for parents to do stockings personally. Though doesn't seem worth "flipping your lid" over.

KeepingUpWithTheJonses · 10/11/2013 16:45

The giving of gifts is entirely at the discretion of the giver (IMO). Therefore, who are you to tell your DPs how many presents they will or won't buy?

I completely disagree with this. Tosh.

My mum last Xmas bought 5 presents each for my 2dc. Entirely reasonable you may think. Except they also had 5 presents each from my dad. And both of my sisters. And df's mum, brother and nan.

So suddenly, this 'reasonable' 5 gifts each has turned into 70 presents. On TOP of whatever Father Christmas and df and I get them.

Last Xmas we visited family in the morning. When we got home it took 30 minutes to unload the car of the kids gifts. It took another hour of me tidying and sorting the piles of fucking stuff so that we could relax in our own living room on Christmas Day.

This year I have been dubbed Scrooge by pretty much all the family because I have put a '2 gifts' per child limit on gifts from each person. It's caused arguements already because when my mum and sister pretty much laughed in my face and dismissed this, I told them that if they got more than 2 gifts per child I WOULD refuse to accept the extras. I mean to stick to that.

turkeyboots · 10/11/2013 16:45

Thank you for the biscuits.

Oddly I can get DC things they'll like as I see them everyday. Unlike PiL who can't be bothered, but try to buy their love. Didn't realise having shit parents was a cause to be smug, but every day I learn something new.

FixItUpChappie · 10/11/2013 16:52

geeze "keeping" you are not wrong - that is awful.....how can you expect a child to appreciate anything with that many presents thrown at them.

I think it's as silly to insist GPs should do whatever they want as it is to fuss and stomp ones feet at everything they do.....surely there is a sensible middle ground.

mrsjay · 10/11/2013 16:54

that is terrble them underminding you like that very disrespectful of them to get their grandchildren who they love extra presents I would never allow them in my house ever

LaydeeC · 10/11/2013 16:55

I would be hacked off with the double santa thing as well. My mil wanted this when my first one was little, we told her no way, and she never suggested it again.
Santa comes to my house!

MamaBear17 · 10/11/2013 17:01

I sympathise too. One present may have been a little restrictive, but its hard when gps get carried away because they have the tendency to take over. My dd ended up with 5 stockings one year, after we had specifically said we were doing a special one. DD ended up completely overwhelmed. This year we are keeping back presents from extended family who won't see dd on the day so dd will have presents from Santa, and each set of gps on the day and hopeful won't be overwhelmed. MIL isn't happy because she likes to see her open all of the present from their side of the family, but I've insisted. Maybe you could agree something similar?

Beccagain · 10/11/2013 17:14

Didn't realise having shit parents was a cause to be smug, but every day I learn something new

Turkey there really isn't anything in the post to which I was referring (13:52) to indicate that that your parents are shit: nothing at all in fact as it was PiLs you were talking about but same goes, so clearly it's not that from which I think you are being smug as I think you know. The bit that made me wince was the pronouncement that money is 'thankfully' not an issue to you so you will spoil your children in any way you like 'my children my rules' I allowed for the possibility that you might be having a laugh but apparently not. Are you saying that if you were hard up then you would graciously allow the GPs to spoil your children in your stead?

You do see, don't you that the whole 'mcmr' stance is so abhorrent (to some of us...they are people not your own private republic) , that you may as well have GPs saying 'my grandchildren my rules'. And before you choose to misinterpret that let me just make it clear that I am NOT suggesting that any GPs should take that approach. But you seem to think it perfectly acceptable for parents to fuck their children up. I just don't see it myself