to be cross with DParents over Xmas

[Anydrinkwilldo]

I said ONE present each. Now DM has gone and bought him 'a few small gifts' for his stocking (ie from Santa) AIBU to flip my lid at them??

Are your DC little? It seems like toy-overload ATM - they are excited to buy presents for their little GC, but it will tail off dramatically as they get older. Mine have been given money since they were about 7. Thank God!

Oh god. You're what I dread about being the mother of a boy.

How dare they want to buy them things. FFs chill out and be happy they want to do things that make their dgcs happy

Poor little mite.

Kotinka is a bit of all of the above, they never listen, it's all the junk they've bought before which has gone to waste-we only have a small house and can't fit the junk. It's that they buy stuff for a 3/4 year old ds is only 18 months. He's only just starting to use stuff from his birthday. I have dc no 2 on the way and I'm trying to reason with them that they cannot buy bikes/trampolines/bouncy castles coz I'll have no where with all the new born stuff. They have already told me ds will be their favourite and everytime they put money in his money box/but him something I try to explain they'll have to do the same for the next baby but they just shrug their shoulders.

Sorry little rant there

I think you know YABU to get that annoyed over them wanting to get a few extra gifts for your DS. But coupled with your recent update I can see why! The favouritism thing would be the massive red flag for me.
I also would be massively pissed if someone else tried to do a stocking or presents from Father Christmas - that's the parents job and no-one elses, it's special and something I will not be sharing!

My DM would be similar if she had her way, she always wants to buy him stuff, but we've said and repeated from the start that anything big we need to approve first as we might not have the space, and that we don't want him snowed under with gifts so that he doesn't even notice what he has......it seems to be working so far, but I would never get her to agree to one gift only for him, she'd never do it!

I'm with the OP on this - yes it sounds lovely but all that happens is that you end up with a load of duplicated stuff which is a waste of time for everyone. When MIL tells me what they've bought (which thank goodness she does just before Christmas) I end up having to put away the version I've bought to give to the DC later or regifting it to someone else or we end up with necklace from PIL, Necklace from us, Make up from PIL, Make up from us, Slipper socks from PIL, Slipper socks from us, Hat and Scarf from PIL, Hat and Scarf from us etc etc.

The DCs are all teenage/twenties now and so Father Christmas is a distant memory but I do feel that they've spoilt something that I enjoyed doing.

They have already told me ds will be their favourite

This is far far worse than a few extra gifts. No-one favours one of my children or gives them more gifts or more money. It just won't happen. your second one will realise about aged 2. Tell them directly that you won't have favouritism and that it's very important to treat the children equally. If they can't do that (and I would cut some slack over the baby stage), you will have to stop the present giving full stop. Outrageous statement.

And- I would be pissed off if they can't do as suggested and get one present. Even if they privately thought it a bit odd, they should play ball (just as my grandparents did when their children announced 'no sweets' or 'no plastic toys' even though I'm sure they realised it was just pfbitis). How hard is it to respect the parent in this situation? Very simple, just get one really nice toy each.

I think they don't listen to you and favour one child, these may both be problems in the future.

I know what you mean. FiL goes overboard and I feel I can't buy anything for ds myself as he gets so much from other family. They have had their turn at being Santa for their children, now its yours. And filling houses with plastic crap that hardly gets touched isn't considerate our loving.

A few extra gifts wouldn't bother me. You can't control what other people give.

The favouritism comment would really make me mad though. BUT I wonder if at the moment they just can't envisage loving another child as much as they love their (presumably first) existing grandchild? I know my mum felt similar when I was pregnant with my 2nd. Perhaps it was because she only had one child herself and so couldn't understand how the love doesn't divide when you have another baby, it multiplies! Heck, I even felt like that myself despite being desperate for a second baby TBH. Of course our worries were totally unfounded and mum adores DS just as much as DD (as do I :o). So maybe it will be ok?

Yep My DF asked me what he should get DD when I made suggestions he wailed and said " oh please please let me get my own thing" .

I was annoyed as he knows we were strapped for cash and I would have preferred contributions to dance lessons etc. Ilet go and he turned up with a helicopter, played with once, a remote car, never touched and an electric toothbrush, used every day .

This year however I am going to have to personally vet any presents the in laws give. Last year DD main present was a v tech zoom camera from father Christmas. In laws gave her the same and she couldn't understand why they would get the same as FC.

Why on earth would you flip your lid at such kindness. I think if you did flip your lid at them they would feel really hurt. And also wonder....... if you were feeling ok . Let it go and worry about something worth worrying about. I am saying this with kindness not goading

Let them do it. It's not hurting anyone. My mother doesn't know anything about any of her grandchildren. They're all teens and twenties now bar one. They don't get Christmas presents, a select few get a book token in the post. I would love for my mother to be normal and to enjoy indulging her grandchildren in the way my wonderful grandparents did me.

Elfont Vetting presents is just awful. Why not let GP have the pleasure in indulging their grandchildren as they wish. Its not about you

YANBU my PILs turn up with black bin bags full of gifts for each DC. It's rarely stuff they have asked for and we are then swamped with gifts that they don't actually want and have no space for.

After the first "big" gifts I've started rationing gifts to one a week or else the DCs don't appreciate them. To give you an example of just how ridiculous the amount they buy is, we are still opening last year's gifts...

YANBU. My in laws do this. 2 blacks sacks per child each Christmas and birthday. I wish they'd stop trying to be the parent - doing stockings and gifts from Santa and accept being Grandparents.

I have 2 black sacks in the attic unopened from last year as DC get bored before they reach the end of them. PiL had loads of money when DH was a child, so they don't even have that as an excuse.

I think we got through to them this year with our one present a person rule. If they turn up with bags full of stuff I will go mad I think. Cannot abide the waste of money and resources.

I'm with you Turkey.

Christmas :) I buy for 8 dgc. Each gets a main present, a surprise, a book and I contribute small gifts to their stockings too. I also do stockings for their parents and my dh as well as a present each and a book. All the dgc get new pj's for Christmas Eve too. I start shopping / saving in January so I can afford it. Their parents have tried to make me cut down and I do try. I suggested doing away with adult stockings altogether but they didn't like that. I have cut out all the little odds and ends though.
You see I see an extra for one then everyone else has to have an extra too. I promised just lego and a book for my dgs's then someone here mentioned robofish so I bought it for dgs2 and now I need another 7 things!

On the other hand, if you are quite hard up then getting some stocking fillers from them might be a good thing, I would ask them if they are happy for these bits to go in the santa stockings and buy less myself.

Ah but the stocking fillers are going into the stockings at their house-explain that!! It's fine while ds is small but when he gets older that'll be a nightmare to explain. I just feel like I'm constantly battling them over something. I'm just going to let it go as I don't need the stress or high blood pressure, but if they show ANY signs of favouritism when no. 2arrives I really will go crazy, my DBro was the favourite in our house (by my parents) and none of my children are going through that

Turkey how is giving your grandchildren sack fulls of presents trying to be 'a parent'. I am the mother of 1 ds (only child). I realy hope that one day when my ds is hopefully one day married he does not take a wife that sets out all these silly rules because she wants to be in control. Bloody ridiculous. Can honestly say, out of all the people I know or have known I have never come across this silliness before.