Or is dh quite right to refuse to take dd and her friend (age 6) to swimming lessons

[tinyshinyanddon]

Trying to work out an alternate week car pool with my neighbor to take dd and her friend to swimming lessons. Friends mum would take them one week, dh the next, etc. they would need some help changing and would use the boys locker room with dh. Dh would not need to change himself just help the kids. Facility is for kids only so no random grown ups wandering around. Dh refuses saying he would be "uncomfortable" helping dds friend. I was just trying to make life easier for him so he didn't have to take dd every week. AIBU or dh?

I taught Year 2 last year (most of them were 7) and there were quite a few who needed a bit of support to get themselves changed before/after PE. The should be able to do it at 6 and most of them can, but in practice they vary widely and some just haven't got it yet (not SN, just space cadets, flaky or immature)

I used to take dd and her friend to swimming lessons aged 6. I stopped because it was very stressful.

I think you should try it yourself first before you encourage dh to do it.

The issues we had were:

Friend having meltdown because I didn't put her swimming hat on quite the way she liked it.
Friend having meltdown because she'd forgotten her goggles.
Friend not behaving - doing dangerous things on the poolside.
DD refusing to get in the water and showing off to friend that she didn't have to if she didn't want to.
Fight over who had the one remaining shower.
Upset when one was put up a group and the other wasn't.

Changing wasn't too much of an issue apart from the dreaded hat.

Taking your own once a week is far, far easier.

exactly bolderdash. He has every right to refuse.

i would never ask dh to do this

fine when the kids are older but nothing that involves helping with changing etc

a 5year old would be a nightmare

Bolderdash - your dd's friend sounds a little high maintenance.

I carpool with 2 other mums for a ball class, it's very little effort even when they were younger and did sometimes need a little help changing.

But as I have posted before my DH would not feel comfortable doing this with another childs DD, particularly at that age, so I don't think either of you are being unreasonable as such.

BTW where did 4 children come into the equation - someone started mentioning 4 which I would definitely say no too, imagine how much stuff would get mixed up. There was talk of our carpool increasing to 4 and I said that 3 was my limit !

After your last, you are way unreasonable.

If you don't relish doing it on your own then don't expect him to either.

The four are: three of theirs (6, 3, and 7 months) and friend's dd.

He can barely supervise changing with a 7 month old and toddler

Sorry with two younger siblings YABU! I would struggle with just my DC, I couldn't also be responsible for someone else's.

Ah thanks for explaining mynewpassion, well then OPs DH is not being unreasonable. Too many children to keep track of, never mind the whole adult male, female child dynamics.

OK I am not explaining this well. There are 2 options:
A: DH takes our 3 kids each week. DD (6) goes to lesson, younger 2 are with DH.
B: DH takes DD (6) and her friend (5) every other week LEAVING YOUNGER 2 with friends Mum. Other week DH stays home with younger 2 and lets friends Mum takes our DD (6) and friend (her DD).
Of course it would be impossible for him to take all 4 (even I wouldn't do that).

I'm assuming he's aware of this & doesn't want to take DD's friend - maybe he'd rather have some time away from the house every week with the 2 younger ones? He may like watching DD swim & seeing how she gets on...

Wow, friend's mum seems to be losing out, gaining two younger kids for her one older one every other week...

(Sorry, OP!)

I think I have accepted now that this idea is not going to work.... :o)

Ha ha! I'm also failing to see what the friend is getting out of this! A reciprocal agreement normally means both parties benefit

So the friend would get two extra children one week, and one extra child the following week? I don't think so!