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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Or is dh quite right to refuse to take dd and her friend (age 6) to swimming lessons

90 replies

tinyshinyanddon · 08/11/2013 02:40

Trying to work out an alternate week car pool with my neighbor to take dd and her friend to swimming lessons. Friends mum would take them one week, dh the next, etc. they would need some help changing and would use the boys locker room with dh. Dh would not need to change himself just help the kids. Facility is for kids only so no random grown ups wandering around. Dh refuses saying he would be "uncomfortable" helping dds friend. I was just trying to make life easier for him so he didn't have to take dd every week. AIBU or dh?

OP posts:

InTheFace · 08/11/2013 02:42

How old are they?

MrsCakesPremonition · 08/11/2013 02:45

I think that at 6yo, and with a little bit of planning so they are wearing 'easy' clothes, they should be able to change themselves with your DH having to get hands on.

After all, they've been changing themselves for PE at school for a couple of years.

ZacharyQuack · 08/11/2013 02:57

Can they wear their swimsuits under their clothes on the way there, and take dressing gowns to wear over their swimsuits on the way home?

Givemeanear · 08/11/2013 06:52

YANBU but your DH is!

lymiemum · 08/11/2013 06:54

No one is bring unreasonable.
I can totally u understand him not wanting to help someone else's child get changed.
Has he asked you to help with arrangements so he isn't doing it every week?

mummytime · 08/11/2013 06:55

They should be able to change themselves, especially if there are 2 of them. Lots of DC at school have to at this age.

JugglingChaotically · 08/11/2013 06:55

Think by 6 they should be ok to change themselves. Help with hats and googles?
Our local pool has mixed changing areas so easy for them to pop into changing room with DH outside. Then DH can help with goggles etc. in open area.
Not sure I'd be happy or DDs friends parents would be happy with DH taking another child into male changing room. See I'm in the minority though.

MayTheOddsBeEverInYourFavour · 08/11/2013 06:56

Actually I can see why your DH would feel like that

He would be unreasonable to not want to do it for his own dd but I think it should be his choice if he wants to do the car pool, I would be a bit annoyed if my DH decided to organise on my behalf

LindyHemming · 08/11/2013 06:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JugglingChaotically · 08/11/2013 06:58

Oops. Meant changing cubicle - but hopefully you got the gist!
Should also add that DD3 does swimming and we are told in no uncertain terms to stand outside the cubicle while she does it herself. Only help is with googles - and it is reluctantly received!!

rememberingnothing · 08/11/2013 06:59

My DD age 6 would be able to manage but I would want her supervised. I often take her friend swimming and she goes with friends family. I would be equally happy with either parent looking after them.

Bunbaker · 08/11/2013 07:00

I get why your husband would feel uncomfortable. I know mine would, and I'm not sure I would have felt comfortable about a friend's dad supervising DD getting changed at that age. And I know DD wouldn't have liked it either.

wispywoo1 · 08/11/2013 07:00

I think he is being fair. If I was the little girl I'd be mortified if another man had to help me change. and if I was the Mum I wouldn't really want another man changing my little girl. Obviously not implying ANYTHING about your husband etc. Just in general.

greenfolder · 08/11/2013 07:01

I understand your dhs reluctance, I also would not want my dd changing in the mens changing room, or to be stood outside the womens changing room where I couldn't chivvy them along.

tinyturtletim · 08/11/2013 07:04

My dh would not do it either the little girl may be lovely but it is opening up for accusations

Can you not take them?

DrankSangriaInThePark · 08/11/2013 07:04

No, he's not being unreasonable.

I think the answer is, as others have suggested, train the children to be all grown up (they will love the idea) and in and out of their cozzies themselves.

kelda · 08/11/2013 07:09

He is not being unreasonable. I understand why he feels uncomfortable. When my dd2 was 6 she still needed help getting dressed after swimming.

Pollywallywinkles · 08/11/2013 07:10

If they were in the girls locker room would another mum not help them out if they needed it? That used to happen when my DD had swimming lessons.

At 6 they should be able to generally sort themselves out other than perhaps their hair if its long. If that the case they could just put towels on their heads and go home like that if another mum can't assist. I've lost count of the number of little girls hair I've helped with after swimming lessons.

Thesouthernwindisblowing · 08/11/2013 07:15

He is nbu. I've never understood why so so many parents dress and undress their dc of this age in changing rooms. Bar any special needs they should be able to do this themselves.

Bakingtins · 08/11/2013 07:17

My DH wouldn't be comfortable with that. I'd suggest the pair of them get themselves changed in the girl's locker room, where presumably there will be other mums/children, and DH waits outside to help with goggles etc.

foreverondiet · 08/11/2013 07:20

Assuming it's a kids only area and they can dress themselves it's fine. Not so great in men's changing room or if help dressing (other than shoes / googles sort of help). How would people feel about another mum helping their 6 year old Ds? Is it not the same?

scaevola · 08/11/2013 07:26

His IBU.

This isn't about whether he feels "comfortable" or not (as parents, you have do do all sorts of stuff, comfortable or otherwise).

A parent, changing his child plus her friend, in a public family changing area insn't appropriate.

FannyMcNally · 08/11/2013 07:31

He's being completely unreasonable probably because he doesn't want to do it! All the children have to do is get their wet stuff off and dry stuff on. The only part you have to be really dry for is getting socks on and he could easily help with that bit after they are fully dressed. Some children have school swimming lessons from 4 and don't have 121 help! So what if body or hair aren't dry, they come straight home and can be sorted out then. And going with swimming costume already on goes without saying. Hope he comes round!

5madthings · 08/11/2013 07:34

Well they shouldn't need much help, just supervision so I would be fine for my daughter to be cared for by another father in this situation.

But I can see why your dh feels uncomfortable, purely because of what other people may think. Now we on mnet are all rational people

But 'some' people would think this was 'odd' or u usual and that is how rumours etc start, if I was a man I would be wary of that iyswim?

Gileswithachainsaw · 08/11/2013 07:44

Surely they don't need help. It's sad that it's come to this tbh. I'd have not thought twice about helping small children get dressed and he shouldn't have to either. Do dads these days really feel that uncomfortable doing what women have done for years? It's really very sad .

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