AIBU to be pissed off that people keep trying to get me to buy my kids more for Christmas?

[CrapBag]

I am getting sooo fed up with people implying that I am not spending enough or getting my kids enough presents for Christmas.

We don't have a lot of money, I like to have a budget and stick to it, and we have done it this year. One time I mentioned my budget to a friend and she was horrified as she spends 4x the amount on her kids, then all the stuff they get from relatives, they are pretty spoilt tbh.

My kids are not in the slightest materialistic, they would be perfectly happy with a few small things, although we have got them more than this. Plus we don't have the space to put loads and loads of new toys. They do get things that they want, its not like we get them some old shit that they won't like which is what I feel is implied sometimes.

I had a couple of friends tell me that they have got their kids 30+ presents! That's not including relatives who all spoil them as well. My kids don't get spoilt in the slightest by relatives, and while I don't want them to be spoilt, I am also slightly sad that our families don't seem to make as much effort as my friends families (I get a run down of all the things their families have bought for their kids, its way over the top but I still feel sad, can't really explain it myself).

A friend has been asking DD (2) what she wants. There are 2 things, neither of which are big or expensive. She is getting more as well but my friend kept trying to get DD to add more things to her 'list ' in order to make me buy her more.

Another friend told me I should buy my DS something else he likes, that is another £80! As in, "oh its only that, go on buy it for him" This is much more than his entire budget.

There will be plenty of years where they want big expensive things and these earlier years mean you can get away with buying less. I have been accused of being tight on more than 1 occasion because I don't constantly spend money (that I don't have) and I am getting really fucking fed up of it! AIBU.

We spend quite a bit on our kids I suppose, though not as much as others. Nobody has ever asked us how much we spend, I've never asked anyone else. We don't have loads of money but we prioritise holidays and Christmas. That's the choice we've made.

I always ask what to buy for nieces and nephews because I don't want to spend £20 on something they have or don't really want. I only buy for one other kid out with the family and I know what he has and likes.

So OP Yanbu to spend what you feel is appropriate / what you can afford, other people are not BU to spend loads , people are BU to judge other people's spending habits and also to assume children who get less and deprived and children who get more are spoiled.

We have no money. Dd is 4. Her birthday was last month. I have bought xmas stickers, xmas colouring book, santa bubble bath so far. She watches the adverts on tv and says "I want that" to everything. but she is not materialistic at all. I will continue to buy the odd book etc in the run up to xmas. Me and DH agree that she had a bike for her birthday so that was a big expensive pressie so we will just buy lots of little things for xmas. TBH her gp s buy her loads of stuff for her birthday, Easter and xmas. I do not agree with getting in debt to buy stuff you don't need or can't afford.

I don't really hold with spending the same amount...you wouldn't spend the same on a newborn as a 10 year old for example.
I buy things they want/would like.
So don't get too bogged down by cost (but don't spend £200 on one and 80p in the other! :))
I reckon I have spent about £200 on each of them this year give or take a few £ which is more than I normally spend. But £60 of that was tesco vouchers we had forgotten about and lots were bargains curse you Xmas bargain thread!

Our DCs get 1 present from us, one present from Father Christmas and a few stocking bits (pens, notepads, hair bobbles).

Money not an issue - but we have a large family - 7 aunts and uncles, godparents, GPs. So if you add up the number of presents it turns into a huge pile. In previous years they get tired of opening stuff half way through - they want to play with what they have. We have ended up still opening stuff on Boxing Day. So if we were to add another 2 or 3 presents (or more ) in to the mix it would be horrible.

Don't really have a set budget per DC, though try to make it so DCs don't feel it is unfair.

Do not have a problem with what ever other people so - though I am sometimes a bit perplexed as to where they will put the abundance of new toys/stuff all acquired in one day.

needaholidaynow my mind boggles on how you'd even spend £150 on an 8 month old. What could he possibly need/want? He won't notice what you spend on him, so just get whatever you think is best and sod the cost. It could be a £10 and he won't care. You have plenty of years ahead of you of spending £££, I advise to rein in the spending now while you still have the chance!

I've never tried to spend the same on my 3 DC but been flexible to what they need/want. Last year DS2 got a lap top as he had just started his GCSEs. This year it is DS2 who is after the bigger present. He wants a playstation 4 which is really expensive so he has sold nearly all his soft toys on ebay and putting £125 towards it. Plus he is trading in his xbox and games towards new games for the Playstation 4. When they were babies they got one present each such as a spinning top or baby walker. I do buy them lots during the year too. They are not spoilt but lovely helpful polite young men. DS1 is 25 and working and left home so he gets a lot less, usually clothes and food treats but he loves buying for his younger brothers and for me. It's our money, our Christmas, our family.

YANBU for being annoyed at others being judgey about what you are spending on your dc's for christmas.

However, most of this thread has been people saying how shocking it is that people spend xxx and how good they are being by buying their children less than that. This make you U as you are now judging others.

I won't be telling you how much I spend or what I am buying. It may be a little and it may be a lot but is is certainly nobody else's business but mine.

Holding my hand up to always spending about the same on the DC's because I wanted things even-handed. That is just a personal issue - I am not saying its right or wrong.
Some very big presents (garden equipment, tree house etc) they had as a shared gift.

I do think though that in the case of 2 x DC and 1 x DSD, I would certainly not deliberately spend less on the DSD. What she may or may not get from her other parent or extended family is neither here nor there. Giving her less than your other children is sending out a bit of a message IMO. Particularly when you are considering spending more on the baby.
Essentially what she will see is that her parent is giving her less than they are giving to their other children. Not a nice feeling.

Mine got lots for christmas when they were small. I never brought them toys throughout the year, as I wanted them to experience the anticipation of really wanting something and then the magic of getting it.
They probably had 60+ presents each. Some bought in sales throughout the year, some poundland tat, some second hand, and the things they asked for.

My philosophy was, you can't spoil them if it is only at christmas and birthdays. They are far more spoilt if they get things they ask for and things they don't throughout the year.
I love the magic of christmas and the look on their faces, on walking into a room full of presents.

It is the same for adults though. We buy a main present off lists, then buy several cheap "surprises". We all have loads to open.
Birthdays are not as special as christmas though.

I think that it's a perfect idea to buy the same amount of presents for each child, but you can be a bit flexible about what the ££ cost is, depending on their age and needs.

For example, my 2 kids have the same amount of presents to open, but I'd imagine that the older DC's total cost is a bit more than DC2 who is only 14 months old.

I think having the same amount of presents sitting to be opened is only fair. Is cute to watch them open them :)

Needaholiday, i dont think its fair to spend less on your step daughter simply because she also gets presents off her mum. Your DH should want to treat all his children the same, presumably she already misses out on lots as she doesnt get to live with both of her parents.

I agree with festive with regards to spending equally if more than one child. Its the fair way to do it and siblings are already losing out as most have hand me down clothes etc so usually one child has far more new than others.

needaholiday
I did keep it on an equal footing for babies, but not necessarily with immediately useful items as they do develop so quickly at that stage, so some gifts appropriate for current age & stage, and some that went away for six months!
Worked for us.

My DGS will be about that age, then .....I have had absolutely NO problem running up over £100 in gifts so far
And I've been restraining myself

Fuzzpig, 'essential' item is lego.

"I didn't buy for my children through the year. Full stop. They never whined for things in shops because they knew I never bought anything."

Festive, I agree with this. I get them books and craft items occasionally, but these don't count IMHO. DS can sometimes spend his own money or if he has been exceptionally good, he gets a small reward but apart from that, we don't tend to buy throughout the year.

The friends in question are always buying stuff and one has even told me I should have bought something that DD was asking for and apparently I was tight because I wouldn't go out and spend "only a tenner" on something that she wanted but didn't actually need.

Mrsdv...hear hear!
I have my own reasons for having gone a bit mad this year.
And I am ok with it.

needa why don't you put some of the money into a savings account for your 2 children? That way you can say you have spent the same but you don't have to spend it all on stuff IYSWIM.

When my DCs were smaller, I put any money from family in their bank accounts, whilst they were young and knew no different so would not be so bothered about wanting to spend it. Last year as DS was older, I suggested he keep some so spend (and he wanted to save it for when we went on holiday) then some he could put into his bank. He liked the idea so chose to save some.

Hopefully we will have more money next year and I can spend more on them. Toys are bloody expensive and our small budget doesn't stretch far but they still have decent toys and its stuff they will like so they will be happy.

I just get pissed off with the attitude (from my friends) that I am tight and I should spend more on my kids because its stuff they want. You could go on forever if you think like that! I don't really care that they spend loads, but like a poster said further up, I bet they won't remember all the stuff they get because it is so much, plus they all seem to get loads throughout the year as well. Mine will remember because I take a photo of it all every birthday and Christmas and write it all down as well. Don't know why tbh, something I did as a child and now I do it with my own kids. I think I just have too much time on my hands.