AIBU to be pissed off that people keep trying to get me to buy my kids more for Christmas?

[CrapBag]

I am getting sooo fed up with people implying that I am not spending enough or getting my kids enough presents for Christmas.

We don't have a lot of money, I like to have a budget and stick to it, and we have done it this year. One time I mentioned my budget to a friend and she was horrified as she spends 4x the amount on her kids, then all the stuff they get from relatives, they are pretty spoilt tbh.

My kids are not in the slightest materialistic, they would be perfectly happy with a few small things, although we have got them more than this. Plus we don't have the space to put loads and loads of new toys. They do get things that they want, its not like we get them some old shit that they won't like which is what I feel is implied sometimes.

I had a couple of friends tell me that they have got their kids 30+ presents! That's not including relatives who all spoil them as well. My kids don't get spoilt in the slightest by relatives, and while I don't want them to be spoilt, I am also slightly sad that our families don't seem to make as much effort as my friends families (I get a run down of all the things their families have bought for their kids, its way over the top but I still feel sad, can't really explain it myself).

A friend has been asking DD (2) what she wants. There are 2 things, neither of which are big or expensive. She is getting more as well but my friend kept trying to get DD to add more things to her 'list ' in order to make me buy her more.

Another friend told me I should buy my DS something else he likes, that is another £80! As in, "oh its only that, go on buy it for him" This is much more than his entire budget.

There will be plenty of years where they want big expensive things and these earlier years mean you can get away with buying less. I have been accused of being tight on more than 1 occasion because I don't constantly spend money (that I don't have) and I am getting really fucking fed up of it! AIBU.

I have never been asked how much i spend, do people really do that.

I dont get the competitive low spenders "one present or an orange" as it does seem more about them and not the children.

As for vetting presents, if i found out a relative vetted presents i buy for children then there would be no presents and i would tell the child why.

I'm unsure what to so this Xmas as my DD wants a pet fox... Apparently when questioned, its going to sleep nicely in her bed. I'll have to get one for her as she is getting me a cat.

I had this problem when my dd wanted a polar bear, luckily she liked the soft toy one.

i get my kids less and less each year. my neighbour spends £200 on each kid. mine are lucky with what they get and lots of it is from charity shops, tesco vouchers or in the sale.

they have a nice life 364 days of the year and i am not going to bust my chops on stuff they will lost/break/forget about. it's jesus' birthday, not theirs. and i don't see anyone singing happy birthday to jesus.

you're not being remotely unreasonable.

In my opinion yabu because you care what other people think about what you're buying, it's your Christmas, your family and your money. Spending less does not make your family or children better than there's (which your post kind of seems like) and equally neither does spending lots make them better than you. My advice is to grow up and enjoy your family and your Christmas??!!

"grow up"

Yeah, thanks for that.

You asked I gave my opinion! Just mean 'suck it up' enjoy what you have etc.

It goes the other way too. DH and I have always spent a lot on our DC ( we are not on a budget) and my inlaws buy a lot less for there DC but are very judgey pants towards us. I can't see how what you spend on your DC is anyone else business.

I can't see it either. I don't care that they spend loads (although I don't understand how they can moan about being skint and still do it, different if you don't have to worry so much about money). But they seem to make it their business by asking how much I spend, then telling me that I should just buy x because its something else that was asked for, regardless of the fact its £80!

Next year I won't be telling anyone, anything about what I am buying or how much I am spending, or where it came from!

I'm really desperate to know what this £80 item is that your DS would apparently be terribly deprived without :o

everyone is different... My 19 months old niece will get alot from me, but it will be stuff she needs, and educational stuff too, so clothes, books, puzzles, blocks, toys with alphabet, numbers, letters etc, bath toys, etc... as she grows up, there won't be as many presents as now... always the baby in the family gets spoilt, use to be my little sister but she's 19 now.. so she gets stuff like pj's, make up, slippers, stuff she wants and needs

happymumofone I'm guessing your comment about vetted presents was directed at my earlier post saying I do that.

shrugs< It works for our family, and if you'd like to explain that to my 3 year old and 1 year old, then you'd be welcome to try.

I think this whole thread is refreshing, interesting article link.
I'm not sure I would risk a new year on shakey financial ground to give my kid more than he actually wanted either. YANBU

I'm with you. Our kids get one big gift from us, budget about £50 and a stocking from FC of small cheap gifts. My side of the family have a £10 budget for the kids and Secret Santa for the adults. DHs family go completely OTT and give our kids a pile of plastic crap presents about as big as themselves, cue a feeding frenzy of tearing paper and being spoilt and ungrateful. We're not going this year, I'm hoping having to post it will rein them in! This is despite the fact that they barely have contact with their GCs all year. Relationships are not built on stuff, time and thought are much more important.

I did buy quite a bit for mine ( see previous post about them not remembering many of those gifts at all ) but I think spoiling is far more to do with how children are given things, than with how much they get at Christmas.
I didn't buy for my children through the year. Full stop. They never whined for things in shops because they knew I never bought anything. Birthdays were always things they wanted, but not overboard in quantity. They grew up knowing they did not get things for the asking, and waited for things they badly wanted.

On the other hand, Christmas was an excess when I would buy lots and "spoil them rotten" - after all, it came from Father Christmas! Once in every 12 months is hardly habit forming.
Of course there was some tat, because children love a bit of tat.
Those toys (apart from birthdays) lasted them all year.
It worked for us.

As for vetting gifts other people will buy - it is one thing to chat with people about what the children might like, but vetting seems very controlling. A case of "if I am not indulging my children, nobody can"? There is nothing wrong with allowing children to be indulged once a year, its what you do for the other 11 months and 29 days that forms their character.

I see it a lot, but don't really understand the not buying throughout the year.

Would you not buy books? Craft materials? We do buy small things and I love the occasional treat (dress just because). Its quite occasional with us and so its lovely to see my children's delight when I do get something. (similarly ice creams are occasional!). We bought a mini scooter for a 2 year old. She wasn't ready on her second birthday and Christmas was a long yay away - so we got it mid year.

I don't think there's anything else 'big' I've got her mid year. We don't have lots and lots of plastic play sets at all (small house) but I do sometimes get a magazine or small toy. I'm not sure I see the virtue of a big splurge once a year. (Not that I'd ever criticize it - I just don't understand!)

I don't count books
As a family, we tend to class books as a necessity rather than a gift.
Not sure if the Red House Childrens Book Club still runs, but I did buy books through them every month .....for years.
Same thing with craft materials ...I didn't see those as gifts but as things I kept a cupboard stocked with, because we did a lot of crafty stuff.
I also bought small new things to go in flight bags, for long-haul trips (packs of card, plasticine etc)

What I meant, and didn't express clearly, is that I didn't buy new toys.
I always hated seeing children whinging their way around shops demanding this that and the other and getting it , so refused to even start the process and, from toddler age, told them "if you like it ...put it on the list for Father Christmas".

I have no problem with how other people do things, though. On the whole - each to their own.

For us, second hand books in charity shops etc are an as and when thing - also get loads from the library (I work in one), new books are a gift.

Ah Festive - I guess we're more similar than it looks then! I don't really do "toys" in a big way at Christmas either then I guess. We love books, craft things, extra set of pjs, lego, blocks, railway bits. One daughter will get a happyland thing, the other a little photo album. They will also get stickers and bubbles and a christmas tree ornament.

I would certainly get books throughout the year and my daughter would be delighted, as she would with little presents if I got them on occasions, such as plasticine or a magazine. She loves books, so she'd happily equate books with a gift!

I agree about books...I buy them year round, as with craft materials and clothes.
Sadly my 2 boys can't wait til b days And Xmas for clothes..they have both had huge growth spurts this year and have had to have whole new wardrobes (supplemented by e bay :))
And I hated getting clothes for b days and Xmas...they are something you need, not something special or exciting.

After reading various threads on here, its a wonder anybody buys gifts for children that are not theirs! Some loving aunt etc buys a present and then the parent will either vet it (and not hand over if they deem not suitable), spend the vouchers or money on themselves or other children/household bills or deem to dictate what they can buy. Seems to suck the joy from gift giving.

I'm like that about clothes Badvoc! I get some novelty PJs but couldn't get her clothes as a proper present for that reason. She's excited during the year as when I do get the odd thing for her though, spreads the joy :)

Wrt buying gifts for other kids, I always ask their parents what to get.
I know as a parent how saddening it is to get duplicate gifts that will just get put in the loft or sent to the church raffle (ds1 got the same game x 3 last year)
It's not ingratitude, it's not liking people wasting their time and money.
Once kids are older and if they have tech then iTunes vouchers are always a winner ime.

Clothes wise kick in more as they hit the teen years, I think. Certainly featured high on their wish lists through that decade!

At Christmas (pre-teen) one of the gifts would usually be a single clothes item ....usually something they had seen, but which I would not have chosen for their wardrobe, as totally not my taste! (a My Little Pony sweater, and a particularly sparkly pink party dress spring to mind)

Surely if your friend is actually a friend then saying 'I've bought x,y z this year because that's all I can afford would be enough to stop that conversation about competitive Christmas buying in it's tracks.

Why have friends or be with people who would be so unbelievably crass as to question what you spend on your kids. If somebody tells me what they are buying for their kids I would never dream of offering an opinion, I would just smile and say I bet they will be so excited on Christmas morning